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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189789">We used to be friends</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphirott/pseuds/Saphirott'>Saphirott</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angry Jensen Ackles, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Jared, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:01:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,922</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphirott/pseuds/Saphirott</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared feels like he can't take it anymore. Trying to hide how he feels about his partner and friend is getting harder and harder. One mistake, one moment he didn't think, and it all comes out...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jensen Ackles/Danneel Harris, Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/6921913">Éramos amigos</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphirott/pseuds/Saphirott">Saphirott</a>.
        </li>
        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/6921913">Éramos amigos</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphirott/pseuds/Saphirott">Saphirott</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey, everybody!</p><p>Since the Coronavirus is forcing us to stay home for what looks like a long time, I thought this might be a way to occupy those hours of confinement. Here in Spain we are going for the third day. First of all, I hope all of you are well, plenty of energy and keep you safe by following all the recommendations to avoid the spread of the virus.</p><p>This was the first fic I wrote in my life, many years ago. Now I can see many mistakes that I have tried to fix in the translation, but it is a story that I am very fond of. </p><p>I hope you'll be a little lenient with those mistakes and I also hope you'll like it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>We use to be Friends</strong> </span>
  <br/>
  <strong>By: Saphirott</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>Capítulo 1</strong> </span>
</p><p>The noise of the alarm clock breaks the silence of the room. Jared reluctantly reaches out his arm to turn it off. Actually, it didn't wake him up, he's been up for a long time to be honest, practically all night, all night without sleep... another one...</p><p>He feels exhausted, physically and mentally, in a little more than an hour he must be ready to go to work, they are in the middle of the season and the shooting is going a little bit tight, he wonders how they would take it if he called today excusing himself for some reason, something like the end of the world... "I don't think it's gonna work..." With a deep sigh, he turns away from the clock, covering himself with the sheets up to his head.</p><p>Jensen had been up for a long time, and it wasn't really hard for him to get up early. After a quick shower, he gets ready and goes straight down to the kitchen. He doesn't have trouble getting up early, true, but he's not a person until he's had his first cup of coffee. Just before entering the kitchen, he runs into Hurley and Saddie who are looking at him expectantly, which is strange since they should be out with Jared by now.</p><p>“What's up, buddies? You're not out yet?”</p><p>In response, they both whine as they walk nervously from the front door to Jensen.</p><p>“So your owner's been a bit lazy today... Anyway, let me just put the coffee pot on and I'll be right with you.”</p><p>He turns back to the door and enters the kitchen. He starts the coffee machine and looks at the clock. It's not late, but if Jared doesn't get up, he'll leave without breakfast. He takes the keys, the jacket and the dogs' leashes and prepares to go out the door.</p><p>“Come on, guys! Jay!” He shouts before leaving “Come on man, it's late! I'll get the dogs out... the coffee's already on!...” And he walks out the door without waiting for an answer.</p><p>He arrives home after about twenty minutes, leaving the things in the entrance, he goes in search of his longed-for coffee, hoping to meet Jared in the kitchen. He's going to give him the talk, he had already told him when they moved in together that dogs were his thing, and although Jensen enjoys them, he really loves them, he doesn't like to waste those twenty minutes that he can spend enjoying his coffee in a relaxed way. Jensen enters the kitchen and there is no sign of Jared, not that he is not there, but clearly he has not even been there.</p><p>"This guy is stupid, if we get told off for being late I won't cover for him", he thinks as he walks up the stairs in pairs towards Jared's room.</p><p>“Jared! Wake up, man, there's 20 minutes left before they come looking for us!” Open the door suddenly to find the room still dark and Jared in the bed completely covered. Jensen removes his clothes from his face and Jared is on his back covering his face with his hands while he breathes out a strong sigh.</p><p>“Jay man, are you okay?” Jensen asks with a worried look on his face.</p><p>“Yeah, just a bad night. I'm sorry,” he says with his hands away and a sort of sad expression. “Give me five minutes and I'm ready, okay?”</p><p>“Okay, I'll wait for you downstairs,” Jensen mutters. “Seriously, are you okay?”</p><p>“Seriously...” Jared replies, offering a faint smile.</p><p>Jensen goes back down to the kitchen thinking about Jared, he doesn't seem like himself lately, he seems sad, without the energy that characterizes him; at work, Jared shoots his scenes and retires almost immediately to the trailer until his presence is required again, the colleagues have already asked him if he knows what is happening to Jared, but he really has no idea. Jared hasn't told him anything and it's weird because they tell each other everything.</p><p>Jensen has thought that it might be a relapse because of his breakup with Sandy, but he throws it away almost immediately, it's been quite a while and Jared seems to have gotten over it quite well. That's what he's thinking about when the kitchen door opens and Jared shows up.</p><p>“Hey... May I have time for a coffee? I really need...” he says in a whisper as he turns quickly to the counter with his back to Jensen.</p><p>“If you hurry...”</p><p>Jensen looks at Jared, he's seen his face on the way in, he really looks bad. Dark fences surround his eyes, now, on his back, his shoulders look sunken and he looks thinner. Something's definitely not right and Jared's not telling him what it is. Well, if Jared doesn't tell him nicely, he'll have to take it out or at least he'll invent something to cheer him up. Jensen can't keep seeing him like this.</p><p>The sound of a horn comes from the entrance warning them that the car that will take them to the studio is at the door.</p><p>“Are you ready, Jay?”</p><p>“Yeah, let's go...” Jared grabs his stuff and walks out the door, crestfallen, not looking at Jensen.</p><p>They make their way quietly. Jared still doesn't feel well, he just turns his head, looks sideways at Jensen, and notices how Jensen looks at him, from time to time, with a worried expression. He knows Jensen wants to ask him, he wants Jared to tell him what's wrong. My God! They've always told each other everything; but Jared can't tell him this, he can't tell Jensen what keeps him awake at night, what almost stops him breathing, he definitely can't tell him how he feels about him.</p><p>Because Jared knows that, if he does, his friendship will be ruined, he knows that Jensen is not gay, what the fuck, if he even thought that himself wasn't until a few months ago. Jared has never been attracted to a man, he has never even had one of those so-called "experiments" in his adolescence, but from some time to this his feelings for Jensen have changed. Their friendship doesn't seem to be enough anymore. Jared needs something more. That's why he can't tell Jensen anything, and the worst part is he can't tell anyone else either. Jared's alone in this, and what he does know is that he'd rather have Jensen as a friend than not have him at all.</p><p>They arrive at the studio and head straight for wardrobe and then makeup, and when they walk in the door Aly can't help but exclaim in surprise, “My God! Jared, what happened to you? Look at that face, I don't know how I'm gonna be able to fix that...”</p><p>“You're an artist,” Jensen says with a wink, “I'm sure you can... Give the kid a break, he's had a bad night,” he continues, offering a smile to Jared who is looking at him right now, thanking him with his eyes for his help. Jensen looks back at him in a way that Jared knows is implied by the phrase, “We need to talk.”</p><p>The morning goes by quickly, Jared has managed to dodge Jensen as they are shooting separately. Jared didn't show up at lunchtime either, but he's sure that in a while his luck will run out as they have to film together. Jared heads down to the set, and from a distance he can see that Jensen is already there talking to the director. Jared sees him look up in his direction and his eyes look inquisitive and annoying. He watches as Jensen says goodbye and steadily walks towards him. Jensen grabs him by the arm and drags Jared until he finds a place where they can be more relaxed.</p><p>“What's wrong with you?” Jensen asks in a tense voice, his bright green eyes staring at him, waiting for an explanation.</p><p>“Noth...” Jared doesn't have time to finish.</p><p>“Don't tell me nothing Padalecki, we know each other! But have you seen yourself? You look like a zombie, man. I've been giving you time to tell me, but you don't say anything and I'm starting to get really worried, not to say pissed off, because don't think I haven't noticed you're avoiding me... Fuck, Jay! Did I do something? Because I really don't understand...”</p><p>Jensen gets closer to him as he talks, Jared feels his body heat and feels his hands holding him tightly by his shoulders. Jared closes his eyes for a moment, he can't hold Jensen's gaze, he's getting overwhelmed, he has to find an answer that will calm Jensen down and leave him alone. Jared shakes, taking a few steps backwards, managing to separate himself from Jensen and, at the same time, get Jensen to let go.</p><p> </p><p>“Really, I'm fine, really. I must be a bit down, it's just that we've been shooting at a hell of a rate for a long time, I miss the family and then...” Jared hopes that this will definitely take the edge off Jensen's doubts. “Then, there's Sandy's thing...”</p><p>“Sandy? Hmm?” Jensen asks skeptically. “Seriously? I thought that was over.”</p><p>“Yeah, me too, man, but you see... Must not...,” he says looking down at him with a faint smile and his hands in his pockets to hide his tremor.</p><p>Jensen looks up and down at him, pondering the explanation. Well, it was one of the options he shuffled this morning. He goes over to Jared again, and he holds him in a big hug.</p><p>“It's okay, man, but I don't know why you don't just tell me, I'm your friend, damn it! I don't want to see you like this. If anything happens to you, you know I'm here...” Jensen squeezes the hug tighter, noticing the tension in Jared's back, which doesn't move, apart from the uncontrollable trembling that runs through him and that Jensen can feel in the hug.</p><p>“Hey... come on... Calm down. You're shaking...”</p><p>“I'm sor... I'm sorry... Thank you, Jen.”</p><p>Jensen finishes the hug, but he's stuck with one arm around Jared's shoulders and his other hand patting him on the chest. Jensen looks at him with those eyes that make Jared lose his way and gives him a smile that Jared can't take his eyes off.</p><p>“I know what you need! It's been a long time since we've had any fun. Tonight we go out... a few drinks and hopefully find some good company... What do you say?”</p><p>“Ups... uh... Yeah, sure, great... it'll be great.”</p><p>“Well, come on, I don't know why they haven't come to get us yet, we're late. You have another scene with Misha, right? If you don't mind, I'll go when we finish this one, I have to pick up some things. I'll see you at home.”</p><p>“Okay...”</p><p>That's all Jared can say. He walks behind Jensen to the set thinking about his bad luck lately... but, why didn't he say no?... The last thing he wants is to go out, let alone with Jensen. And on top of that, Jensen hinted at the possibility of finding "good company." God, what's he gonna do? The last thing he wants to do is see Jensen hitting on anyone but himself. He's sure it's gonna be a long night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 2</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>“Cut! All right, guys! It's good!” says the assistant director.</p><p>Jared sighs with relief and takes the time to stretch and relax his muscles a little. They're finally done for the day. For a moment, he stands there commenting on some things about the scene and soon after he says goodbye to everyone heading for his trailer so he can change his clothes.</p><p>When he enters he decides to sit on the sofa for a moment, he needs a few minutes to rest before taking a shower and going home, where Jensen is waiting to go out. "Fuck..." He leans back on the couch and closes his eyes, going over in his mind how he got into this situation.</p><p>It all started five months ago, after his breakup with Sandy, not that he really regretted it, certainly there was a time when he loved her very much, but their relationship had been dragged out more by habit and routine than because they already felt something for each other, both knew that it was not more than that. Sandy was not surprised when he told her, and she didn't reproach him either. It wasn't difficult, but when he was back home, suddenly he was overcome by an enormous sadness, they had been together for a long time, and he felt such distress that as soon as he walked in the door, he couldn't stop the tears from flowing down and he couldn't do anything to stop them.</p><p>Jensen was there, it didn't take two minutes to get to him and bring him to the couch, he waited for him to calm down without saying anything, without asking questions, just supporting him with his presence and making him notice, with the hand that caressed his shoulder, that he was there for whatever he might need. When Jared stopped crying and was calmer, Jensen went to the kitchen, came back with two beers, and just said, "You want to tell me about it?”</p><p>They talked all night, until Jared suddenly felt terrible because he remembered that Jensen had to shoot at six in the morning and, seeing what time it was, he wouldn't be able to sleep for half an hour. When Jared apologized for it, Jensen just said, "Hey, I'm your best friend. What are friends for?” And, with a smile, Jensen sent him to rest while he went to the shower to go to the studio.</p><p><em>"I'm your best friend..."</em> Jared hadn't realized it at the time, but that phrase had comforted him in a way he hadn't felt before.</p><p>After that, and without knowing how, he discovered that he was more and more attentive to Jensen, he always felt a professional admiration for him. Since the beginning of the show, Jared has been very interested in his acting, Jensen was a method actor, always concentrated and dedicated to his work, and Jared studied him to try to reinforce what he considers his weaknesses in his performances. But now, Jared finds himself staring at Jensen not just when he's acting, he does it while they're eating, when they're on the couch watching a game, any time Jensen is distracted... It seems like Jared wants to learn every detail about him.</p><p>Then there is the part of physical contact, every time they touch, and with their work, it really is something that happens very often, it feels like all his skin is bristling, invaded by intense heat and he has found himself more than once blushing from it. At first he didn't take much notice of it, but when the dreams began and when he discovered himself thinking of intense green eyes and thick lips at the moment of reaching the climax after relieving a morning boner, he realized that he was lost.</p><p>"Fuck Jared! What's happening to you? You've got to let go, man" he says to himself as he leans forward on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face up and down repeatedly. He gets up and walks to the shower, he needed it, he hoped it would help him clear his head for a while. He turns on the tap and lets the water run so that it gets warm while he undresses, getting under the spray, letting the hot water wrap around him, pulling back his wet hair while closing his eyes and exhaling a long sigh. Lean the hands on the wall and let the jet hit directly on the back of his neck, feeling the relief that the heat gives him in his tense muscles.</p><p>The image of Jensen crosses his mind again, his perfect face, framed by that light brown hair, the freckles that so much attract his attention splashing his face, those eyes in which he would lose himself without hesitation, those eyes that transmitted so many sensations to him and that he has learned to read so easily; and those lips... God, he wants so much to know what it feels like to kiss them, he is sure that they are as soft and warm as they seem.</p><p>Jared can't help but moan as he feels that familiar tug on his belly, opens his eyes and is not surprised to see his erection already of considerable size. He sighs resignedly, as he cannot have it, he will not deny himself the pleasure of picturing it. Slowly, he lowers his hand and directs it to his cock, surrounds it with his fingers and pulls it up, squeezing it. His breath becomes heavy, he closes his eyes again and thinks of those lips that are now pressing against his, anxious and impatient, he feels Jensen's mouth opening, letting his tongue explore every corner, entangling itself with his in a battle in which the two are winners.</p><p>Jared intensifies the rhythm of his caresses, while his other hand reaches out to his chest, pinching his nipples as he continues to imagine that it is Jensen's mouth that sucks them in, bites them, and then crushes the pain with his tongue. He imagines that it is Jensen who is jerking him off, feels his tongue running down his jaw, taking small bites until it reaches his mouth again, where he kisses him again in a way that makes him think he is going to faint.</p><p>Imagine how Jensen turns him against the tiles on the wall, feels his hands running down his back to his hips, surrounding his waist and caressing his belly. Listen to Jensen’s voice in his head.</p><p>
  <em>"Is this what you want, Jay?"</em>
</p><p>“Oh, God! Yes...”</p><p>He moans alone in the shower while he feels the tension in his belly increase, his hand fiercely shakes over his cock, lubricated by water and precom. His eyes tightly closed, now picturing Jensen standing behind him, pulling his buttocks apart and pressing the head of his cock over his entrance, opening it, slowly but firmly thrusting in until it is completely filled. At this point his head is not working anymore, he's about to come, imagining Jensen pushing his way in, Jared squeezes his dick while in his ears resounds Jensen's hoarse voice telling him, <em>"Come for me, Jay."</em> And that's the end of it... with one last tug of his hand and a loud whimper, Jared comes like he can't remember ever doing.</p><p>He rests his hand on the wall so as not to fall while his body still shivers under the effects of the sudden and brutal orgasm. He watches as the water drags away the remains that prove what has just happened and after a few moments to calm down, he finishes showering.</p><p><em>"You're really screwed,"</em> he thinks.</p><p>He gets out of the shower and gets ready to get dressed. Tossing around a bit in the trailer's closet, where he always has some clothes for whatever might happen, he looks for something that's good to go out for a drink. He smiles contentedly as he finds one of his favorite jeans and a white shirt that he hasn't seen in a long time and that he can remember looks pretty good on him. He gets dressed, puts on his beloved boots and looks in the mirror before going out.</p><p>The jeans fit him like always, perfect; yes, it's true, he sounds a bit arrogant, but what can he do, he's a little vain, he can't help it...; the shirt fits him a bit bigger than usual, the weight loss is noticeable, but it's not bad either, besides, the white makes the tan of his skin stand out. He leaves the first two buttons on his collar open and shakes his hand over hair that he has not bothered to dry, leaving it looking wavy from the damp. "It's not so bad... come on, you can do it," he thinks, cheering himself up to get through the night ahead.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 3</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>He arrives home half an hour later, when he gets out of the car, a twinge of nerves runs down his spine again, he takes a breath and gets ready to go in. The dogs come to meet him wagging their tails, happy to see their owner.</p><p>“Hey, my boys! How are you? Did you miss me? Yeah? Yeah?” he says as he bends down to greet them, patting their big backs and doing little jumps with them, provoking them to play what they respond to by pushing Jared and trying to get in front of each other to be the receiver of their longed-for caresses. Jared smiles happily, his dogs always give him that feeling.</p><p>He bends down to the ground with one of his knees and lowers the intensity of his caresses so that the dogs become calmer as he screams for the stairs.</p><p>“Hey, Jensen! I'm home! Are you ready?”</p><p>“Hi! Yeah, I'm ready. I'll be down in two minutes,” answers Jensen.</p><p>“Ok.”</p><p>Jared stands looking at his dogs again with a scowl. “Uhmm, come on guys! Go out in the garden for a while, I don't know what time we'll be back today, although I hope the torture won't last long.” The dogs cocked their heads, staring at him as they noticed the muffled tone of their owner's voice. “Yea, yes... I know you're there to support me,” Jared says, letting out a slight laugh. He opens the door and the animals come out at once, no longer paying attention to him. Jared walks to the kitchen and grabs a beer, as he opens it, he screams again.</p><p>“And where are you going to take me?”</p><p>“I've been told of a new place that, apparently, is quite nice.” Jared hears Jensen talking from his room. “It's called None, on Hamilton St, near David Lam Park...”</p><p>Jared leans against the fence of the kitchen door as he hears Jensen leave the room, looks up at the stairs as Jensen is approaching them, and at that very moment he stops listening to everything he is saying.</p><p>His eyes are fixed on Jensen's body, a Jensen who looks amazing in his eyes, wearing jeans that fit him more than well. Jared follows his scrutiny quickly upwards, somewhat disturbed by the images that have come into his head. Jensen wears a black shirt, rolled up halfway up his forearms, one of his wrists adorned with his everlasting leather bracelets, which Jensen seems to love, and on the left, the watch Jared had given him for his last birthday. The shirt is tight, highlighting his strong shoulders and chest muscles. Like Jared, Jensen wore the two top buttons open. The black on the shirt also brings out the green in his eyes. Jensen's hair is spiky and wet, and he has a beard, as Dean's new look in the show demands. Jared swallows dry and blinks in surprise when he realizes that Jensen is half a meter away from him and apparently saying something to him.</p><p>“Dude, are you listening to me?”</p><p>“Ehhh... Yes, yes, sorry,” says Jared, bringing the beer to his lips and taking a long drink, suddenly feeling his throat dry, as he turns around following Jensen who rushes past him into the kitchen to get another beer.</p><p>“Do you think about me,” says Jensen.</p><p>“What do you... -What do you mean?” Jared's getting pale.</p><p>“Beer, man. I wanted one, too.” Jensen looks at him smiling. “Seriously. You need to get out. You'll thank me tomorrow.”</p><p>They arrive at the place in Jensen's car, this is located south of what is considered the most important leisure area in Vancouver, so they had to go through almost all the downtown which, at that time, is a hive of people and traffic. They park at the door and Jensen hands over the keys to the valet. One can tell that this is the fashionable place, the line of people waiting to get in extends along the sidewalk and as they can see, it turns into the corner which is about eighty meters from the door. They are looking at each other, trying to decide what to do, when they notice someone coming towards them.</p><p>“Excuse me... My name's Alex, PR for the None.” They both turn to meet a man in his thirties, impeccably dressed and offering a broad smile worthy of a toothpaste advertisement. In his hand he holds a tablet that he keeps looking at and on which, from time to time, he seems to write something down. The man continues: “You may follow me, please.” They both do, and immediately notice how Alex looks at one of the security staff at the door with an affirmative nod. The employee removes the safety cord and steps aside so that they can pass.</p><p>Clearly, the PR must have recognized them and is not going to miss the opportunity to have two actors in their place, the possible recognition and of course the publicity that this would mean for None.</p><p>“I hope you enjoy a pleasant evening.” They can hear this Alex behind their backs. They nod their heads and disappear through the door into the club.</p><p>The place is nicely decorated, the walls are made of an aged brick and the ceiling is furrowed with wooden beams, which are supported from the floor by other beams along the place. The bar is located at the back, a long, dimly lit counter at the bottom. Behind the bar, the whole backdrop behind the shelves that hold the bottles, is a large panel of white light, which brings out the liquid inside the bottles, filling the wall with different shades of ochre and gold. On the sides, U-shaped leather seats around low tables give the place some privacy for groups of friends who might visit the place. On top of these, rows of naked light bulbs along the beams complete the scene. The music is nice, basically the latest thing on the hit list, and the volume, although high, doesn't make you have to shout in each other' ears. They walk over to the bar, ordering a couple of beers and then quickly head for one of the tables that is being abandoned by its occupants at the moment. They sit one in each armchair. Jensen looks at him and raises his beer to Jared, offering it to him for a toast.</p><p>“Well, here we are. For us?” Jensen asks with a broad smile and a happy gleam in his eyes.</p><p>Jared brings his beer close to Jensen's and toasts.</p><p>“Of course, for us...” And give Jensen his smile back. They both take a drink, and after that, Jensen stares at him again, focused. Jared wonders what he's thinking so much about. After a while of waiting, Jensen starts talking.</p><p>“Look, Jay, I really wish you'd tell me what's really going on with you. I don't think it has anything to do with Sandy, I know you. I don't want to burden you or anything, and I don't want to get all intense. I'm just worried about you, okay? I'm your friend, I don't like to see you get down... Maybe I can't help you, but it sure does you good to share what's going on with you.”</p><p>Jensen's eyes are fixed on Jared, a sincere concern is reflected in them, as well as in Jensen's entire face. Jared turns the bottle over in his hands, leaning against the table. He keeps his eyes fixed on the movement of the bottle. Suddenly, Jensen's hand appears over his, squeezing it and making him stop.</p><p>“Jay, look at me...”</p><p>Jared's body tightens as he shrinks into the seat, as if it's possible that those six feet of man could melt away and disappear into the seat.</p><p>“Jay...”</p><p>Jared forces himself to look up, tries a feint of a smile that looks more like a grimace. He feels the wetness in his eyes. He tries to calm down, he can't bring himself to cry. He takes a deep breath and looks at Jensen again.</p><p>“I can't Jensen, I really can't. -I can't. I'm sorry.”</p><p>Jensen stiffens in his seat, not looking away from the man in front of him. Jared's eyes look bright, he looks scared, and Jensen is sure that if he keeps pushing him, Jared will start crying. <em>"What's wrong with you, Jay? Why won't you tell me?"</em> he wonders. He takes his hand off Jared's and leans back in the seat, pondering for a moment longer. <em>"I'm gonna give him a little more time,"</em> he thinks, <em>"see if I can't at least get him to lighten up a little bit."</em></p><p>Jensen's eyes reflect for a split second more his concern before he lets out a long sigh. After that, he slaps Jared's shoulder hard and asks:</p><p>“Okay So, how do you feel about the Rangers losing to the Meets?”</p><p>Jared looks up in surprise at the question. He looks at Jensen and smiles gratefully. Jensen smiles back at him along with a squeeze on his shoulder.</p><p><em>"All right, Jay, all right... A little bit of relax for you today, but I'm not leaving you alone,"</em> Jensen thinks to himself.</p><p>The conversation turns to different topics, baseball, work, what they'll do on holidays... Jared relaxes and everything goes back to normal. The empty beers pile up on his table, but finally Jared laughs and Jensen is happy about that. After he manages to calm down, after the fit of laughter that Jared has caused him, telling him one of the jokes in project that he has prepared for Misha, Jensen gets up and walks to the bar looking for another round.</p><p>He orders two beers and while waiting to be served he notices the two girls next to him. He's seen them for a while and is sure they've noticed the two guys at the table too. Now, they both smile as they look at him. The tallest one has long, wavy reddish-brown hair, beautiful eyes, a white top with a brown shirt over it, but she doesn't hide her charms. A pair of tight jeans with heeled boots that stylize her legs complete her outfit. The other one is dark and small, also with long and straight hair, with intense and lively eyes. She wears a black top, with a black leather jacket too, tight grey jeans and black shoes with a dizzying heel.</p><p>“Hi,” says the brown one with a smile.</p><p>“Hi...” he says, giving them back a mocking smile, one hundred percent Dean's patent, as he leans back on the bar.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jensen's taking too long, Jared turns in his seat so he can see the bar to find out what he's doing. Seeing him leaning over the bar, talking to two girls and his worst fears come to mind, which are confirmed after a while, when he sees the three of them on their way to the table. Turning around again, Jared closes his eyes in frustration. "Shit"</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jensen reaches the table instantly, puts the beers on the table and looks amusingly at his friend. Jared looks back at him, an eyebrow raises in his face, to which Jensen responds with an "all in control" gesture.</p><p>“Well, I'll introduce you,” says Jensen. “Jay, this is Danneel,” he says, pointing to the brown. And this is Gennevieve.</p><p>“Gen.” She's quick to point out.</p><p>“Gen,” confirms Jensen. “Girls, this is my friend Jay.”</p><p>“Jared,” point out, curt.</p><p>Jensen slams him with a disapproving look as he turns the girls back.</p><p>“Excuse him, as I told you before, he's not having a good day. Normally, it's even nice.” Jensen invites the girls to sit down. Gen does it to the left of Jared and Danneel to his right. Jensen sits next to her.</p><p>“So... Are you from around here?” Jensen keeps asking.</p><p>“No, we're from New York,” answers Gen, "for work.”</p><p>“Oh, great! And what job is that? If I may ask, of course.”</p><p>“We're on the board of directors of a New York fashion and accessories company," says Danneel now. We are in Vancouver looking for premises and doing a study on the feasibility of opening new branches here.”</p><p>“It sounds interesting,” Jensen replies.</p><p>The conversation is extended through trivial topics, in all that time Jared doesn't make any attempt to participate in it, answering only when he is asked directly and winning for that reason infinity of killer looks from Jensen, besides some kick under the table. Jared just drinks and keeps ruminating on a thousand curses in his head, almost all of them directed to the girls and some of them also to Jensen.</p><p>Jared is getting sick, Danneel sticks more and more to Jensen laughing at his jokes and giving him her best smile, of "bitch", according to Jared's opinion. Jensen is not far behind, Jared knows his friend and knows that Danneel is perfectly his type. Jensen was corresponding to her flirtations and Jared can't help but notice how his arm stretches over the girl's shoulder, and how Jensen whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh.</p><p>Actually, Jared's feeling bad, he can't stand the sight of it. He looks at the brunette next to him and realizes she' s watching the other couple too. Gen looks back at Jared and smiles sympathetically.</p><p>“Easy, it's all right,” she says. “We've all had a bad day once.” And she looks back at the dance floor where people are dancing.</p><p>Jared clenches his jaw and looks down at the table. He's upset. Who told her that Jared needed her compassion? She doesn't know him at all. Hell, all Jared wants to do is go home. But so far, luck doesn't seem to be on his side. A fact confirmed when he hears an excited little cry from Danneel.</p><p>“Shall we dance?!”</p><p>“Sure! Why not?” answers Jensen. “Come on, guys! We have to cheer up,” he instructs as he gets up and helps Danneel out. Gen also gets up and stares inquisitively at Jared.</p><p>“Come on, Jay,” says Jensen, holding Danneel's hand. Jared looks away from the couple's hands and directs them back to the table.</p><p>“No, I'm sorry. I don't feel like it,” he answers. “You go ahead, I don't care.”</p><p>Jensen gives him the fiftieth reproachful look of the night again, although Jared doesn't realize it because he keeps staring at the table, which has become super interesting in a while. Genevieve also casts an inquisitive glance at her friend, who, shrugging her shoulders and clasping her hands in supplication, asks her with a smile to forgive her and to hold on, to leave her a little time to continue enjoying her conquest tonight. Genevieve rolls her eyes in exasperation and then smiles at Danneel with a small nod of affirmation. Then she sits down again next to Jared without hiding her annoying gesture. <em>"Anyway, today for you, tomorrow for me,"</em> she thinks.</p><p>Jensen heads to the dance floor holding Danneel's hand. He doesn't stop thinking about Jared, Jensen doesn't understand anything, throughout the night he had managed to get Jared to cheer up, they drank, they laughed... everything was fine and on top of that they got the attention of two beautiful girls. And now, there he is again, looking like his dog died. And Jared still hasn't given him a clue. Jensen is determined to find out what's going on, but apparently, that's not going to happen today. Right now, something else demands his immediate attention.</p><p>They've arrived at the dance floor and Danneel is moving in front of him to the beat of the music. It takes Jensen no more than an instant to approach her and follow her lead. Danneel smiles at him, resting his hands on his chest, bringing her face close to Jensen's neck and telling him how much she likes him. Jensen smiles to himself and continues to flirt with the girl as they dance.</p><p>From the table, Jared doesn't lose any detail of the scene, his hands shaking with the impotence that invades him. Jared takes a long drink of the whiskey he ordered after the couple left. He needs something stronger than beer to get through this. Jensen stands at Danneel's back, his arm around the waist of the girl wiggling against his chest. Jensen sweats in the heat of the spotlight, and Jared can't stop watching as his shirt remains attached to his skin, further marking his broad back. Jensen kisses the girl's neck, moving closer to her. Jared's stomach turns over.</p><p><em>"That's it, that's enough,"</em> he thinks to himself, feeling the blood drain from his body. He turns to the brunette who is standing next to him without paying any attention and asks her to let him out.</p><p>“Excuse me, I... I have to get out. I have to go now.</p><p>Genevieve turns, looking at him casually, but her expression changes as she looks at Jared's appearance.</p><p>“Are you okay? You look bad.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah... I just need to get out. I think I've had too much to drink, I need some air.”</p><p>“Do you want me to call your friend?”</p><p>“No, no. Really. Jensen's having a good time. I'll get a cab,” he says, raising his voice just enough for the girl to hear. “And... Gen, I'm sorry, about tonight and all... Like my friend says, I'm not usually like this,” he finishes, smiling shyly.</p><p>“Oh, it's okay... Relax, don't worry about me. Some other day it will be,” she answers, smiling back.</p><p>Jared walks to the door as fast as he can. He's definitely had too much to drink, his head is dull and he's sweating profusely. He goes outside and the fresh night air hits him hard. He walks away from the bustle of the door and leans against the wall. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, letting the breeze, a little damp from the nearby docks, calm him down. He spends some time there, trying to normalize his breathing. The images of Jensen dancing with the girl come back to his mind again and again. And now that Jared had left the club, he doesn't have to think long about what Jensen will do next. He doesn't really want to imagine it, it hurts too much. Jared lets his back slide down the wall and when he reaches the floor, he hugs his knees and lets his head rest on them, closing his eyes. He just wants to rest for a while, just for a while.</p><p>He feels someone shake his shoulders, raises his head just to meet those deep green wells that are Jensen's eyes, looking at him with questions. Jared can't believe it, closes his eyes while letting out a long sigh and throws his head back letting it hit the wall while a bitter laugh escapes from his throat. Really, God wanted to fuck him up.</p><p>“Jay...” Jensen calls him gently as he shakes his shoulders again.</p><p>“What are you doing here, Jensen?” He says without looking at him. He really doesn't want to sound as bitter as he looks. “You should stay with that girl, you were having a good time.”</p><p>“What are you saying, Jay? Who do you think I am? How could you not tell me you were leaving? Gen came to tell me. She was worried because she saw you looking bad. I went out right away to look for you.”</p><p>“And now you're worried,” he says again with disdain.</p><p>
  <em>"Fuck, fuck! What the fuck is he doing? Why is he talking to Jensen like that?"</em>
</p><p>Jensen shudders at Jared's tone, but that doesn't stop Jensen from grabbing him by the forearms and pulling on them. “Jay, Jay... Look at me, please.”</p><p>Jared looks at him, and Jensen can't help but back away for a split second when he sees his friend's eyes. Jensen doesn't know how to fully interpret what he sees in them. Sadness, deep sadness, bitterness, nerves, resentment... Jensen doesn't understand anything... “Jay, what's wrong? Please tell me,” Jensen says tenderly.</p><p>Jared sees it, sees in his friend's face that Jensen doesn't understand anything at all about what's going on. He closes his eyes again and starts laughing. A nervous chuckle as he nods his head continuously.</p><p>Jensen takes one hand to his head and rubs the hair and nape of his neck as he breathes out a loud sigh.</p><p>“All right,” Jensen says as he stands up, pulling Jared's arms together, who follows him without resistance. “Time to go home...”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 4</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Jensen drives silently, casting furtive glances at Jared who remains with his eyes closed and his head resting on the window pane. He doesn't know how to approach Jared; he's still surprised by the bitterness in his voice when he addresses him outside. He doesn't know why Jared is upset with him, because if anything begins to become clear to Jensen, it's that this whole thing is about him and he has no idea why. He turns on the radio and lets the chords of his favorite band replace the uncomfortable silence that has settled in the car.</p><p>Jared closes his eyes as soon as he gets into the car, resting his forehead against the glass in the hope that the cold passing through it will relieve the intense headache that has ended up assailing him. He doesn't want to look at Jensen, he can feel his eyes on him, and he doesn't want to have to face him again. When he hears the music start to play, he sighs with relief and tries to concentrate on calming the discomfort he feels throughout his body, which he feels was increasing by the minute.</p><p>Jensen turns off the engine and turns to Jared. “Come on, Jay, we're home.”</p><p>Jared remains motionless for one more moment. He opens his eyes and sits up in his seat. He notices how everything is spinning around him and he closes his eyes again, holding on tightly to the armrest of the seat.</p><p>“I don't think I can...” he says in a mournful voice.</p><p>“Oh God, Jay... What am I gonna have to do with you?”</p><p>Jensen gets out of the car and walks around to the passenger door, opens it and offers his hand to Jared. -Come on... “Lean on me.”</p><p>Jared grabs his arm and gets out of the car. Jensen reaches around Jared's waist and holds him firmly, guiding him to the front door. Once home, he guides him to the kitchen counter and makes him sit there. Jared rests his arms on the countertop, grateful for the stability it provides. He is pale and sweaty. Jensen touches his forehead to check for fever.</p><p>“Okay, stay here for a moment while I make you some sort of remedy,” he says, as he goes around the counter and rummages through the cabinets, looking for something to make an infusion with. Jared nods erratically, unable to say anything. Jensen keeps trying to brew a remedy when a loud thud jumps out at him, he turns on himself and Jared is no longer there, the stool he was sitting on had fallen to the floor and Jensen can only see the shadow of Jared rushing into the bathroom. Jensen rushes behind him and when he reaches the bathroom finds Jared on his knees, hugging the toilet, puking as if his life depended on it. Jensen holds his forehead with one hand, while with the other, he strokes the back of his neck and shoulders trying to calm him down.</p><p>“It' s okay... come on, throw it all out. You'll feel better...” Jared stays like this for a while, when he finally stops gagging, Jensen helps him to sit up, leaning him against the tiles on the wall. “Don't move, I'll be right back.”</p><p>Jensen leaves the bathroom and heads to the kitchen to get some cloths. Then he passes by Jared's room and picks up his pajamas before returning to him. Soaking the cloths in the sink, Jensen places one of them on the back of Jared's neck and uses the other to freshen up his face. Jared's eyes are still closed.</p><p>“You feel better?”</p><p>Jared nods his head and offers Jensen a hint of a smile before answering: “A little bit.”</p><p>“Come on, then up!” Jensen takes Jared by the arms and brings him to his feet. “Brush your teeth and I'll help you get changed.”</p><p>Jared does what he's told, apart from the physical discomfort, he also feels bad about the way he talked to Jensen before. Jensen is his friend and he worries about him, he takes care of him and he's there whenever Jared needs him. He has no right to blame him, especially when Jensen is not guilty of how Jared feels about him. He's been a jerk, throwing things in Jensen's face that have no reason to be.</p><p>Jensen comes back to finish helping him with his pajamas and walk him to his room.</p><p>Jared sits up on the bed and puts his back against the headboard. Jensen sits across from him, with one knee bent over the bed, brushing against Jared's thigh, and his right leg hanging over the edge of the mattress. Jensen stares at Jared, who looks out of the window, through which the reflections of the street lights filter in.</p><p>“I really don't understand,” Jensen says as he rests his hand on Jared's thigh and strokes it with his thumb, trying to convey to Jared that he's there to help him.</p><p>“There's nothing to understand, really. Please, Jen, I'm tired. It's just been a bad day. It'll pass,” Jared replies, looking at his hands, tugging at the tips of his pajama shirt's bottom.</p><p>“No, no, no... That doesn't work for me anymore, Jay. Not after seeing you like this. There's got to be an explanation for all this, and I want to know it.”</p><p>Jared smiles sadly and turns his gaze, again, to the window. <em>"I'm sure you don't want to know this one,"</em> he thinks sadly. A few minutes pass in which they both remain silent, he feels Jensen's eyes on him, it is clear that his friend is not going to give up. But Jared can't tell him anything, he's sure Jensen won't understand. He has to think of something that might sound convincing, but Jensen's presence so close to his body and that headache that doesn't give him any breathing room, are not helping him at all. Jared looks at his fingers again, still nervously pulling on the cloth, and quickly back to the window.</p><p>“You know when you want something badly, when you really want it, and you know you can't have it...,” he says finally, as he closes his eyes which threaten to be flooded with tears.</p><p>“And what is it that you want, Jared?” Jensen asks without his eyes leaving Jared's face, he doesn't want to miss a detail, trying to find out if what Jared is telling him is true.</p><p>Jared just denies with his head, his jaw tightened, his lips pursed.</p><p>“Don't you want to tell me? I don't know... look at you, man, you're young, you're handsome, you have a career that, thank God, brings you good money. I'm sure there are few things you can't achieve, if not now, then eventually. And if we're talking about someone... Well, what do you want me to say, if that someone can't see what a great man you are, then that person doesn't deserve you.”</p><p>Jared turns for a moment to look at Jensen, an intense, deep look that Jensen only sees for a second because, immediately, Jared's eyes are fixed on the window again. The light coming in from the street allows Jensen to appreciate the wetness in Jared's eyes.</p><p>“Jay... You're an amazing person. Cheerful, hardworking, enthusiastic, responsible... the best of friends! Look at me, I know that better than anyone. Don't be like that, I'm sure everything will be fine.”</p><p>Jensen reaches out and puts his hand on the back of Jared's neck, stroking it with his thumb. “Hey, come on... Look at me, come on.”</p><p>Jared turns, looking at Jensen, a deeply sad look, extends his arm and mirrors his friend's gesture, pulling his neck to bring Jensen's forehead closer to his until they meet.</p><p>Jensen smiles at him, trying to reassure him. Jared shakes his head in denial, eyes tight and breathing out through his nose with force. He listens to Jensen speak, his words coming to him from afar, like an echo. They ask him to calm down, they tell him that everything will be fine, that it will be solved. But Jared knows that won't be the case, time will pass and there won't be any solution, because Jared won't say anything to Jensen and because he's sure that what he feels, won't go away. As if he hadn't already tried, as if he hadn't already been told a thousand times that he had to forget about Jensen. And he couldn't, for God's sake, he couldn't...</p><p>And now, Jensen is so close, he can feel his breath on his lips, his smell, the warmth of his hand on his neck...</p><p><em>"No, no, no! You can't, Jared!"</em> but, <em>"Fuck, and if you just try..."</em></p><p> </p><p>Jensen feels Jared's body getting tighter and tighter, which increases his concern. He doesn't yet know how he can help Jared, but what he does know is that he is there to support his friend and won't move.</p><p>“Easy, Jay, I'm right here with you. I'm always gonna be with you.”</p><p>And something in Jared's mind is going off. Slightly separating his forehead from Jensen's, he tilts his face, leaning slightly until his lips brush against his friend's. Time stops for Jared, he feels his heartbeat slow in his ears, though he's sure it must have been racing. A fraction of a second later nothing happens, he separates his lips and again lays them on Jensen's by squeezing his lower lip. "<em>Oh, God... So good,"</em> he thinks. Everything looks frozen, even Jensen. Jared is about to try again when he feels the impact of Jensen's hands on his chest, pushing him and making him painfully crash his back against the headboard.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing?” shouts an angry Jensen, as he jumps out of the bed. Jared blinks in surprise, as if he doesn't understand anything that's going on. Jensen walks around the room like a caged beast. He stops with his back to Jared, rubbing his face with his hands and repeating over and over that this wasn't happening. No, of course not, this can't be happening to him.</p><p>After a few seconds, Jared's brain reacts. He's fucked up, dammit... has he gone crazy or what? He kissed Jensen, and since he was sure it would happen, it all went to hell. Jensen's gonna fucking leave him and Jared's never gonna see him again. And all because he can't control his impulses. He has to talk to Jensen, he has to convince him that it was all a mistake. He's drunk, yes, it was. That's a good apology, right?</p><p>He jumps up following Jensen. “Jensen, I'm sorry...” He prays as he pulls Jensen's arm out to look at him. Jensen fights back furiously, slapping Jared's arm away and keeping his arms up in a defensive posture.</p><p>“Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me!” he exclaims in a cold and threatening tone. Jared takes a few steps back, scared, palms forward in a vain gesture of peace towards Jensen.</p><p>“Jensen, please... I'm sorry. I... I don't know what happened to me...”</p><p>Jensen's body remains rigid, his eyes firmly closed and his jaw clenched. His arms hang on either side of his body with his fists so tight that Jensen can feel his nails leaving marks on his palms.</p><p>Jared continues to explain himself: “I've been drinking a lot, it's been a lot of emotions these days... Listen to me Jensen, please..., I didn't want to, you have to believe me. Please talk to me, you're my friend. I, I... I need...”</p><p>Jared shuts up when he sees Jensen slam his eyes open. The green of his iris glows with fury. He breathes heavily as he looks at him. Jared can see in those eyes everything Jensen feels, anger, disappointment, fear... Jensen advances towards him as if to say something, but after a step, he shakes his head and heads for the door. Jensen opens it and, still with the doorknob in his hand, turns to Jared, looking at him up and down. “You can go to hell!” Jensen says that, and then he leaves the room, slamming the door, which reverberates throughout the house and, most importantly, reverberates in Jared's chest.</p><p>Silence takes over, an intense, oppressive silence that hits Jared in his ears. He walks to the closed door and rests the palm of his hand on the lacquered wood. “Jen...,” mutters. And tears stream down his eyes, rushing down his cheeks, as intense pain lacerated his chest.</p><p>Jensen closes the door to his room behind him, walks up and down in the closed space trying to calm down. He's angry, angry at Jared for putting him in that situation. God! He almost had a heart attack when he realized Jared was kissing him. But what the hell was Jared thinking? Jensen keeps walking around the room nervously. Finally, he lies down on the bed and covers his eyes with his arm. Jared told him he was drunk, which is why he did it, but he knows Jared. It doesn't take Jensen two minutes to finally tie it all together.</p><p>"Damn it, Jay! How could you do this to me? What am I supposed to do now?"</p><p>His brain wanders from one idea to another and he feels like his head's gonna explode. How could this have happened? God, he was really going to kill Jared. How could he ruin everything? He closes his eyes and tries, in vain, to relax. He knows full well he's not going to be able to sleep through the night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 5</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Sunlight enters through the window, filtering through Jared's closed eyelids, who covers his face with the sheet as he breathes out a heavy sigh. He stands there for a few minutes and finally pulls it back to see the digital numbers on his bedside table clock. It's 11:23. He drops down on his back with a blank stare, following the lines of the plaster fence that decorates the room's ceiling. Finally, he had managed to fall asleep around 7:30 a.m. Thank God, it's Saturday and they don't have to work. He doesn't think he would have been able to do it. Not today...</p><p> </p><p>After Jensen left, with that slamming door that had shattered every bone in his body, Jared had broken down in tears. The nerves that the situation had caused him to shake every fiber of his being. As best he could, he made it to the bed and lay on his side in a ball, his knees against his chest and his face buried in the pillow. His mind went over and over everything Jensen had told him. <em>"What are you doing? Don't touch me! Go to hell!"</em> Fatigue overcame him already with the first lights of dawn reflected in the window panes.</p><p>Now, a little calmer, he tells himself that he has to talk to Jensen, apologize and make him understand that all this was just a misunderstanding. He has to get Jensen to forgive him so that everything will be the same again, because if not, it's not clear to him what will become of him.</p><p>He wakes up determined, taking a quick shower and puts on those sweatpants he likes to wear home along with a grey T-shirt that has seen better times. Jared leaves his room and realizes that the door to Jensen's is open. He peeks out cautiously, but his friend isn't there. “Jensen?” he asks, in case he's in the bathroom. He gets no answer. He goes down the stairs and into the kitchen. Nothing. In the living room there's no sign either, he looks out of the window and into the doorway. Jensen's car Is not there. Jensen's gone. Jared drops into the armchair by the window, throws his head back and covers his eyes with his arm, sighs deeply.</p><p>Jensen has hardly slept, some brief moments of ten or fifteen minutes, which were abruptly interrupted, each time the images of everything that had happened the day before passed through his sleeping subconscious again.</p><p>At eight o'clock in the morning he considers his attempts to sleep impossible. The last thing he wants is to see Jared. He's really angry with him, he knows Jared, and he knows he'll wake up wanting to talk about what happened and he'll try to apologize again. But, right now, Jensen doesn't want to listen to him. Hell, he doesn't want to talk to him at all. Not until he's cleared his mind, at least. And he's aware that Jared, with his sad look and those puppy dog eyes, made in Sam, wasn't going to help make that happen at all.</p><p>Jensen feels under pressure, so he decides to leave and give himself a few hours to figure out what to do. Luckily it's Saturday and he doesn't have to work. He takes a shower, dresses in a pair of worn-out but extremely comfortable jeans, a white shirt and, since the morning has dawned a little cool, a grey jacket. He leaves the house without even taking the time to eat breakfast, he doesn't want to risk running into Jared.</p><p>Jensen drives for just over an hour, along the coast, he has always found it relaxing to drive. In the car's player, the new demo that his friend Chris had sent him to give him his opinion distracts Jensen, preventing the whole mess from flashing back into his head again. "Maybe I should call Chris," he says to himself.</p><p>Chris is his lifelong friend, and it's true that they don't have the kind of complicity he's achieved with Jared in just four years, but Chris knows Jensen well, he's a reasonable person, and Jensen is sure he'll give him good advice. Or at least, he'll be able to get it off his chest, because he's going crazy.</p><p>The music is interrupted by the sound of the phone, which comes through the bluetooth of the car. Jared's number appears on the dashboard display. Pressing the steering wheel button rejects the call and the music returns to his ears. He drives to Lyons Bay, a small town in British Columbia, sparsely populated but with a large influx of tourist visitors due to the wild beauty of all the surrounding nature. After leaving the car, Jensen looks for somewhere to have a coffee and try to call Chris.</p><p>As he walks in front of the piers, he discovers a large wooden cabin with a striking sign above the entrance door that reads: "Lyons Bay Coffe-Bar". In front of the façade of the cabin, a wide wooden platform, surrounded by a fence, about one meter high made of untreated logs, serves as a terrace. Between the posts of the fence, small flowers decorate some beautiful rectangular flowerpots. Jensen sits at an empty table which allows him to see the pier and also enjoy the view of the thick woods on the other side of the bay. As he orders coffee and toast from the waitress, his phone rings again. He pulls it out of his jacket pocket and there's Jared's image on the screen again. He hesitates for a moment, and again his finger slides over the red hang up button.</p><p>Jared pulls the phone out of his ear and throws it on the table in front of him. Jensen doesn't take his calls. He rubs his face with fatigue and ends up getting up. He'd better do something and use the time, otherwise it's going to be a long day. He'd try to call Jensen later. He puts on a pair of sneakers and calls the dogs. A walk will do him good and with a bit of luck, when he returns, Jensen will be home and they will be able to talk a bit more calmly.</p><p>He spends a couple of hours in the park with the dogs. He had run for a while and rolled around on the grass playing with the dogs, which jumped over him, biting and licking him in equal parts. During that time, Jared manages to forget everything and be happy just because his dogs are happy. He decides to eat a burger he buys from one of the many booths in the park and calls Jensen again. As on other occasions, the call is rejected. When he gets home there is still no sign of Jensen. Jared sits down on the couch and turns on the TV to actually watch nothing.</p><p>Jensen spent most of the morning on that terrace. He tries several times to talk to Chris, but his friend's phone is not available. What would the idiot be doing when he was needed? Jensen takes a walk through the streets of the village, enjoying the lively atmosphere created, probably, by the weekend. He buys some things and goes to eat at a restaurant that one of the shopkeepers had recommended to him. He tries again with Chris and refuses another couple of calls from Jared. When he goes to get the money to pay the bill, his fingers run into the card Danneel had given him the night before.</p><p>The small cardboard, printed in fancy letters, rolls between his fingers:</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Danneel Harris</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>Project Manager B&amp;D Fashion</strong>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <strong>555-473-298</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>Jensen ponders it for a few moments and finally picks up his phone and dials the number. He has to wait three rings before he hears the voice of the girl on the other end of the line. After a few minutes of conversation, Jensen hangs up and puts his phone away with a satisfied smile. He has time to take another walk around before starting his way back to Vancouver and arriving at the hotel where he would pick up Dannel.</p><p>At eight o'clock Jensen shows up in the lobby of the Hyatt Regency Vancouver, a five star hotel in the city centre near the financial district, which is very popular with business people. He waits for his date to come down in one of the large leather armchairs that decorate the modern reception. Danneel appears in front of him about ten minutes later. She wears a dark blue dress with straps, with a suggestive neckline and adjusted up to the knees. It is his feet, a pair of high heels, silver, that leave the fingers exposed and adjust to the ankle with a fine chain of the same color, matching the handbag. Her hair is loose and wavy, falling perfectly over her shoulders. Jensen gets up when he sees her and comes over to greet her, kissing her on the cheek.</p><p>“I'm glad you called me,” she says, “I didn't really expect it.”</p><p>“Well, I'm glad to be able to surprise you,” Jensen replies, giving the girl the best of his smiles. “Where are we going?”</p><p>When Danneel is about to answer, Jensen's phone rings again, the smile reserved for the girl becomes, for a moment, a gesture of annoyance when he looks at his mobile phone and there is the image of Jared again. This time, Jensen turns his phone off completely before putting it back in his jacket pocket. Apologizing briefly to Danneel, the smile takes its place again, in a clear message to her that she was once again in possession of all his attention, so Danneel answers his question telling him that he was the one who knew the city, so she would let herself go. Jensen smiles more broadly and rests his hand on Danneel's lower back, urging her to follow him.</p><p>They dine at CinCin, located on Robson St., an Italian and international food restaurant, where Jensen is quite a regular. The atmosphere of the place is pleasant and modern. The kitchen is striking in the view of the room, and through the windows it offers a beautiful view of Robson Street, one of the most important streets in the city. The dinner is quiet, talking about everything, work, hobbies, politics... Danneel is an intelligent and nice girl, with a sense of humour and Jensen is enjoying the dinner and, above all, has managed to forget about what happened the previous night. After paying the bill, Jensen offers to take her out for a drink, he does not want to go home yet. Danneel gladly accepts.</p><p>At home, Jared is already really worried. He's lost count of the calls and messages he's left Jensen, even though he knows all his effort is futile since Jensen's phone has been off since 8 p.m. He wonders if anything has happened to him, although he suspects that all that is really happening is that Jensen is still angry. It's late and Jared doesn't feel like anything, so he goes up to his room and goes to bed. The accumulated lack of sleep puts him to sleep sooner than he could have hoped. In his dreams, the warmth of Jensen's lips under his own make him sigh.</p><p>Jensen drives back to Danneel's hotel, the couple has visited a couple of fashionable places, where they have danced and drunk, flirting with each other, laughing at each other's occurrences. It's been a nice evening. Now, Jensen stops the engine at the hotel gates.</p><p>“Well, here we are. I brought you back, safe and sound.”</p><p>Danneel's having a funny laugh. “Yes. I expected nothing less from you,” she says, turning to look at him. She stands there for a moment, her eyes traveling from Jensen's green eyes to his smiling lips. Really, Jensen is a very attractive man. Danneel lets his hand fall on Jensen's thigh and leans on it, leaning forward until her lips touch his. A gentle, tentative kiss. Danneel pulls away for a moment and returns to kiss Jensen's lower lip.</p><p>A quick déjà vu from the previous night, from Jared's lips, making that same gesture, goes through Jensen's mind for an instant, making him step back.</p><p>Danneel stands up, looking at him inquisitively. Jensen blinks in a daze, shaking off the strange feeling of betrayal that, for an instant, has approached him. He focuses on Danneel's eyes and shortens the distance between their mouths again. He presses his lips to hers in a hungry, desperate kiss. Licking them with his tongue, asking for permission which Danneel gladly grants him. Jensen's hand clings to his date's hip, bringing her closer to him as his tongue runs inside her mouth, again and again, in desperation. Danneel places one hand on Jensen's chest and pushes it away a little.</p><p>“Hey, hey... Easy...” says Danneel gently. “Are you all right?”</p><p>Jensen looks disturbed, and it didn't seem like it was just the excitement. His pupils are dilated and darkened and he's shaking slightly.</p><p>“I..., uh..., yeah, sorry..., I don't know what came over me.”</p><p>Danneel looks at him again, thinking for a while while Jensen smiles, shyly, without looking at her. Finally, Danneel leans over again and kisses him again, this time Jensen's response is calmer.</p><p>When they separate, after a while, Danneel fixes his gaze on Jensen's now-darkened eyes.</p><p>“Do you want to come up?” she asks.</p><p>“Yes.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 6</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Jared's condition has been changing over the hours and the initial sadness over what happened has turned into increasing annoyance. After waking up in the morning, it didn't take long to realize that Jensen hadn't come to sleep. At first he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, okay, Jensen needs to think, Jared can deal with that. Jared looks for his cell phone in the living room, where he left it, so Jensen would have sent him a message. Nothing, no missed calls, no text messages, no whatsapp, nothing. <em>"He's gonna be a dick."</em> Press the redial button to hear, again, the operator's busy voice informing him that the number he is calling is not available. <em>"Just what I thought, a dick."</em></p><p>Jared spends the day finishing various tasks he has to do, the pace of shooting during the week leaves them no time for anything and, at the end of the week, there is always a lot to do. In the afternoon, he reviews the new scripts that were e-mailed to them that morning.</p><p>Jared is delighted, the plot of this season is very interesting and his character will have to make hard decisions. There is a lot of tension between the brothers and the performances demand a great emotional effort from them, which, for an actor, is always enriching. After a couple of hours, he notices his eyes are tired and he has not been able to concentrate much either, so he decides to leave it for today. It's 9:30 at night and Jensen still doesn't show any signs of life.</p><p>Jared is preparing some dinner when he hears the front door open. He looks out the kitchen door and from there he can see Jensen just as he closes the door behind him.</p><p>“Man! You finally appear...” says Jared in an annoying, somewhat loud tone.</p><p>Jensen doesn't answer, just looks at him unfriendly, as he takes off his jacket, slides it over his broad shoulders and then carefully places it on one of the hangers in the hall closet. He then places the keys on the plate in the entrance cupboard and takes off his shoes.</p><p>Jared looks at him in astonishment, not giving credit to Jensen's still there without saying anything. He feels his anger growing, his hands twitching as the heat invades his face.</p><p>“You could have at least sent a message so I wouldn't worry, come on, it wasn't much of an effort, even if you didn't want to talk to me,” Jared reproaches.</p><p>Jensen continues to say nothing, his face remains serious, overshadowed by the beard now a little thicker after two days. His jaw is tight and tense. He walks towards Jared in a somewhat threatening posture. Jared swallows hard, despite the tension of the situation, he can't help but feel a chill of excitement running through his body. Jensen reminds him of a fearsome cat, powerful and threatening, hypnotizing him with the green glow of his eyes. The smooth, tanned skin that shows through his shirt collar and strong forearms makes Jared's fingers wiggle, wondering what it would be like to feel it under his fingertips. And those firm, slightly bowed legs look enormously sexy to him.</p><p>Jared comes out of his self-absorption when he feels the blow of Jensen's shoulder hitting his as Jensen walks past him through the kitchen door frame. That and his partner's dry voice as he says, "You're not my mother, you're just my roommate," as he rummages through the fridge, pulling out some things, apparently to make himself a sandwich.</p><p>Jared's freaked out, if he was a cartoon, his jaw would have hit the floor.</p><p>“What the hell is that about?” asks Jared. Jensen, remain unmoved, continue with his sandwich. “I'm your friend and I'm worried that I don't know where you are or that you're not coming home without notice.”</p><p>At that point, Jensen turns suddenly, face twitching, eyes flashing, his index finger hitting Jared's chest. “You!” he says, “You! You have no right to tell me anything about friendship... You! You didn't care about me the other day when you were kissing me. You didn't give a shit about how I felt. You were just thinking about yourself,” he says in a strained tone, full of resentment.</p><p>Jared gets petrified, feels that finger drilling into his chest. Jensen's words hit him bitterly. Jensen hates him... Jensen hates him and Jared doesn't know what to do with it. He doesn't know what to say and just stands there, looking sadly at Jensen, his eyes bright and wet. Jensen's eyes are fixed on him, challenging him to say something about it, but his mouth refuses to articulate. After a few seconds, Jensen turns his back to Jared, his hands clutching tightly at the edge of the counter. Jared can see his knuckles turning white from the pressure. Jensen shakes, his shoulders are tense, his back and arms are stiff. Jensen bends his head and takes a long breath.</p><p>“Jensen, please... I'm... I'm sorry... I really am,” Jared says, finally. “Please, it was just stupid. A stupid mistake...” Jared reaches out with a shaking hand to touch Jensen, but he stands in the middle of it as he starts to move again, finishing placing what he had prepared on a tray. “Please talk to me. We can fix this...,” pray.</p><p>Jensen turns with the tray in his hands. For a second, Jared manages to make eye contact. This time there's no anger in Jensen's eyes, only sadness.</p><p>“I have nothing more to say to you, Jared.” And, saying this, he leaves the kitchen and walks up the stairs to his room.</p><p>Jared has to lean against the counter, he's shaking so badly he's sure his legs won't hold him if he doesn't. He brings his hands to his head, his fingers closing tightly between his hair. He bites his lower lip until he feels the metallic taste of blood on his tongue. He closes his eyes tightly, holding back the tears that are struggling to come out. <em>"How could you be such an idiot?"</em> he thinks.</p><p>It's true that he hadn't thought about Jensen, in fact, he hadn't thought about anything at that moment, he had just let himself go, overwhelmed by the stress of that day, added to all that time he had been madly in love with his friend. And Jensen's right, Jared has compromised his friendship just because he wants to know what Jensen's kisses taste like. Now, Jared has to deal with the consequences, and he doesn't know if he can handle it.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jensen leaves the tray on the wooden desk under his bedroom window. He's not hungry anymore. He closes his fingers on the back of the chair in front of him and rests his body weight on one of his legs while he shakes his head again and again. He doesn't want to argue with Jared, that's one of the reasons he's been gone for almost two days. He's angry, he's confused, he feels cheated. Because if Jared felt what he says he feels about him, he should have told him and not done the crazy thing that Jensen certainly feels he can never forgive. And that saddens him greatly because, despite everything he had said in the kitchen, Jared is his best friend. Jensen has never connected with anyone like Jared, they've always been there for each other, for better or for worse. And that's why this situation hurts him so much.</p><p>He sighs again and heads for the shower, needs to freshen up, tomorrow they have to return to filming, and he better get back the sleep he lost last night with Danneel.</p><p>Danneel</p><p>Once in bed, Jensen takes time to think about her. He likes the girl, she's a smart, sweet woman and extremely attractive. He hadn't thought of calling her, he doesn't know why he did it, not that he regrets it. What disturbs Jensen is that during the whole time he was with her, he couldn't get rid of that strange feeling he had felt in the car when he kissed her the first time. Then Danneel invited him up, he couldn't say no.</p><p>The sex had been good, of course that woman knew what to do in a bed. Jensen had been aroused by her kisses, their tongues and hands had run over each other and even the girl had had no problem taking it with her mouth, and fuck that it had been good, but when he finally reached orgasm, that feeling hit Jensen again. A feeling of guilt, of being in the wrong place and that none of it was right.</p><p>Danneel, of course, hadn't noticed any of this, she smiled happily, stroking his back, then tucking his head into his chest, when Jensen got off and lay down next to him. She wasn't angry, when Jensen couldn't face a second round that night and accepted the apology for the stress of the shooting. Jensen had slept badly that night, he doesn't remember what had haunted his sleep, only scraps of grey eyes that looked at him sadly come to his mind. In the morning, he had still not felt like confronting Jared, so he accepted Danneel's offer to spend the day together. <em>"In spite of everything, it wasn’t bad"</em> he now thinks of his bed.</p><p>He turns off the light and goes to sleep, the last thing that comes into his head, just before Morpheus' arms embrace his consciousness, are, again, those sad grey eyes. And a chill runs down his back.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jared runs to the car waiting for him in the driveway, opens the back door and drives himself into the SUV that would take them to the studio. He looks over to his side and only finds an empty space. “Where' s Jensen?” he asks. Certainly, Jared didn't see him this morning, but he was a bit too busy with the dogs and was in a bit of a hurry so he assumed Jensen was already waiting in the car.</p><p>“He called this morning and said we won't wait for him, he'll take his car because he's meeting someone later,” Cliff answers, shrugging.</p><p><em>"Damn, we're still the same,"</em> thinks Jared first, followed by, <em>"What do you mean, he's meeting someone? Who?"</em> Jared crosses his right leg over the other and lays his hands on it, drumming nervously on the calf as he thinks. The frown and the tight lips. Cliff looks at him silently in the mirror.</p><p>They arrive on the set, and the bustle of people, up and down, running, screaming for walkies, moving things, carrying papers and so on, distract Jared from his tribulations. He doesn't see Jensen anywhere, but well, Jared had things to do too, and besides, he has decided not to pressure Jensen anymore, he hopes that time will put everything back in its place. Misha and Mark, they're chatting in the rest area, each with a cup of coffee in their hands.</p><p>“Hey, Sasquatch!” shouts Misha as he raises his hand, drawing his attention to himself.</p><p>“How's my favorite little angel? Fraternizing with your dark side?” replies Jared, directing a wide smile at Misha, which broadens to include Mark as well, who smiles amusedly at the commentary. Misha puts on an offended face for a moment to laugh back at him:</p><p>“I'll be an angel for you today, making you a good cup of coffee. You look like you need it.” And, having said that, he starts messing around with the coffee machine.</p><p>Jared shortens the distance between them, laughing heartily. Misha always conveyed that feeling of optimism and good vibes. During the tough shoot, it's a balm for everyone. And Jared, right now, was feeling great after the long closure weekend. Jared continues to talk to Mark while Misha finishes up the coffee. When he hands it to him, Misha gives him a loud pat on the shoulder and mockingly asks:</p><p>“So, how was your weekend?”</p><p>Jared smiles nervously, his expression saddened for a moment.</p><p>“Well, normal...,” he says, trying to show a carefree smile without looking at his friend. Misha looks at him carefully and exchanges a worried look with Mark, who nods his head, knowing what Misha meant.</p><p>“Well, perfect!” exclaimed Misha. “Remind me never to sign up for one of your 'normal' weekends. Because, honestly, they make you feel like an ass.”</p><p>Jared looked at him, surprised by his words and his tone. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“Fuck, Jared! I saw Jensen this morning and you both look like you just came from your grandmother's funeral. And I tried to talk to him, but you know how he is. And now you're coming over here looking like that. Can you tell me what's going on?”</p><p>“It's nothing... we just had a fight,” Jared said, looking at the tip of his shoes. “A stupid thing, in a couple of days we'll be fine.”</p><p>“Well, I hope so,” says Misha. "I don't want to end up seeing Mark and me as best men in a duel to the death. The wig, the squirts and the tricorn don't suit Mark at all. Trust me," he ends, winking at Jared. He and Mark look at Misha for a second, then burst out laughing, imagining everyone in sixteenth-century costumes.</p><p>That's the best time Jared's had all day. He's crossed paths with Jensen just what is strictly necessary. Jensen avoided him for as long as they didn't have to be on camera. He didn't talk to Jared about anything but what was necessary, either. On the occasions when they had to have physical contact because of the shoot, Jared was aware of the tension building up in Jensen's body, and how he was pulling away from him as quickly as the scene allowed. People on the set looked at them in surprise, though no one dared say anything. Jared returns home alone and stays that way when Jensen decides not to return that night either.</p><p>Jensen made some decisions that morning. He doesn't want to argue with Jared anymore, his friend is confused, maybe it's his fault, maybe their intense friendship has made him behave in a way that will send the wrong signals to Jared. Jensen will keep his distance, at least until Jared realizes this whole thing can't be. Besides, he's still angry with Jared. Jensen leaves the set to go straight to Danneel's hotel.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>The week's been going on the same way, Jared's exhausted, he needs to talk to Jensen. His constant running away is getting on Jared's nerves. Jensen has only slept two nights at home, he goes there only to change his clothes and sometimes not even that since he has taken clothes to the set and he does it there. They're the talk of the whole set, people look at them like they're looking at a bomb and don't know which wire will blow it up when they cut it. <em>How could things have gotten so out of hand?</em></p><p>That night, Jared is lying on the couch watching an action movie he's not paying much attention to. Thinking like another time, he and Jensen would be enjoying it with a couple of beers and a bunch of nuts, with their feet on the table, laughing and cheering the hero in the most exciting scenes. At that moment, he hears the front door open. A glimmer of hope crosses his mind. Perhaps they can finally sit down and talk. A female voice catches his attention. Standing on the sofa, he looks in surprise at the couple who have just broken into the room.</p><p>“Uh..., hello...” says Jensen. “I thought you were already in bed,” he says in a somewhat embarrassed tone.</p><p>Jared doesn't say anything, just looks alternately from Jensen to the girl, who smiles nervously at the scrutiny.</p><p>“Hello... Hey, Jay?” she hesitates to say hello, trying to confirm that she hasn't made a mistake with the name.</p><p>“Jared,” he answers roughly. “Jensen, can we talk?” he asks as he gets up, heading to the kitchen, while sending an angry look to Jensen and his partner.</p><p>Jensen tenses automatically, asks Danneel to wait for him in the living room, and follows Jared into the kitchen. Jared tells him off as soon as he walks through the door.</p><p>“What's this all about, Jensen?”</p><p>“Look, I don't know why you're getting so upset. We were just nearby and I offered Danneel a drink at home. You know there aren't many places to go around here,” Jensen replies with an equally loud tone.</p><p>Jared shakes with rage, crossing his arms to avoid punching Jensen, which is what he really wants.</p><p>“If I remember correctly, we had agreed not to bring dates home.”</p><p>“Look, Jared, that rule is stupid. I wouldn't tell you anything if you brought someone either.” Jared's flashing his eyes at him. “But if it makes you feel any better, Danneel is not a flirt. She and I are in a relationship.” Jensen doesn't know why he said that, but he can't take it back.</p><p>Jared goes white. Leaning on the furniture for a moment, he takes a breath, then straightens up as much as he can and leaves the kitchen slowly and without looking at Jensen anymore.</p><p>Jensen heard the bedroom door close. He closed his eyes, cursing inside. <em>Why was he doing that? Fuck!</em> His head is getting more and more confused.</p><p>Danneel is coming to get him. “Everything OK?” asks.</p><p>“Yes,” he answers. “Come on, let's have a drink. I need it.”</p><p>Take a couple of glasses from the cupboard and a bottle of wine from the refrigerated cellar on the counter. When he has everything, he leads the girl into the living room. They drink, talk and drink more. Jensen is unaware at what point Danneel has sat on his legs, one hand pulling his short hair back, while her mouth devours his, her tongue provoking him, the other hand caressing his chest. Jensen runs his hands up and down Danneel's back, feeling the soft skin through the huge cleavage that reaches almost to her lower back. He runs her thighs from her knees to her buttocks, pressing her against him. Danneel moans in his mouth. Again, that feeling crossed Jensen's mind.</p><p>"Stop!" he thinks to himself.</p><p>Breaking the kiss, Jensen pulls Danneel aside slightly, looking to breathe. Danneel looks at him inquisitively. Holding Jensen's face in her hands, she comes closer, tracing Jensen's lips with her tongue.</p><p>“Again, honey?” she asks. Jensen looks at her, confused. “Come on, honey, I'm right here with you.” Her mouth biting into the edge of Jensen's mouth, then kissing him again. Jensen lets himself go, and after a few moments, they both go upstairs to the room.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>One blow gets Jared's attention and he wakes up startled. Look at the clock that reads quarter to four in the morning. He gets up slowly and heads for the door. He opens it slowly and is stunned by the scene across the hall. Jensen squeezing Danneel against the wall, the girl stroking Jensen's back under his shirt, making the fabric go up and letting Jared see those tight, firm muscles in Jensen's back. Jensen's hands go down the girl's sides to her ass, squeezing it while his tongue runs down Danneel's neck. Jensen continues to lower his hands to her thighs and from there lifts the girl, forcing her to hold on by wrapping her legs around Jensen's hips.</p><p>Jared can't stop looking. At that point, Jensen manages to open the door to the room and the couple is lost inside.</p><p>Jared slowly closes his own door. His body stirs in a mixture of anguish over knowing Jensen is with this woman and excitement over the scene he has just witnessed. His dick had gotten hard right away, seeing Jensen like that, imagining what it would be like to do that to him. Jared reaches under the waistband of his pajama pants and strokes himself hard.</p><p>He's angry with himself, angry because he finds it humiliating to be touching himself, thinking about Jensen while he's banging that woman in the next room. But he can't help it, so he keeps on masturbating rough and hard until the orgasm hits him hard, with a fist in his mouth to avoid screaming. When everything is over, he simply lets his back slide down the wall until he is sitting on the floor and, once there, he starts crying.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>In the other room, the couple is finished. Jensen is confused, feels stupid for having been persuaded to come home and even more so for having ended up like this. He gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom. When he returns, he apologises to Danneel, explains that he has to leave very early for the set tomorrow and that he has asked for a taxi. Danneel looks at him with a certain expression of hate, but says nothing. She gets dressed and lets herself be accompanied to the door. On the way back to his room, Jensen hears Jared crying behind the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 7</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Jensen finishes picking up the clothes he has left on the bed and puts them in the travel bag. He feels bad, hearing Jared cry because of him, it makes him feel miserable. Jensen is aware that he's not handling the situation at all well. He doesn't know what to do, on the one hand he's still angry, or so he tells himself, because he's starting to think that what he really feels is fear, a fear that his subconscious is facing through anger; on the other hand, there's still that feeling of guilt that assails him more and more often, and finally, he's filled with enormous sadness, because he's witnessing how that friendship that he never thought could be broken, is falling apart. No, he certainly doesn't know how to deal with all this.</p><p>Zipping up his bag, he takes his cell phone from the bedside table and leaves the room. He goes downstairs trying not to make any noise, he doesn't want Jared to hear him leave. <em>"God, I look like a thief running from the scene of the crime,"</em> he thinks. But luck is not on his side this morning, as he prepares to make his way to the entrance, he runs into Jared, who comes out of the kitchen door.</p><p>“Hi,” says Jensen, quietly, not daring to look him in the eye. Jared looks terrible, his hair, which always looks shiny and silky, is tangled and dull. Around his eyes, swollen and reddish, dark fences that stand out, even more, with the pallor of his face. Jared wears a wrinkled T-shirt and his pajama pants, his feet remain barefoot. Jared looks up and down at him, turning his gaze to the brown leather bag Jensen is holding. He looks at it again and asks in a low, tired voice.</p><p>“Are you going somewhere?”</p><p>Jensen stirs nervously, clears his throat and tries to offer a smile, which looks more like a grimace. “Look,” he says, “I don't think we're handling this very well. I'm... I'm sorry about last night, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm going away for the weekend, okay? I think it'll be good for both of us.”</p><p>Jared is quiet, clenching his jaw and nodding his head slightly. Jensen gestures back and continues to the door. As he turns the doorknob to open it, Jared's voice sounds behind him. “Where are you going?” he hears him ask. Jensen sighs before turning to answer Jared, he had been begging Jared not to ask that question, but there it is.</p><p>“I'm spending the weekend with Danneel, she wants to visit some places and she's asked me to go with her.”</p><p>Jared, nod again, quietly. Jensen notices how Jared's jaw tightens even more and how his fists are clenched on both sides of his body. Jensen looks down and turns back to the door.</p><p>As Jensen shuts it behind him on his way out, Jared can only hear one: “Take care of yourself, man.”</p><p>The weekend passes without Jared leaving his room except to open the garden door for the dogs and to get some beer and food from the fridge. On Monday, when he looks at himself in the mirror after shaving, he thinks Aly is going to kill him. <em>"You gotta stop doing this to yourself, man,</em>" he thinks. He sighs heavily and leaves the house trying not to think about what the meeting with Jensen will be like.</p><p>To give Jared's battered nervous system some rest, the day hasn't gone so badly. Not that Jensen is back to being his best friend, but at least the tone of their relationship has remained more or less cordial even though, like the week before, Jared has only seen him when they've had to shoot together. That night, Jensen doesn't return home either, but he sends him a message to warn him that he will be staying with Danneel again. Jared's really starting to hate that woman.</p><p>The rest of the week is more or less the same, Jensen avoids him as much as possible. On the days he comes home, they talk just enough and almost always about work-related topics, most of the time Jensen eats dinner in his room. Jared has found that Jensen, while appearing more treatable, is even more uptight about physical contact. He has witnessed his face tense on more than one occasion during the shoot when contact between the brothers was somewhat more intimate. This makes Jared uncomfortable, because, ok, it is true that he is in love with his friend, and ok it is true that Jared had kissed him by surprise, but it is not as if he was going to grope him by taking advantage of the script. The truth is, Jared's starting to get pretty upset about it.</p><p>Jensen is, too. His relationship with Danneel is going great, they had fun together, they have similar interests, the sex is great... So, he wonders, what happens to him every time Jared touches him? Why can't he stop his whole body from tensing and a chill running down his spine, leaving him paralyzed? His brain is going to melt down from thinking about it. That's why he keeps avoiding Jared as much as possible. He tries to convince himself that what he needs to do is focus on work and his new relationship.</p><p>Danneel starts to become a regular on the set, visiting Jensen in the evenings and sometimes at lunchtime. Jared imagines a thousand ways to kill her every time he sees her arrive, plus that woman always seems to choose to appear the moment Jared is present. That day has been the last straw, they are all eating at one of the tables in the tent that serves as the dining room, when Jared sees her arrive, approaching Jensen who is sitting with his back to her. Danneel wiggles over and leans over Jensen's back, sliding her hand over his shoulder, pulling it down over his chest, as he makes her mouth join Jensen's in a possessive kiss when Jensen turns his head to see who it was. Danneel does all this by staring into Jared's eyes. Sending him a clear message that Jensen is hers.</p><p>Danneel is not stupid, she doesn't know exactly what goes on between the two friends, but she is aware of the adoration that Jared's eyes have for her boyfriend, and although she is sure that Jensen doesn't play in that league, he already makes it clear to her every night at the hotel, she has also noticed those lapses that Jensen sometimes suffers when they are together. So, Danneel is willing to make it clear to the long-haired giant that Jensen is only hers and that the stallion will only ride between her legs.</p><p>Jensen blushes up to his ears, looks embarrassed at everyone at the table who has been shocked by the girl's attitude, who just smiles as she straddles the bench next to Jensen.</p><p>“Hey, honey, did you miss me?” she asks with a smile, to continue greeting the rest of the table with a brief: “Hi, guys.”</p><p>Everyone in the room says hello back except Jared who starts to pick up his stuff and gets up, excusing himself. “See you guys later, they're waiting for me in the dressing room and I' m late.”</p><p>“Goodbye, Jay...” answers Danneel with his best smile.</p><p>Jared tightens his grip, clenching his jaw as if he wanted to break it. He looks at the girl furiously and then at Jensen, who apologises with his eyes.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>The days go by and the situation doesn't get any better. Jared curses the almost two months he has left of shooting. He needs a holiday and he needs his family. At home in San Antonio, he can find peace of mind. He can't take any more of this tension. Today he is shooting alone with Misha and Jim. Jensen only went in the morning to edit the audio of some scenes and left early. Jared, on the other hand, has not been so lucky and has been shooting for over twelve hours, he is exhausted and looking forward to getting home. The good thing about being alone almost every night is that he can get home, take a shower and go to bed early. Yeah, it'll be great...</p><p>The bad thing is, sometimes things don't go as expected.</p><p>When he gets home, Jared is surprised to see Jensen's car parked out front. He doesn't remember him telling him to plan to come. He says goodbye to Cliff after setting the time he would come to pick him up in the morning and gets out of the car with a grunt as he forces his tired muscles to move again. He enters and dumps his jacket in the hall. The soft light in the living room makes him suppose that Jensen must be there, so he walks into the room while asking the air: “Jensen? I thought you weren't coming today.”</p><p>He finishes the sentence as he reaches the double glass door leading into the living room. As soon as he walks through the door, Jared is frozen in place. On the huge black leather sofa, which occupies a large part of the room, lying between the backrest and the armrest and with his legs crossed at the ankles and stretched out over it, Danneel is there, looking at him with one of his most fake smiles. Jared, instantly tensing up.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” he asks in a cold tone. Danneel doesn't flinch at all.</p><p>“What do you think, Jay?” answering, emphasizing the diminutive.</p><p>Jared feels the anger coursing through his body, clenches his jaw, and mumbles again, “Where's Jensen?”</p><p>At that very moment, Jensen appears in the room. Jared turns to look at him, his gray eyes glowing with rage. Jensen pauses in surprise, but seeing the hostility in Jared's eyes, his body tightens in defense.</p><p>“We were just leaving,” Jensen uses a conciliatory tone, but not without some warning. “I just needed to grab a few things.”</p><p>Jared doesn't move a muscle, he just keeps looking at Jensen without saying anything. Jensen keeps looking at him in the same way. Danneel chooses that moment to get up and stand between the two of them. He wraps his arm around Jensen's waist, staring at Jared as she smiles. Jared's back tightens, rising to its full height. Danneel continues as if she hadn't noticed, spinning around her boyfriend's waist, turning her back to Jared and wrapping her arms around Jensen's neck,</p><p>“Honey...” she says innocently. “Since Jay has come..., we can have dinner here the three of us... So we can get to know each other better.” She then pulls her hand from the back of Jensen's neck as she reaches out to kiss him. Jared's body is shaking with rage, that's too much, he doesn't have to deal with that shit in his house. Jared feels the pulse beating in his temple, and like a cold sweat runs down his back. Seeing Jensen go around Danneel's waist during the kiss makes what little control he has left go away.</p><p>In a rage, Jared turns to the couple, holding Danneel by the arm, pulls her towards the door. Danneel groans, both from surprise and from the pain of the giant's grip on her. “What are you doing? Are you crazy?” protest. Jared doesn't answer her as he continues to lead her down the hallway. Jensen, who has been stunned, reacts now, trying to stop Jared.</p><p>Jensen's holding his arm by pulling it. “Hey! What are you doing?”</p><p>Jared faces him, Jensen shrinks for a second at the impressive presence of his friend. Nor does he have time to think about anything else when the pain invades his brain after the giant's successful punch, which hits his jaw, bringing him down. Time stands still for a second for everyone, then Jared grabs Danneel by the wrist again and finishes pulling her out of the house. When he drops it at the door, Danneel turns furiously and rebukes him.</p><p>“You're crazy! You can't do this! Jensen's my boyfriend and there's nothing you can do to change that! Look at you, Jared! You're so pathetic...”</p><p>Danneel is immediately silent when Jared steps forward, so close that she can't help but shrink, intimidated by the height of that man who looks at her with hate.</p><p>“Get out of my house,” he spits with anger. “I don't care what kind of shit you're up to with Jensen, but I don't want to see you here anymore.” After that, Jared goes into the house and slams the door.</p><p>Jensen waits for him inside, standing where he left off. With his fingers, he squeezes the cut on his lip from Jared's punch. His green eyes give off anger. Furious, he pounces on Jared, pushing on his chest. “What the hell are you doing?!” He screams. Jared settles into place after the push, frowning, clenched fists.</p><p>“What am I doing?! What are you doing, Jensen?! What is she doing here?”</p><p>“I think I remember telling you I was in a relationship with her,” Jensen yells again, not looking away from Jared.</p><p>“Oh, yeah!” responds sarcastically, Jared. “How to forget. Yeah, I think it was pretty clear to me when I saw you fucking her in the hallway.”</p><p>Jensen is surprised for a moment, but he doesn't let up. “Wow! I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, princess...” he says in a hurtful tone. “Here's the deal...”</p><p>Jared stands up even more, threatening, his teeth are so clenched he can barely speak. “No, don't worry, it's been made very clear to me how macho you are,” he says dragging his words. “I never thought you'd be such an asshole.”<br/>“Ah!” protests Jensen, crossing his arms. “Now it's my fault? I think it was you who kissed me!”</p><p>“How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry? You think I'm not regretting it?” Jared's anger turns to anguish, he feels his hands start to shake. He needs Jensen to understand.</p><p>Jensen turns his back, walks a few steps away from Jared. Arms in jars and head down. He sighs as one of his hands rubs his face. “Why did you do that? Damn it, why did you do that?” Jensen shakes his head. “You've ruined everything... we were friends... we were friends and now it's all gone to hell.”</p><p>Tears run down Jared's cheeks, the two steps that separate him from Jensen now seem insurmountable. But this has to end, here and now, no matter what the outcome. So he walks over to Jensen and grabs his arm, forcing him to look at him. Jensen shakes off his grip and Jared looks at his hand, now empty, in surprise. That reminds him of all the contact refusals of the last few days, and the anger comes back to him. He pushes Jensen against the wall, Jensen's back hits the smooth surface with a thud. Jensen stands still for a moment, then tries to get out of there. Jared grabs him by the arms and holds him against the wall.</p><p>His gaze gives off fire. “Do you think I won't try?” He mumbles in an icy tone. “Do you think I wasn't surprised? To feel all this I feel... do you know how long I've been fighting it?” Spitting, clinging to Jensen even more. “Denying it every day because I knew it couldn't be. Waiting for these feelings to go away.” Jared's shaking, but there's no way he can stop. “They're not going away, Jensen! They're not going away... And yes, I was an idiot doing that, I've regretted it many times. But you know something, Jensen? At least I don't have to hide anymore.” Tears are running down Jared's cheeks again, his voice is almost a whisper. “This is who I am, Jensen. And I'm sorry, I'm really sorry...”</p><p>Jared looks at Jensen's face, so perfect, the green of his eyes surrounded by those long eyelashes, his adorable freckles and that mouth, those lips that make him sigh so much. He leans over them and takes them between his own. He runs around the contour with his tongue, pressing against that lower lip that drives him crazy, caressing the edges of the wound that he himself has caused when he hit him, feeling the taste of blood on his lips. He breaks away for a moment and again places a sweet, chaste kiss on Jensen's lips, a kiss of farewell.</p><p>Jensen hasn't moved during all that time. Now, when Jared looks at him, he's aware of the tension on Jensen's face, his once easy-to-understand eyes now seem indecipherable. Fear? Anger? Actually, Jared doesn't want to know, either way it means it's over. Their friendship has come to an end. Lean his forehead against Jensen's and close his eyes for a moment</p><p>“I'm sorry,” he whispers, “I'll get my things tomorrow. As soon as the shooting is over, I'll announce my withdrawal from the show.” Slowly, he releases Jensen's arms and separates from him. He looks at him one last time, Jensen is still there, quiet and motionless. Jared turns around and runs to his room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 8</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Jensen remains immobile even after Jared has left. His brain is unable to process everything that just happened. A great deal of emotion hits his, even stunned, mind. Slowly, he breaks away from the wall, turning to look at it, surprised that it was there, as if he didn't understand that it might be what has been holding him all this time. He takes a few steps forward, rubbing his face with his hand, sliding it up to the back of his neck, then up through his short hair, following the path to his forehead and back again. He stands there, his eyes moving bewilderedly, running through space without noticing anything in particular.</p><p>He cannot believe how quickly it has all happened. One moment he was quietly picking up a few things he needed, and the next he found Jared and Daneel in the living room, and then... then it was all chaos. Jared dragging Danneel, Jensen trying to stop him, the punch, and after that, that confrontation with Jared. The image of Jared screaming at him in anger, with that anguish his gray eyes showed, hit him hard. Jared seemed broken, and despite himself, Jensen knows it's his fault. He's been acting like an asshole this whole time. <em>"I was scared, damn it!"</em></p><p>Yes, now he knows, the truth pierces his conscience like a sharp arrow. He felt that fear running through his back only moments ago, as he felt Jared's warm lips beside his own. Because... God! What he felt during that brief moment has shaken his whole being and he is now unable to assimilate it.</p><p>Jensen continues to walk up and down from the entrance at the top of the stairs. He looks up and a new memory suddenly assails him. Jared says he's leaving. No, no, no... That's not right, that's not right at all.</p><p>Jensen sits down on one of the steps of the staircase, his hands slide, tense, down his thighs. His right leg begins to move, up and down, nervously. <em>"Jared can't leave..."</em> Jensen rests his elbows on his knees, holds his head in his hands and focuses on breathing. He's getting very nervous and the last thing he needs right now is an anxiety attack. He gives himself a few minutes, massaging his temples with his fingers, trying to think.</p><p>He has to talk to Jared, Jensen still doesn't know what he's feeling, he'll need time to think about it, but what he does know is that he doesn't want to lose Jared, he doesn't want Jared to leave. The mere thought that that might happen makes him very anxious. He takes a few minutes to calm down and hold on to the banister, takes the impulse to get up. In an instant, he's standing in front of the closed door of Jared's room.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jared had run to lock himself in his room. Everything that happened that night made him make the hardest decision of his life. Jensen would never love him back, nor would he forgive him for what he'd done, and, Jared, he can't take any more of this. This situation is not healthy for him, he cannot continue to be hung up on Jensen like this, hooked up on something that clearly has no future. He hurts himself and he hurts Jensen. And that's the last thing he wants in this world. Besides, Jared's also afraid, afraid of what those feelings were making him do.</p><p>The memory of how he'd dragged Danneel through the house and threatened her, it haunts his mind. She deserved it, she's certainly a bitch, but Jared's not like that, he's not that kind of person. He never imagined he could behave that way and that makes him sad. For all that, the best thing he can do is leave, leave completely, he knows he can't get over this if he stays close to Jensen, so he'll resign and go far away from there. He'll come home, at least, for a while. He knows that his withdrawal is going to cause a big stir, and he's sad when he thinks that he's going to stop seeing all those people with whom he has shared so much during those four years, but he knows that he wouldn't have the strength to continue, and after all, it was practically a fact that the series would only continue for another season. So, Jared's not going to back down.</p><p>Jared is immersed in his thoughts as he lies, curled up, in his bed. His gaze is lost through the window pane, through which dim shadows slide, caused by the tree branches illuminated by the street lamps. His enormous body trembles with the tremors that are the product of the accumulated tension during the fight with Jensen. Jared feels his whole body stiff and sore. He reaches out for the quilt next to him and covers himself with it. He closes his eyes and sighs heavily. <em>"You have to try to relax,"</em> he thinks. And, at that moment, he feels a knock on his door.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jensen takes a minute in front of Jared's door. He needs to be clear about what he's going to tell him. <em>"You can't screw up anymore, man,"</em> he says to himself. He takes a deep breath and exhales it out through his nose. He raises his hand and slams his knuckle on the white surface of the door. He counts to three and puts his hand on the knob, pushing down and in.</p><p>“Jay... can I come in?” he asks. His voice comes out raspy and hoarse. He swallows saliva as he pokes his head into the room. Jared doesn't respond, but Jensen notices how he shrinks more in bed. Jensen hesitates for a moment, but muster his courage and enters the room, closing the door slowly behind him. A tense movement can be felt in Jared's shoulders under the quilt.</p><p>Jared remains silent. Jensen throws his arms back, resting his palms on the door and leaning his back on it. With his head down he whispers to his friend. “Jay, I... -I need to talk to you...”</p><p>Jensen waits, but seeing that Jared doesn't plan to answer, he decides to continue. “I'm sorry... You're right, I'm a jerk. I've been a jerk, but Jared, I don't want you to go...” Jensen's voice sounds shaky.</p><p>Jared blinks for a moment and turns on the bed so he can see Jensen. He's standing there, leaning against the door, looking somewhere on the carpet between his feet and the bed. The little light coming through the window only shows half his face, the rest remains framed in shadows. Jensen looks up at the movement and Jared sees a deep well of sadness in his eyes.</p><p>“Jared, I don't want you to leave,” he repeats. “Please don't. You're very important to me.”</p><p>Jared stands up, leaning on his elbow, looking intently at Jensen. He feels his heart pounding. What did it all mean? Jared thought Jensen wanted him far away. A glimmer of hope nestles in his chest, but he won't let it go. He can't get his hopes up and then be shattered again. So, he sits up on the edge of the bed in front of Jensen.</p><p>“I have to do it Jensen, I can't take this anymore. I can't control how I feel, and that, that hurts me. And I know you're having a hard time because of me, too. I can't let this keep happening. It's not fair to either of us.”</p><p>Jared feels the emotion clinging to his throat and becomes silent again, as he clenches his jaw trying to control himself.</p><p>“I just need time...,” mumbles Jensen.</p><p>Jared's eyes open in surprise at that phrase. <em>"What? What do you mean, time? What is Jensen talking about?"</em> Jared looks inquisitively into his friend's eyes. Jensen looks away from the carpet again.</p><p>“What do you mean, time?” he asks in a cautious, suspicious voice. “Time for what?”</p><p>Jensen looks at him for a moment, seems embarrassed. His hands move to the front of his stomach, interlacing his fingers and rubbing the thumb of his right hand on the palm of his left, in a nervous and worried gesture. Again, his gaze returns to the carpet.</p><p>“I'm scared Jared..., I'm scared to death, man...” Jensen crosses his gaze with his friend for a moment and Jared can see his eyes blurred with moisture. Jared doesn't know how to process this information, he doesn't know what to say either, so he chooses to nod his head, hoping that it will stand up to Jensen's continued explanation.</p><p>“I'm... I'm confused, Jared. When you kissed me before... Damn... God... I swear I felt things, things I can't explain...” Jensen denies it, turning his head with his eyes closed. Jared keeps listening, without moving a muscle, his hands tightly squeezing the edge of the mattress. He doesn't even dare to breathe.</p><p>“I don't know what I feel, Jay. I have no idea what this is all about and it scares me. It scares the hell out of me. I need that time, I need to clear my head...” Jensen looks up, blinking quickly to hold back the tears caused by the nervousness stirring up his body.</p><p>“Fuck, man... I don't like men, you know?” He looks at Jared with some rage, but Jared can also see in that look the plea, the quiet plea for understanding. Jared nods his head again.</p><p>“I know it's not fair that I'm asking you this, I don't want to give you a hope that I may not be able to fulfill. But please don't go, because if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that I don't want to lose everything we've had so far.”</p><p>Jensen looks at Jared with a forced smile. That' s it, he's said it. Now it's just a matter of Jared's decision. His friend is quiet, staring at him. From the taut lines on his face, Jensen thinks he's trying to evaluate the response. He feels his heart pounding, and a huge pressure squeezes his lungs to the point where he can barely breathe.</p><p>“Okay...” Jared responds with a serious gesture.</p><p>Jensen feels his lungs filling up again. His hands fall on either side of his body to wipe the sweat from his palms on the denim that covers his thighs. He takes a step towards Jared. But then he hesitates and looks shyly at his friend. “Thank you,” he says quietly. Then he turns and leaves the room, carefully closing the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 9</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>That morning, Jensen wakes up early. The shy rays of sunshine begin to illuminate part of the room, filling it with soft orange colors. He still feels a little tired and lazy, but finally, after a long time, he has managed to sleep for several hours at a time in peace and quiet. Not that everything in his life has been solved, of course, but having opened up to himself, gives him a certain kind of calm. Now he must focus, "only", on rearranging the pieces of the puzzle that is now his life. <em>"Little by little, kid."</em></p><p>Jensen gets up with renewed energy, takes a shower and puts on something comfortable. The night before, with all the mess, the least he had thought about was dinner, and now his stomach is roaring with rage over the eighteen-plus hours it' s been without food. He goes down to the kitchen and prepares breakfast. He turns on the coffee machine and starts up some eggs and some bacon in the pan, he's really hungry. While this is being done, he puts four slices of bread in the toaster. When everything is ready and while Jensen is setting the table, Jared appears through the door frame.</p><p>“Hey! It smells good...”</p><p>“Hey! Hi.” Jensen looks at him with a shy smile on his lips. “Serve yourself, man. I was starving.”</p><p>Jared smiles back at him and sets out to serve himself a little bit of everything on a plate. He warms up some milk for his coffee, as Jensen drinks it alone, and when he has it all ready he heads for the table, where Jensen is already sitting. He sits down in front of him and, for a while, neither of them says anything.</p><p>“Jensen, I'm... I'm sorry about last night...”</p><p>“No, Jay... What happened, happened. Let's just leave it at that, okay?” Jensen shuffles around in his seat. “No more apologies.”</p><p>“But I hit you! I shouldn't have.” Jared looks at his friend's split, swollen lip.</p><p>“I deserved it... Let it go. What I don't know is how I'm gonna explain it to Manners. I think they're going to have to change the script, he's going to have a stroke,” he says laughing and looking at Jared with amusement.</p><p>Jared, who still looks embarrassed, when he sees the happy expression in Jensen's eyes, starts laughing too. “He's going to kill you! There was no fight planned for this week,” he ends with a laugh.</p><p>“Ah, no, no, no. If he gets violent, I'll say it's your fault,” answers Jensen, throwing a piece of bread in his face.<br/>2<br/>“Traitor! You won't be able to.</p><p>At this point, the two of them laugh and joke, while trying to eat breakfast.</p><p>The moment passes between laughs, both finally relaxed after so long, everything is fine until Jensen's phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket and his face suddenly changes when he sees the caller ID. He stares at it for a moment, until his finger slides over the reject button. Jared looks at him with a scowl.</p><p>“Danneel?” he asks. Jensen looks up from the phone with a guilty expression.</p><p>“I'm... sorry,” he says as he gets up, picking up some things from the table and carrying them to the sink. “I have to go...” Jensen turns just enough to see Jared nod seriously. Jensen gives him a forced smile and leaves the kitchen to go up to his room.</p><p>Jared remains seated at the table. For a moment he had forgotten everything, for a while they were the same as always. After what Jensen had told him in his room last night, Jared is hopeful again and has forgotten that there are still many things to be done, things that have not been long in coming. Jensen told him he felt something, but he also said he didn't know what it was. Now, after Danneel's call, watching Jensen leave, all his doubts come back with a bang. He understands that Jensen needs to clear his head, that he needs time and Jared is willing to give it to him, but now that hope has nested in his chest, he is more afraid than ever of losing this battle.</p><p>Jensen goes upstairs to get dressed. In his room, he has returned the call to Danneel, who is furious, both at what happened the night before and at the fact that Jensen would not have had the decency to call her. He tries to calm her down as best he can and proposes to meet her for lunch. Fuck, he didn't even remember her. Jensen sighs with a tired sigh as he puts his shoes on. He doesn't know what he's going to say to Danneel, all his doubts assault him again. Can't everything be as easy as before?</p><p>Before he leaves the house, he says goodbye to Jared. The insecurity in his friend's eyes makes him feel bad, Jensen tries to reassure him with a smile.</p><p>In the car, on the way to the hotel, Jensen decides he has to break up with Danneel. Independently of how he feels about Jared, Jensen knows that the relationship with her has been forced by the situation he was living in with Jared and that, under normal circumstances, it would not have lasted more than a couple of weekends. He doesn't want to hurt Danneel, the truth is he's been acting like a jerk to everyone lately, but he needs to focus on his feelings and being in a relationship doesn't help with that at all. Now, the hard part will be telling her.</p><p>When he arrives at the hotel and asks the staff at the reception desk to let her know, the employee tells him that Danneel has asked to come upstairs. Jensen expresses his gratitude for the message and with a loud sigh he heads for the elevator. He hoped that he would not have to be alone with her, so he invited her to lunch, believing that being in a public place would contain the temperament that Jensen knows Danneel possesses. Now, his hopes have been dashed. He knocks on the door and hears the tapping of a pair of shoes approaching. Danneel opens with a scowl.</p><p>She wears a white sleeveless blouse with a pronounced V-shaped neckline, a tight black skirt which is too short, followed by elegant black high heels. Danneel is finished putting on some long, thin silver earrings when she steps aside to let Jensen pass. Jensen walks to the centre of the room, trying to keep his distance.</p><p>“Are you ready?” he asks innocently, without looking at her. Danneel looks at him, frowning.</p><p>“That's all you have to say?” She's telling off, threateningly. “Yesterday, your friend behaves like an animal and drags me out of your house and you say nothing? Not to mention that I'm still waiting for you to call and ask how I am,” she continues, raising her voice.</p><p>“Look, Dan, I told you before that I'm sorry.Jared's my friend, we've been having a bad time and what can I say... it was all a misunderstanding, okay?” respond in a tired tone. But Danneel is not willing to let it go.</p><p>“Misunderstanding?! Do you hear yourself? That guy is crazy! I still have the marks of his hand on my arm! I don't understand how you can put your friend before your girlfriend.” Danneel gets closer and closer to Jensen, facing him, angry that he doesn't have the answer he expects from his partner.</p><p>Jensen closes his eyes, tired. He stands there with his hands in his pockets, listening to that woman, demanding him over and over again. And he's getting tired. He doesn't want to do it this way, but Danneel isn't leaving him much choice.</p><p>“Dan, we need to talk.”</p><p>That phrase sets off all of Danneel's alarms. She immediately shuts up and stares at Jensen.</p><p>Jensen steps forward and raises his hand to Danneel's shoulder, down by the arm to the elbow, stroking it. -I'm sorry, you're a wonderful woman, but...</p><p>“No! Don't say it...” Danneel interrupts him.</p><p>“Dan..., I'm having a hard time, I need to clear some things up and for that, I need to be alone. I'm really sorry.”</p><p>Danneel looks at him furiously, shaking her arm vigorously, takes his hand away from her.</p><p>“It was him, wasn't it?” she scolds him angrily. “That bloody friend of yours has got you in his pocket, hasn't he?” Danneel is upset, screaming with his arms in jars, his whole body shaking with rage.</p><p>“I don't know what you're talking about...” Jensen answers, suspiciously. “Please calm down.”</p><p>“Calm down?!” I'm not blind, Jensen. That bastard is dying for your bones and you're leading him on. But I'll tell you something, he'll never be able to give you what I give you.” Danneel keeps talking as she cuts the distance to Jensen, grabbing him by the collar and forcing him to bend over.</p><p>“He's not going to give you this...” Danneel presses her lips against Jensen's, moving through them, pressing eagerly, catching the others in between hers, licking them with her tongue. She slides one hand across Jensen's chest, stroking him, and lowers her other hand to his crotch, squeezing it possesively.</p><p>It takes Jensen a minute to react, holding the girl's wrists and bringing them up to chest height while exerting the force necessary to pull her away. “No!” Danneel resists, but Jensen holds her down until she seems to give up. “I have to go. I'm sorry. Goodbye, Danneel.” And saying this, he heads for the door and leaves the room as fast as he can. After closing up behind him, as he heads for the lift, he can still hear Danneel's derogatory screams. When the elevator doors close, Jensen lets himself have the luxury of breathing easy.</p><p>As he heads home, Jensen realizes that a great weight has been taken off his shoulders. Now he has only one thing left to think about. Jared.</p><p>What he'd felt the night before has shaken his entire foundation. Jensen has never felt any kind of attraction to a man, nothing! And, of course, he's never thought of Jared that way. So... <em>"What's wrong with me?"</em> he asks himself.</p><p>He's overwhelmed by the feelings Jared provokes in him, but not only that. If Jensen were to take a step forward, which he doesn't now, it would involve a lot of other things that Jensen needs to consider. From what his relationship would be like (for God's sake! I hadn't thought about it, damn it! He never imagined having sex with a guy), and all the consequences it would have on his life. How it would affect their families, their careers..., they're public figures and they can't act lightly, not with something like that. All these things and some more, are things that worry him and he has to think very, very well.</p><p>When he gets home Jared is in the back yard with the dogs. He goes to the fridge and gets two beers. He watches Jared through the window before leaving. Jared bears a wide smile and laughs happily as he holds up a toy, encouraging the dogs to jump. His hair is disheveled, the sun's glare causing flashes in it when he moves. Jared wears a grey T-shirt with short sleeves and a v-neck that fits his chest muscles. His strong arm, raised to hold that toy, makes the fabric rise up and reveal some of the skin on his stomach, which is firm and smooth, and the beginning of the depression of his hip bone, which is lost through the waistband of some worn-out jeans. Unconsciously, Jensen bites his lower lip.</p><p>He takes off his shoes and socks, likes to feel the coolness of the grass on his feet, and goes out into the garden. The moment he does, Jared falls on his ass, pushed by the dogs. The boy laughs happily, sitting on the ground, trying to get them off him. When Jared notices his presence, he turns to look at him, and Jensen is breathless when he sees his wide smile. Jensen gulps down and walks over to Jared, offering him the beer. Jared throws the toy to the dogs to keep them away and reaches out to grab the bottle offered to him. Jensen hands it to him and walks back to the house, eventually sitting on the back porch steps. He makes a toast to Jared and takes a long drink. Jared mimics him. They remain silent, each in his own place. Jensen watches the dogs as they play, and from time to time, slips in a quick glance at Jared.</p><p>Jared looks at him curiously, but says nothing, just continues to throw the toy to the dogs, who seem not to get tired of bringing it.</p><p>“I've broken up with Danneel.” He hears Jensen say.</p><p>Jared stops what he's doing, Sadie bites the toy in his hand, tugging. Jared drops it and the dogs go. He turns his head to stare at Jensen. He feels a twist in his chest with the news. Jensen looks at him with a slightly sunny frown, his eyes seem to be seeking his approval, which surprises Jared.</p><p>Jared sits down, bringing his knees up, arms stretched out in front of him. He rolls the bottle between his hands, as he looks past it. After a moment, he turns his head to Jensen and nods to him. Jensen gestures back and takes another sip of his drink. The two remain there, talking, until the daylight leaves them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Chapter 10</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>The days continue to pass and normality returns. They both thank you in silence. Jared, freed from the tension of having to hide his feelings, has regained weight and visibly improved his physical appearance. He's still nervous about what Jensen might decide, but at least he can enjoy his friend's company as before. The jokes are back, the afternoons watching movies or a game are back, and the atmosphere is relaxed both at home and at work. The whole team is grateful, because it had been very hard to deal with those two idiots. How were they supposed to represent that strong bond between brothers if those two idiots didn't talk to each other? Thank God and luckily for everyone, they're good actors. But, well, it seems they don't have to worry about that anymore.</p><p>Jensen is also doing better, he still has many doubts, but he himself is surprised by the naturalness with which he is beginning to accept some feelings that would otherwise have upset him.</p><p>That afternoon, the two of them are in Jensen's trailer, playing some Wii games while waiting for nightfall, as they have to shoot some night scenes. They've just finished playing the last game and Jared is picking on Jensen, laughing his head off as he's beaten him up for the last three rounds. Jensen gets up from the sofa, threatening his ancestors that they should have been dead years ago (which only makes Jared laugh more), and goes to the fridge to get something to drink. Jensen throws one of the bottles at Jared, who grabs it on the fly, still with tears in his eyes. He opens his and sits on the other couch, facing Jared. Jared can feel Jensen's eyes on him, he seems to want to ask something, but he can't quite make up his mind. Jensen's face is focused and thoughtful. Jared straightens up a bit and gives him a questioning look. Finally, Jensen seems to make up his mind.</p><p>“When did you realize?” Jensen wriggles nervously on the couch. “That you like guys and all...,” he finishes saying, in an almost inaudible murmur.</p><p>Jared gets a little more serious, but answers quickly, looking directly into Jensen's eyes. “I don't like men. I just like you.”</p><p>Jensen raises an eyebrow in surprise. He remains pensive for a while longer, in which Jared remains silent, simply observing him and giving him his time.</p><p>“Why?” Jensen asks again. If Jared isn't gay, why did it all start? Jensen knows it's a bit childish of him to ask this, especially when he's starting to feel things himself and is obviously not gay either. But, deep down, Jensen believes that his, now new, feelings have arisen in response to those previously expressed by Jared. And what he really wants to know is, if Jensen hasn't given him any kind of cue, how Jared came to have these feelings for him.</p><p>Jared shrugs his shoulders and with a somewhat melancholy smile answers his friend.</p><p>“I don't know, it just happened,” he says, looking at Jensen, who is still staring at Jared. “I don't know what you want me to say,” he continues. “It wasn't something I expected, or even something I ever imagined. I don't know if it's because of all the time we've spent together, because of the trust we've always had in each other...,” he says. “Jensen... I don't know... I just know that one day you became indispensable to me, I needed to be by your side as long as possible, because if I didn't see you, if I didn't feel you were close, I was short of breath...</p><p>Jared keeps talking while he looks down in shame.</p><p>“I'm scared too, Jen... Don't think I didn't fight this, that I didn't deny it a thousand times. I told myself it was just a temporary thing, some kind of crisis or something. That I'd find a girl... a thousand excuses! But I'm still here and I still feel the same way...” Jared now looks up to find Jensen's eyes totally focused on him. “I'm sorry I put you in this position, I really am.”</p><p>“Don't be, it's not your fault...” Jensen mutters, lowering his head and looking away from Jared's eyes, which right now, he feels were burning. Jensen looks at the bottle in his hands, thinking about everything Jared has said, brings it to his lips and takes a long gulp.</p><p>“So you have no experience?” asks again, between serious and concerned.</p><p>“No,” answers Jared calmly.</p><p>“God!” exclaims Jensen with a half smile and a mocking tone. “If this goes on, we'll be two pathetic virgins.” Finish the sentence and start laughing. Jared looks at him in surprise at first, then he looks offended for a minute, and then accompanies his friend in the laughter. At that moment, a knock on the door tells them it's time to get back to work. Jared goes out first, while Jensen pats his shoulder as he walks down the four steps of the trailer. Both still with a funny smile on their lips.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jared has to go away for a few days to San Antonio. His father has had a minor heart attack, and Jared has taken a few days off to make sure everything is still okay. Jensen surprises himself by blaming Jared's absence much more than he might have thought. He wants to call him and talk to him. Of course, he had sent him a message asking about his father, to which Jared had responded, saying that everything was fine and that he would be released in a couple of days. Jared was going to wait until he left his father well cared for at home and then he would return.</p><p>But what Jensen really wants is to hear his voice.</p><p>Jensen is lying on the couch, legs crossed over the table, while he lies on his back in the backrest, with one arm over this one and the other holding a beer in his lap. He watches a game on TV, to which he is paying very little attention. His thoughts travel back a few days.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>They were shooting several scenes that day, from the episode that was going to be called "Sex &amp; Violence". The first scene they were shooting was one of those at the end of the chapter, the set represented one of those many motel rooms the two brothers frequented. This one was particularly horrible, Jensen sometimes wondered if such places really existed. Black walls, full of red lions facing each other, the kind that appear on medieval shields, a black screen and lamps with red tulips.</p><p>Jensen, in this case, Dean, had to wait for Jared to come in and then hold him in the back, threatening him with a knife in the neck. When the director gave the order to start, everyone was ready. Jared went in, and Jensen grabbed him tightly, pulling him back, running one hand around his neck, holding him at chest level, and with the other hand sticking the knife to his throat. Jensen's back was against the wall and on his chest was Jared's back, who was holding him by both wrists as he squirmed to free himself.</p><p>Jensen had his face glued to Jared's. From so close, he could smell the scent of his aftershave and a little bit below it, his skin. This triggered a response in certain parts of Jensen's anatomy that he certainly didn't expect. Jensen was so surprised that he let Jared go, spoiling the shot. It took three more, as Jensen was unable to concentrate, first because of the remarkable excitement he was carrying, and second, because of the embarrassment that Jared, who was so close, and the rest of the team, would notice. Also, it didn't help that the actor who was playing the villain at the time would come over and whisper in his ear, ordering him to cut Sam's neck. That shot Jensen's imagination to unsuspected limits.</p><p>After Dean released Sam, the brothers had a confrontation in which they would thrown different issues in each other's faces, only to finish by beating each other across the room. It was very intense, and Jensen had to put a lot of emotional baggage on his character. At times, he felt as if Dean's feelings for Sam were intertwined with his feelings for Jared.</p><p>While he was in front of Jared, during that discussion, reciting his part of the script, he couldn't take his eyes off his face. That image now comes to his mind, he sees those bright grey eyes, with a sarcastic look, challenging the character in front of him, the bangs falling on the right side of his forehead, those thin lips, tight, with the left corner slightly raised, offering a mocking smile. The fake blood running down his neck, giving Jared a rough, wild look. That memory, now makes Jensen stir on the couch nervously.</p><p>The rest of the day hadn't gone any better, the grabbing and pushing in the fight had done nothing to improve his condition and the final straw came in the afternoon. Jensen had finished filming, but was waiting for Jared to finish before going home together, so he decided to stay and watch the shooting. Jared had to shoot a short scene, in which he had to record a meeting with one of the guest stars of the chapter. Jared looked really handsome, <em>("handsome", had he really thought about that?)</em></p><p>He was wearing dark blue, almost black, suit pants. A white shirt, rolled up to the elbows, with an open collar and a loose tie. He was sitting at the edge of a desk in what was supposed to be a doctor's office, and he was taking a glass of whisky from the hand of the other actress, Jensen didn't even remember her name. The girl brushed her fingers against Jared's, and Jensen noticed his whole back tightening. It got worse when she stood between his legs, whispering in his ear, and then went on to kiss him as she undressed him. Watching Jared push her against the office windows, ended up disrupting him. Jensen came off the set pissed off and hot as hell. All the way home he didn't say a word, despite Jared's insistence because he had no idea what it was all about.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Three days later, Jared is back in Vancouver. He admits that a few days at home have been good for him, even though it is not the best situation, but seeing his parents and siblings has recharged his batteries. He hasn't spoken to Jensen during this time, just a few sporadic messages, asking him how things are going, but three days ago, the sound of the message alarm on his mobile woke him up at two o'clock in the morning. He reached for the damn device on the bedside table with his hand and, squinting, so as not to be blinded by the bright light on the screen, managed to see a <strong><em>"I miss you..."</em></strong>, which left Jared sleepless for the rest of the night, trying to figure out what it could mean, since there were no more signs of life from Jensen.</p><p>Jared thinks about all this while the cab takes him home from the airport. After entering the house and getting rid of the dogs with a few pats, he heads to the kitchen, which is where the movement he is hearing comes from. He leaves his suitcase at the door and enters the room. Jensen is cooking, he has a couple of pans on the stove and his eyes are fixed on them. Jared takes a moment to contemplate it. <em>"So perfect that he should be forbidden,"</em> he thinks, while holding a groan.</p><p>Jensen is standing there, stirring the contents of one of the pans. His short, spiky hair is a mess. He wears a fine black wool sweater that fits perfectly to his chest and shoulders, marking the lines of his muscles. He wears his sleeves up to the middle of his strong forearms. The act of stirring, from one to the other, makes his waist and hips vibrate almost imperceptibly inside worn-out, blue jeans that, not to lie, make him a perfect ass. His feet, as was always the case at home, were barefoot.</p><p>Jensen notices his presence and looks at him with a smile. He stops what he's doing for a moment and comes over to hug Jared. “Hey, man...,” he says happily. “You're early.”</p><p>Jared lets Jensen hug him, feeling his heart race as he notices his chest glued to his. He responds to the gesture, wrapping his arms around Jensen's back. As they separate, Jared thinks that Jensen may have made the gesture a little longer than normal. Or maybe that's what Jared wants to think, since Jensen is once again keeping an eye on his pans.</p><p>“I was just making some dinner.” His friend's voice brought him out of his wanderings. “Why don't you go upstairs and freshen up? I'll be a while yet.”</p><p>“Sure, great!” Jared answers, giving a big smile to Jensen, who seems to be blushing. Jared goes up to his room and takes a quick shower after unpacking. He puts on a black, long-sleeved V-neck T-shirt, which also rolls up slightly. A pair of comfortable sweatpants and a pair of sandals. He desists from drying his hair, he does not want his dinner to get cold, which, according to the smell coming up the stairs, must be delicious. When he comes down, everything's ready. There are some juicy steaks on the plates, some sautéed vegetables and a lot of chips. Jared's stomach starts to rumble.</p><p>“Man, this looks awesome,” he says with a happy smile from ear to ear. Jensen laughs as he serves the dishes.</p><p>“Come on! Stop the nonsense and sit down to eat.”</p><p>“At your service!” Jared answers dramatically, making them both laugh. Dinner is spent with Jensen asking about the trip and Jared telling him all about his father's illness and the latest news from the Padalecki family.</p><p>After dinner, they prepare some coffees and go to the living room to watch something on TV. They decide, as always, for an action one. They are both settled, each one in a corner of the sofa, with their legs extended and their feet on the table, where they each have a cup of coffee. Jared is focused on the screen, but Jensen cannot take his eyes off Jared.</p><p>The light from the TV screen illuminates his face, his eyes glow with the reflection of the images, his lips are curved into a smile. He's breathing deeply, calmly. Each breath brings up the muscles in his chest, which in that position look strong and powerful. His broad shoulders are relaxed and those huge hands, which catch Jensen's eye so much, remain entwined over his stomach.</p><p>“I can hear you thinking from here.” Jared's voice startles him, making him move in place. “What's the matter with you?” he asks, while still looking at the screen.</p><p>Jensen changes position to face Jared, sitting sideways, slightly more upright, with one leg bent in the seat and the arm extended over the seat back. His eyes are still fixed on Jared as he says, “I think I could do it.”</p><p>An alarm goes up in Jared's mind that makes him immediately forget about the film, so he turns to pay attention to his friend. Jensen has a firm gesture, his green eyes seem obscured by some kind of feeling that Jared still doesn't dare to qualify.</p><p>“Do what?” Jared asks, not realizing he's holding his breath.</p><p>Jensen looks down for a moment at the sofa upholstery, closes his eyes, and breathes out through his nose with force. He lifts his head again and looks directly into Jared's eyes.</p><p>“This...,” he says, gesturing with his hand that points to both of them. “I could try it with you...”</p><p>Jared takes a deep breath because he feels he's getting dizzy. Jensen's eyes are still fixed on him, causing his whole body to shake. He stands perfectly still as he feels Jensen's hand on the back of his neck, thumbing his cheek and the crest of his jaw. Jared turns his face automatically, looking for more contact from that touch. Jensen is aware of the warmth of Jared's skin in his hand and feels a chill run through his body from top to bottom. He pulls his hand making Jared's face close to his, looking alternately from Jared's eyes to his lips, which remain half open and expectant. Their noses almost touch, he can feel Jared's breath in his mouth. He raises his other hand, holding Jared's face, runs his thumb across his lips, caressing them slowly, wanting to memorize their touch on his skin.</p><p>“Can I?” he asks, looking directly into Jared's eyes.</p><p>Jared swallows dry, nodding his head. Jensen gestures back, then leans in just enough to rest his lips on Jared's. It's a gentle, tentative kiss. Jared brings one of his hands to Jensen's shoulder, stroking it to the back of his head, holding it as well to avoid separating even an inch. Jensen's lips come back a little more boldly, Jared kisses him back in equal measure. Jensen's tongue runs around his edges, Jared opens his mouth to let him in. Jensen grunts in surprise, and lowering his hand behind Jared's back, he squeezes it, bringing him closer to his body as his tongue penetrates Jared's mouth, running and licking every corner in its way.</p><p>Jared is not far behind, and he immediately entangles his tongue with Jensen's, tasting the strong taste of the coffee that still remains in it. They kiss eagerly, though unhurriedly, exploring each other's mouths, learning from each other. When they finally separate, the two breathe heavily. Jensen rests his forehead on Jared's, his eyes are closed and his jaw is clenched. With his hands on Jared's neck, he strokes his jaw with his thumbs. Jensen sighs heavily.</p><p>“There's no turning back now...,” he says in a trembling voice.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 11</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>The alarm on Jensen's cell phone rings loudly. 4:30 in the morning. Those damn shooting schedules are gonna kill him. He rubs his face with both hands and then runs them through his hair, tangling his fingers in it. He stares at the ceiling. He'd done it, he'd kissed Jared and he certainly liked it, he liked it a lot. Remembering it now, the touch of his lips, the taste of his mouth, makes an enormous warmth invade his body.</p><p>They had been like that for a while, recognizing and exploring each other. They hadn't gone any further, of course Jensen is keen and curious, but he also knows that it's better to take things slowly. He doesn't want to rush in and regret it later. He feels a lot of things, but it's a very important decision, he wants to be sure. He explained this to Jared and his friend had accepted it, which reassured him. He takes a breath and gets out of bed, he has to hurry or he'll be late.</p><p>In 20 minutes, Jensen is walking out the door. The company car is already waiting for him, he pushes himself into the seat of the SUV as he greets Cliff and the driver with a grunt that pretends to be a good morning, but hey, he's sleepy and hasn't had any coffee, Jensen doesn't give it a second thought. He looks at the empty seat next to him and feels nostalgic, he would have liked to see Jared before he left, but Jared doesn't have to shoot until after lunch.</p><p>Jared wakes up unhurriedly, having the luxury of lazing around in bed. He had a hard time falling asleep because of the excitement of everything that had happened. He still can't believe it. After all that time of heartache and trouble, it finally seemed like there would be something positive about it all. It sure does. Jared is sure that he won't be able to get that stupid smile off his face for a long time even though they haven't gone any further than kissing. He's a little disappointed that Jensen had decided it was too early to share a room. Jensen asked him to take it slow and Jared accepted, but he would have liked to feel him by his side even if it was just sleeping.</p><p>Anyway, time to time. Jared takes a shower and goes down to the kitchen to eat breakfast. When he reaches for his cup in the closet, his stupid smile widens even more if that was possible. He finds the cup with a possit attached to it that says "I like your lips. J.”. He can't suppress a nervous laugh. He finishes his breakfast and calls the dogs for a walk, it's a great day and he enjoys them for a couple of hours. Poor boys don't get out much these days. On the walk he decides that he won't wait for four o'clock to go to the set, he will solve a couple of issues that he has pending and will try to arrive to eat with Jensen, the truth is that he can't wait to see him.</p><p>Jared arrives to the set just for the lunch break, he has had to run a lot, because with that late decision, he was already running out of time. Smiling, he goes to the tent that serves as the dining room, locates the table where everyone was sitting and goes to it.</p><p>“Hey, man!” says, Misha. “What are you doing here so soon? Have you got withdrawal?” Everyone at the table laughed, Jared included.</p><p>“Yeah, five days without seeing you kills me, honey,” Jared answers as he blinks effusively. The chorus of laughter continues as Jared looks for Jensen without finding him anywhere.</p><p>“How's your father?” someone asks. Jared doesn't know who it was because he's not paying attention to them anymore. He's got, like, a bad feeling that makes him shiver all over his spine.</p><p>“Good... good...,” he answers distractedly. “Where's Jensen?”</p><p>“Oh! He went to his trailer, said he wouldn't come to lunch,” Christopher says. “He was a bit overwhelmed. Today we shot the scene where he tortures me. Fuck! It's a super intense scene and Jensen has done great, man, you have to see it,” continues the actor with some admiration. “But you know what Jensen's like, he gets right into Dean's skin. He was a little bit affected.”</p><p>“Okay, thanks. See you guys later,” says Jared as he's halfway to Jensen's trailer.</p><p>He's gonna be an asshole, he didn't remember. It's true that Jensen gets into character a lot and this scene worried him since they got the copy of the script. They always try to rely on these works that wear them out so emotionally, but now, among so many events, Jared hadn't even remembered the damn scene.</p><p>Jared arrives at the door of Jensen's trailer in a few minutes. He tries to get in, but it's locked. “Jensen! Open up! It's me...”</p><p>Jared hears footsteps inside and the door lock unlocks instantly. When Jared pushes the door in, Jensen is no longer there. Jared heads inside and finds Jensen walking up and down the room. He's still dressed in Dean's clothes, a blue shirt open on a black T-shirt, torn jeans and boots. His whole body is tense, his face is twitchy, and he's looking a little lost. For all intents and purposes, the person in front of Jared is Dean, Jensen hasn't managed to break out of character. He tries to hold him by one arm, but Jensen dodges him to keep walking.</p><p>“Hey, man... What's up?” Jared asks gently. Jensen looks at him nervously, his eyes wet with tears, his whole body shaking.</p><p>2I can't stop it...” Jensen answers, anguished.</p><p>“Come on, come on... Sit down!” says Jared as he pushes him over to the sofa after he's managed to grab it. Jared sits down at the table in front of the couch and grabs Jensen's shaking hands between his own.</p><p>“What can't you stop?” Jared tries to look calm, though he's a little freaked out by Jensen's condition. “Come on, Jen. Breathe. Please, you're scaring me.” Tears were already streaming down Jensen's cheeks as he looked at him pleadingly, a deep sadness emanating from his expressive green eyes.</p><p>“Rage..., anger, fear...” Jensen's voice trembles. “Dean... It's been too much, Jay... I can't stop it.”</p><p>Jared curses himself silently for not being here with Jensen. He holds his face in his hands while he collects the tears that escape his eyes with his thumb. “Look at me, Jensen. Look at me, please.”</p><p>Jensen seems to focus on Jared's words, fixing his gaze on those shifting gray eyes that look at him in concern. Jensen feels that he can be swept away by them, lost in the depths of all those feelings they convey. His breathing gets heavier. “Jen...?” He hears Jared say. But Jensen doesn't want to listen to him anymore. He just wants...</p><p>Jensen throws himself forward, catching Jared's face in his hands. His lips catching Jared's thin lips as he recoils in surprise. For a second, Jared studies Jensen's eyes, the green that glows wildly, hungry for desire and rage. Jensen presses again and Jared doesn't hesitate to answer him. Both mouths devour each other anxiously. Jensen's tongue penetrates his mouth, sliding into every corner within reach, his pushing against the invader in a battle of teeth and spit.</p><p>Jensen backs away, taking Jared with him until he has him sitting astride his legs. Jared puts his hand behind Jensen's head, tangling it in his short hair, pulling it back to force Jensen to open his mouth wider. Jensen grunts and that sound goes straight to Jared's cock pulsing excitedly under his clothes. Jared now commands the kiss, his tongue running across Jensen's lips treasuring every inch of it. He catches the thick lower lip pulling it, sucking and licking it and then kissing it again. He deposits small kisses down Jensen's jaw to his ear where he catches the lobe between his teeth and pulls it out.</p><p>Jensen breathes heavily, feels his body trembling with desire. Jared's driving him crazy, he needs more. He caresses and squeezes Jared's broad shoulders, caressing with his hands that back now arched over him. He pulls on the shirt so he can slip his hands under it. Jared's skin feels warm under his fingertips. Jared moans as he feels it and Jensen thinks he's going crazy when he hears it. Jensen pulls the shirt up further, Jared understands the purpose and pulls away to make the job easier, although he does so with a little protest. After being freed from the shirt, Jared leans over Jensen again, but a hand on his chest stops him.</p><p>“Let me see you...” Jensen asks in a hoarse voice.</p><p>Jared leans back, placing his hands on Jensen's knees and keeping his eyes on him. He's a little embarrassed to expose himself like that, but it' s also fucking hot. Jensen looks at him with a mixture of desire and adoration, concentrated in Jared's grey eyes, now dilated with excitement, on his rosy cheeks, in his half-open mouth. He raises his hand to Jared's face, stroking his cheek, running his thumb between his lips. He goes down his neck, caressing the depression between his neck and collarbone, going down those strong pectorals where two already hardened nipples stand out.</p><p>He runs his fingers through one of them, caressing it first and then pinching it. Jared moans and his body jumps forward, causing his erections to rub together, now causing a mutual moan. Jensen places his other hand on Jared's hip, holding him in place. He continues to lower his other hand from Jared's chest to his stomach.</p><p>“God... Fuck! Look at you, Jay... you're so perfect.”</p><p>Jensen leans over until his lips touch Jared's stomach, climbs up and kisses and licks his way to his chest, Jared holds one hand to his head, holding his hair and hitting him more as he arches his back giving him more access. Jensen's tongue continues to wander until it finds his nipple, licking it for a while and then trapping it between his teeth. Jared hisses in pain, Jensen licks it again, soothing his itch. His mouth continues to rise while his hands take care of Jared's belt. Jensen bites his neck, feeling his pulse as he manages to slip through the waistband of his pants to grab Jared's tight ass with his hands.</p><p>“Fuck, Jen!” Jared feels like he's going to pass out. He pulls on Jensen's hair so he can kiss him. A hard, deep kiss, traps his lover's tongue between his lips and sucks it obscenely. Jensen's moans die in his mouth. When they separate, mostly to be able to breathe, Jared claims his turn to undress Jensen.</p><p>“We're not on equal footing,” he says in a mocking tone. Jensen takes his hands off Jared's ass and lets himself be done. Jared quickly removes the shirt and T-shirt. He is deeply moved to see Jensen like this, under his body. Oh, my... It was Jensen... He wanted that so badly. He stands there until his partner's eyes look at him in question. Jared shows him a smile full of desire and then throws himself back on his lips. Jensen's dick jumps into his pants, Jensen squeezes it in his hand for some relief.</p><p>“Let me do it,” Jared asks, pulling away his hand. Jensen pulls it back, following Jared's movements closely, excited.</p><p>Jared undoes the belt buckle and releases the buttons. Jensen's hard, swollen cock presses under the thin fabric of the briefs. His hand moves slowly through it. Jensen gasps deeply as he raises his hips for more contact. Jensen looks at him with dark eyes full of desire. Jared brings his thumbs to the waistband of the briefs and pulls them down, taking the pants with him, leaving more space. Jensen's cock now rests on his stomach, hard and warm, his head moistened by precom.</p><p>Jared takes it in his hand, spreading that moisture with his thumb, lubricating it. Jensen doesn't take his eyes off him, Jared feels Jensen's fingers closing tightly around his thighs. He starts pumping slowly, watching his friend's expression. Confident by his gesture of pleasure, Jared increases the pace as he kisses him again.</p><p>“Oh, God! Jay... so good...”</p><p>Jensen talks over his mouth and every word he says is a shock to his aching complaining cock, still pressed against his clothes.</p><p>Jared begins to move by rubbing on Jensen's legs, seeking relief as he continues to jerk off his lover. Jensen notices Jared's little problem and sets out to help him. Jared moans with relief as he feels his dick released, Jensen strokes it up and down with just the right pressure, making a few twists of the wrist that will melt Jared's brain. He's going crazy. Jared spits in his hand, pulls Jensen's hand away and takes both cocks in his hand, holding them firmly as he begins to move his hips against his hand and Jensen's dick.</p><p>“Oh God, Jay! Oh, my... keep going! God, so good...” Jensen's hands are on Jared's ass, squeezing it and pulling it even closer if that's possible. He was raising his hips to meet Jared's onslaught. His dick is harder than ever and he feels the tension building up in his stomach, indicating that the end is near. He reaches out for Jared's lips, kissing them with impetus, and brings a hand to the back of Jared's neck, biting and sucking on his mouth, letting his friend know that he can't take it anymore. Jared understands him, follows his onslaughts with long, steady tugs of his hand.</p><p>Jensen explodes moaning his name, his cum splatters both their stomachs and Jared's hand, which can't take more than another couple of lunges before it follows Jensen. The orgasm hits him hard and fast, causing him to fall on Jensen's chest. Their cocks throb between their bodies with the last few strokes of orgasm as they try to get back into the rhythm of his breathing. Jensen languidly strokes his lover's back.</p><p>They remain still until their heartbeat becomes normal again. Jensen strokes Jared's hair, pulling away the now-sweaty bangs that cover his friend's forehead, leaning over his shoulder. Jared looks at him sleepily from the effort, Jensen brings his lips to his forehead and deposits a tender kiss.</p><p>“Thanks,” whispers. Jensen closes his eyes again, trying to calm everything he feels in his chest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 12</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Jared lazily lifts his arm until he gets his wristwatch in sight. He protests with a whiny moan.</p><p>“Ugh, I think I'm gonna have to move. I'm due on set in 20 minutes.”</p><p>He closes his eyes as he rejoices in the sensation of feeling again those strong hands caressing his back. He stands up a little, pulling himself away from Jensen's chest and placing a tender kiss on his lips. Jensen's expression is relaxed and satisfied and he smiles at him in a way that warms Jared's chest.</p><p>Jared looks down at the mess his breasts and stomach have become. “I think you're going to have to lend me the shower,” he says with a grimace of disbelief.</p><p>Jensen raises an eyebrow as he follows Jared's gaze, checking out for himself the state they're in. A deep laugh comes from his chest, draws his now lover to him and kisses him again, deep and slowly.</p><p>“Come on, go...” he says, patting his legs to get Jared moving. “Besides... you're crushing me! Man, you're huge!”</p><p>Jared laughs heartily as he gets up to let Jensen stand free. He's a little wobbly feeling his legs fail him after all this time in that position. Jensen holds his hand with his own to stabilize him. They both smile complicitly until Jared starts walking to the bathroom, taking Jensen's hand with him as far as distance allows, feeling his absence as Jensen's fingers slip through his.</p><p>Jensen sits on the couch, eyes closed. He can' t believe how incredibly good that was. He doesn't remember ever feeling this way about anyone, even though they've done nothing but touch each other. Just thinking about Jared and his whole body reacts on its own. He takes a deep breath and tries to relax. He hears the shower water running and an image comes to his mind. He gets up and heads to the bathroom.</p><p>Jensen leans against the sink and watches Jared as he showers. The water falls on him wetting his hair, making it look longer. Jensen can see his broad, muscular back, his pectorals now bulging from the movement of his soapy arms, that firm, hard belly with defined abs and dorsals that descended to a narrow waist. His buttocks firm and elevated followed by long, strong thighs. Jensen can't suppress a groan that reaches Jared's ears.</p><p>“Why don't you come over here?” Jared asks.</p><p>Jensen laughs. “We can't fit in there, Jay. Besides, I don't want them to come looking for you and have to explain this.”</p><p>Jared's laughing, too. He finishes his shower and turns off the water coming out of the shower. The image of Jensen leaves him standing on the spot. Jensen is leaning against the sink cabinet, with his hands clinging to the edges, his hair is dishevelled and blunt, wet with sweat. His green eyes shine brightly, amusing, making those little wrinkles show. Jensen smiles mischievously, with the corner of his lip raised, showing a row of bright white teeth. His torso remains naked, moist and shiny from sweat and bathroom humidity. His chest and arms are strong and his stomach is firm, though not as defined as Jared's. His pants remain open, attached to his waist he doesn't know how, the depression of his hip bone is lost below the slip, now visible, slightly bulging again by Jensen's half erection who remains cross-legged.</p><p>Jared swallows hard while covering his waist with the towel. He slowly approaches Jensen, until he's stuck to him. He wraps his arms around his shoulders while Jensen places his hands on his waist. Jared licks Jensen's lips who opens his mouth tantalizingly.</p><p>“You know that sexy fucking image you're offering me is driving me crazy? You want to drive me crazy, Jensen?”</p><p>Jared slips his tongue into Jensen's mouth slowly licking, stroking, tasting. He drops little kisses on the corner of his mouth, on his chin, on his nose. He strokes his dorsalis from top to bottom as he breathes a sigh of frustration at not being able to continue. “The shower is yours... I have to go.” With a little kiss and a smile, he leaves the room before the fears of someone coming to get him became a reality.</p><p>The days go by and Jensen feels more and more secure with all this new normality, more relaxed, although he still finds it hard to let himself be carried away beyond the moments of excitement provoked by sex. They still haven't gone beyond touching each other, they're both still unsure about that, well, honestly it was Jensen who wasn't sure at all. He's afraid to let Jared down. There's a week of shooting left before Thanksgiving break, and they' re each going home to their families. Jensen's hasn't seen him in a long time, and Jared is looking forward to seeing his father to confirm for himself that everything is still okay after his illness. He's uncomfortable with the idea of being apart from Jared, even if it's only for a week.</p><p>“We can go together...” Jared says, just like that, while they're eating.</p><p>“What?” Jensen looks up from his plate. He doesn't know what Jared's talking about.</p><p>“Holidays... We can go together. Let's go three days to your house with your family and three days with mine. On the day that's left over for the trip, Dallas isn't so far from San Antonio. We're just taking it on as a trip.”</p><p>Jared's smiling at the idea. It's something he's been thinking about for a few days, and he thinks it's the best decision. He doesn't want to part with Jensen. Not now. Notice Jensen's surprised expression that quickly changes to one of doubt. That doesn't look good for Jared.</p><p>“What's going on, Jen?” asks suspiciously.</p><p>Jensen averts his eyes from Jared's as he bites his lower lip in a nervous, worried gesture.</p><p>“I don't think that's a good idea, Jay.”</p><p>“Why not?” Jared tense up, straightening up in the chair, guessing annoyingly where Jensen's thoughts are going.</p><p>“I don't know, man...” Jensen's getting nervous. “What are we gonna tell them? It's weird...”</p><p>“We don't have to tell them anything.” Although actually, Jared does want to tell his parents. “I've been to your parents' house before and you've been to mine. Why should it be any different?” Jared's tone is getting more serious.</p><p>“Because it' s different! Fuck, Jay! Don't you see? We're not gonna be comfortable, I'm not gonna be comfortable.”</p><p>“Are you ashamed of us?” Jared's already angry. Angry and hurt.</p><p>“Huh? No, no, Jay, please. I mean, you know what my dad's like. I'm still not sure...”</p><p>Jared gets up abruptly from the table. Jensen realizes right away what he just said. He tries to stop Jared grabbing his arm, but he dodges his move.</p><p>“Forget it, I get it,” he says in a dry voice as he leaves the kitchen. Jensen wants to bang his head against the table for being such an idiot.</p><p>“Jay, please. Listen to me,” try again. But it's a futile effort because Jared's already gone.</p><p>That's how the three days until the holidays went by. No talking to each other, since Jared had avoided him as much as possible. He had even gone to San Antonio without telling Jensen. When Jensen arrived from work on Friday, Jared was already gone.</p><p>Jensen settles down, dejected, on the plane back to Dallas. He has to figure out how to deal with this situation. Those days without Jared around have been torture, and he doesn't think he can take it much longer.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jared knows he's acting like a child, but he can't and won't help it. He's upset with Jensen's attitude. What's he so worried about? Hell, Jared's not saying to shout it out loud, but his family... Besides, Jared wanted to spend the free time they had together. When they get back from vacation, they'll have to dive back into that hellish pace that half the days leave them so exhausted that they can only kiss good night before they fall into bed. Can't Jensen understand that?</p><p>He feels regret for having left without saying goodbye, but his pride has prevailed when the idea of calling Jensen has crossed his mind. Besides, Jensen hadn't done that either. <em>"Jared, this is childish and stupid,"</em> he says to himself. He frowned at his own line of thought as he leaned against the window of the plane that was taking him to San Antonio. <em>"Yes, I'm childish. But as I said, he hasn't called either."</em></p><p>Jared's anger fades as he walks down the road to his parents' house. He is looking forward to seeing them, they are all going to meet and it is always nice to feel supported by the family. He parks his car at the driveway, noting that his brother's car is already there as well. Jeff is a surgeon in Houston. He had completed a successful and meritorious career that had propelled him to the head of the cardiovascular surgery department in record time, considering his young age.</p><p>Jeff is married to Claire, a beautiful girl with blonde hair and a happy smile, whom he had met in college and who now also holds a position in internal medicine at the same hospital where his brother works; they have been parents for six months of a beautiful baby girl that Jared only knows from pictures. He smiles at the thought of finally meeting his little niece and then curses inwardly because he has not remembered to buy her anything. He makes a mental note that he'll have to go to some mall.</p><p>He has not had time to get to the door when it opens suddenly, showing his mother's figure and smiling face. “J.T. Honey, I'm so glad you're finally home.” Jared smiles from ear to ear and throws himself into his mother's arms, wrapping her tightly and lifting her a few inches off the floor. “Hi, Mom!” His mother laughs happily as she pats her son's arms down. Jared lays her down carefully and lets her do her typical motherly examination. -You're thinner... -she says with disgust.</p><p>“Mom... You always say that.” Jared's lucky and his mother's sermon is interrupted by his sister's screams as she walks down the stairs.</p><p>“Jay! Finally!” Megan jumps into his arms, hanging on by his neck with force.</p><p>“Little sister! When are you gonna stop growing up? I barely recognize you,” Jared says with a laugh. His sister hits his arm with a pout.</p><p>“Shut up, you idiot! I'm the same way.”</p><p>“Ouch!” moans Jared holding his arm and exaggerating the gesture of pain making his sister laugh. His mother looks at them funny. It's good to have your family back together.</p><p>“Stop fooling around and go into the living room, they're all there. I'm going to finish the meal.”</p><p>The two of them leave their mother on their way from the kitchen and head for the large room that serves as their living room. Their father is sitting in his favourite armchair, with his glasses on, reading the newspaper. The man looks up and a wide smile appears on his face. “Son...” Jared quickly approaches, to keep his father from standing up, holding him in a tight embrace. As he separates from him, his brother is waiting his turn to greet him with a strong handshake and a tap on the shoulder.</p><p>“How are you, little brother?”</p><p>Jared answers his brother and passes to greet his sister-in-law who is also smiling at him with the baby in her arms. Jared holds his niece in his arms, looking at her in awe, the baby has his brother's eyes and his mother's blond hair. She smiles at her uncle as she holds her little hands together trying to pick up a rattle that Jared holds in front of her.</p><p>“She's beautiful, guys!” he says with a smile. He feels so happy that during that time he doesn't remember Jensen.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Jensen's had a bad trip, he's tired because he hasn't been able to sleep for a minute, thinking about Jared. He's upset about Jared's attitude, Jensen was clear, he didn't want to rush into anything. He's still not able to put a name to what they have, of course he loves Jared, much, much more than he ever would have imagined, but it has nothing to do with that. Jared doesn't seem to want to understand the consequences of announcing something like this lightly, even if it's only to their families. Besides, Jared doesn't seem to take into account what Jensen's family is like either. For God's sake! Jensen is from a Texan family, a practicing Catholic. His father is a reasonable but strict man, and Jensen knows for sure that all of this could cost him his relationship with his father if he doesn't tread lightly.</p><p>Before he tells anyone anything, he has to be sure he can handle all the arguments in order to convince them, or at least minimize the damage. He doesn't want to find himself in the position of having to choose between Jared and his family. This is all very worrying to Jensen, and Jared doesn't seem to realize it. Not everything is so easy, it's not just about love, love can't handle everything and bad decisions can influence each other in the future, and Jensen doesn't want that. Jensen wants a future with Jared, a long and happy one, and although it may seem stupid in Jared's eyes, Jensen thinks he can do things right. Someone has to be responsible in this relationship.</p><p>With all these thoughts on his mind and a nasty headache he arrives at the Ackles' ranch. Jensen gets out of the car and sucks in his breath, a big smile curving his lips. He turns in on himself, taking a look around the ranch. The neighing of the horses from the stables on his left comforts him. He has missed those animals, he loves to ride, he had practically learned to ride before walking and he does not know how many hours he has spent in his life on the groups of those beasts.</p><p>Beyond the stables, the ranch extends along meadows and seeding areas. To his right are some fences where the animals are released and trained. The sun is shining brightly so he decides to enter the house. He stands stealthily at the kitchen door where his mother is moving around between the oven and the stove. It smells delicious and Jensen's stomach turns over in anticipation. He leans carelessly over the frame of the kitchen door, staring at the small, thin figure of his mother concentrating on her tasks.</p><p>“I think it's going to be delicious!” he says with a smile. His mother bounces to the site of the surprise, turning immediately to find her beloved son at the door.</p><p>“Jensen Ross Ackles!” she says in a threatening tone, approaching him, holding a rag in her hands. “You're not ashamed to scare your mother like that!” She continues to beat her son with the rag, and now he's laughing out loud as her angry gesture turns into a smile. His mother circles his waist tightly and Jensen kisses her in the hair.</p><p>“Hello, Mum!”</p><p>His mother offers him something to drink and urges him to sit with her in the kitchen while she continues to prepare dinner. “Where is everybody?” he asks intrigued. His mother tells him that Mac is at a friend's house and won't be home until dinnertime, just like his father who is checking some fences with the ranch foreman. Josh still has to work a couple more days. He just joined a well-known law firm, and now he's overloaded with work. Jensen looks thoughtful as he watches his mother.</p><p>“Is something wrong with you, son? You look worried.”</p><p>“Huh? No. No, mom, it's just the fatigue of the trip. I think I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower and freshen up. Do you need me to help you with anything?”</p><p>His mother smiles at him sympathetically. “Come on, go. Everything's under control here.” She approaches her son with a tender kiss on his forehead while stroking his cheek with her fingers. Jensen rests his face on his mother's hand, prolonging that comforting caress, smiles happily and says goodbye to go to his room.</p><p>Jensen smiles as he enters his room. Incredibly, everything remains the same, it might seem that he has returned to his seventeenth birthday. The walls are covered with posters of his favorite bands of the moment, baseball and horseback riding trophies. Pictures of him with his brothers, riding with his father, of him and Chris at school. Chris... He's the one to talk to. He needs his friend and hopes to find him this time. With a little luck, Chris will also have come to Dallas to see his parents, or so Jensen hopes, nothing would be better for him for clearing his head that a few beers with his friend.</p><p>He sits on the bed looking out the window, the image of Jared comes to his mind. He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and looks at it spinning in his hand. After a while he opens it and searches for the message app.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“Hi. Are you home already? I just got to the ranch. It's been a long trip. Are you still mad? I miss you. J.”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>Re-read the message a couple of times until he finally presses the send key. He waits a few minutes for an answer, but in the end, he gives up. Maybe Jared hasn't seen it yet. He takes the stuff out of his suitcase and goes to the shower.</p><p>When he comes back, he checks his phone again, there's nothing. Jared still doesn't show any signs of life, which bothers him more than Jensen would like to admit. He opens the address book and runs his finger over Jared's contact, finally, he pushes upwards looking for the C to call Chris. His friend's phone gives three tones before he hears his voice.</p><p>“What's the matter, Jenny-boy? What's wrong with you at this hour?” says his friend in a drowsy voice.</p><p>“Dude! It's six o'clock!”</p><p>“I said it... What the hell do you want?” Chris grunts. Jensen laughs as he shakes his head in denial.</p><p>“Are you coming to Dallas? I need to talk to you, I have things to tell you. News.”</p><p>“Tomorrow. 8:00. The Rustic.”</p><p>And the next thing Jensen hears is the intermittent sound of the signal that Chris has hung up. He smiles, thinking about what kind of character his friend is and what he misses him, sometimes. He dresses and comes down again, hoping to see the rest of his family. His father has just arrived and surprises him with a big hug that he reciprocates. “All right, son?” Jensen nods, smiling nervously as he thinks about whether he has some kind of sign written on his forehead or something.</p><p>Dinner is quiet, talking about the things at the ranch and the details of the show.</p><p>“And you still haven't found a girlfriend? I can't wait for one of you to make me a grandmother. Not you, Mac,” says his mother, remarking the last sentence with a warning look at his sister. Jensen almost dropped his silverware.</p><p>“No, nothing yet, Mom,” he says with a nervous smile. “I don't have time for anything.”</p><p>His mother nods in disgust while his sister looks at him questioningly with an arching eyebrow. That damned kid, Jensen already knows he's going to have problems, his sister knows him too well.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>The sound of the cell phone in his jacket gets Jared's attention. He doesn't need to look at who he is since the ringtone is an assigned ringtone. Jensen texted him. He thinks about getting up and answering, but his proud, childlike side prevents him from doing so. Jensen can wait a little longer. He decides to enjoy dinner and his family, which goes on well into the night. Once in bed, he looks at the message. He knows that not answering would be too much, but he's not going to make it easy for Jensen either.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>"I got here okay. We had a lot of fuss at home.I didn't see your message and no, I'm not mad. Let's talk."</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>By the time Jared sends the message, Jensen's been asleep for a while.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>The knocking on the door wakes Jensen up, who shuffles uncomfortably in that narrow bed in his parents' bedroom. He covers his eyes with his hand to avoid those damned rays of light that threaten to blind him, while his sister bursts in like a whirlwind.</p><p>“Come on, little brother! Don't you think you've slept enough?” she asks as she sits on the edge of his bed and extends her hands like hooks over Jensen's ribs, making him bounce on the bed from the tickles. Jensen grabs her quickly and throws her under him, returning the torture.</p><p>“Come here, you little brat! You think you can take me?”</p><p>They both fight and laugh happily until Mac raises his hands in surrender.</p><p>“Okay, okay. You win,” she says, laughing endlessly and trying to catch her breath.</p><p>The two of them sit on the bed with their backs to the headboard and look at nothing as they finish controlling their laughter. Mac pushes with his shoulder his brother's.</p><p>“Will you tell me about it?”</p><p>Jensen looks at her in surprise, even though he knows exactly where the shots are going.</p><p>“What do I have to tell you?”</p><p>“Don't play dumb little brother. I know you. Yesterday you almost peed your pants when mom asked you if you had a girlfriend,” she says with a mocking smile. Jensen slaps his sister's thigh, which makes her wipe her smile off and look at him in a murderous way.</p><p>“I didn't pee my pants,” he answers indignantly.</p><p>“But you lied.” God, his sister won't stop.</p><p>“Okay, I like someone,” he says rolling his eyes.</p><p>His sister jumps into bed excited, clapping her hands.</p><p>“And what's she like? Have you been dating her yet? Is she pretty? She has to be pretty, because you're very pretty...”</p><p>His sister can't seem to stop. Jensen's getting overwhelmed with so many questions.</p><p>“Stop it, Mac! It's complicated, okay?” Jensen's face is getting serious and worried. He brings his hands to his face and rubs it with a tired gesture. “Stop it, okay? I don't want to talk about it now.”</p><p>Mac looks at him intently with a worried expression. Her brother's face is tense, he looks uncomfortable and his eyes have become sad. He seems to be struggling inside and that makes Mac's heart shrink. She holds Jensen's hand in hers and looks him in the eye tenderly.</p><p>“What's wrong, Jen? You can tell me, you know I won't tell anyone.”</p><p>Mac strokes his brother's hand as he waits patiently for him to tell her what seems to be tormenting him so much. Jensen places his other hand over his sister's and squeezes it gratefully. His eyes cast a fleeting, shy glance at Mac to quickly notice those four hands holding each other again. He breathes a long sigh gathering his courage. He knows that his sister will not say anything and he needs to trust someone, he can't stand that secret any longer.</p><p>“It's a boy,” he says in an imperceptible murmur.</p><p>“Wh-What do you mean?” His sister is stiff.</p><p>“I like a boy...,” he repeats, looking at his sister, who continues to watch him in amazement. “Shit! I knew I shouldn't have said anything... This is driving me crazy! Forget it, please,” he asks, while he raises his knees and hides his head between them, covering it with his arms.</p><p>It takes a while for her sister to realize that she no longer has Jensen's hands in hers and a couple of seconds more to notice her brother's distressed posture and what he just asked her. She grabs Jensen by the wrists and forces him to pull his arms away, passes a hand under his chin and forces him to look at her.</p><p>“Everything's going to be okay, all right?” she says firmly to her brother. “I'm going to support you in whatever you need. And also when you want to tell dad.”</p><p>Jensen looks at her with tears in his eyes, Mac nods excitedly and then circles his brother's neck tightly. Jensen holds her firmly, gratefully, against his chest. His sister waits until she notices him more calmly to move away, looking him in the eye again to make sure he's okay. Jensen nods to his sister's mute question.</p><p>“All right! You better move your cute little ass fast little brother, mommy finished making breakfast a while ago, you don't want her to come and get you.”</p><p>Jensen laughs as he throws the pillow at his sister who is dodging it with the door. “I'll be down in five minutes.”</p><p>Mac sticks out her tongue and runs out of the room, closing the door</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 13</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>It's a beautiful day, and after convincing his mother that he can't eat any more and helping her clear the breakfast table, Jensen sets off for the stables. The sun is shining brightly, but its effects are tempered by a pleasant breeze. He enters the building, heading straight for the fourth stable box, while emitting a peculiar whistle.</p><p>Through the open top of the double door, the head of a beautiful bay horse with long black manes and a white star that begins on its forehead and extends to the middle of its muzzle. The animal whinnies excitedly as it nods up and down. Jensen's face and eyes light up with happiness as he approaches the animal.</p><p>“Hey, Chest, old friend... Did you miss me?”</p><p>The stallion lowers his head looking for the contact of its owner's hand. Jensen scratches its forehead and jaw while whispering to it, reassuring it, as he opens the door and places its bridle to take it outside and prepare it. Once in the yard, Jensen spends some time brushing it, enjoying the peace of mind that comes from doing those routines that bring him back to his childhood.</p><p>He proudly observes the beauty of the animal, it is a big and strong stallion, with a proud character, his father gave it to him being still a colt when Jensen turned fifteen and nobody else has ever ridden it. Both understand each other perfectly and Jensen can ride it even without reins or saddle, only with the pressure of his legs and the inclination of his body. His father was always proud of that. He finishes saddling it up and rides it, the animal shakes nervously when he feels the weight since it has been a long time since anyone has ridden it. Jensen holds the reins firmly while he pats its neck, reassuring it.</p><p>“Calm down, boy... Are you ready?” Spurs on the animal's flanks and out he goes at a trot.</p><p>He lets himself go without a fixed direction, enjoying the scenery and the feeling of freedom that riding always gives him. Chest is also enjoying, the animal is excited, seeing itself free finally from the reduced space of the corrals where he was released to exercise. Jensen spurs it on a bit more by putting it into a gallop and the stallion seems to be grateful for giving free rein to his power. Jensen screams happily, he loves it all. Finally, he pulls the reins putting it in step as they arrive at a meadow bordering the river. He stops and dismounts congratulating Chest for the effort, walks for a few meters along the bank until he reaches an old and lonely oak tree where he decides to sit down.</p><p>He rests his back against the trunk and squints, protecting himself from the excess light caused by the reflection of the sun on the water and the green grass. That place is beautiful. Jensen thinks about what he would like to bring Jared here. A smile appears on his face as he imagines the two of them riding there together. They could make a camp, this place is ideal for something like that, they could bathe, lie together on the grass drying in the sun...</p><p><em>"Jay..."</em> Think as he closes his eyes. He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and that's when he notices the message.</p><p>“Oh, shit...”</p><p>The message had arrived while he was sleeping and after the conversation with his sister he hadn't even remembered to look at it. He hopes the lack of response didn't make Jared more angry. He commends himself to all the saints and dials the number. The tones sound without response, when he is sure that no one is going to answer, he hears Jared's voice.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Ehm... Hi, it's me,” he says shyly, surprised by Jared's tone. “What are you doing? You took too long to pick up.”</p><p>“Yes, well, I was busy, I wasn't expecting your call.”</p><p>Jensen's got his fingers on the bridge of his nose, massaging it. Looks like Jared's not about to make it easy on him.</p><p>“Jay please... Why are you still angry? I explained to you...” Jensen doesn't want to seem desperate, but he's not getting it. “Look, I'm... -I'm just here, I came for a walk... And it's a beautiful place, man, and I'd like to be here with you...”</p><p>Jared's snorting on the other side of the line. He misses it too, that's why he's upset, because, right now, he could be using that time with Jensen. So nice that it's that place that tells him, well, he'd better have taken Jared with him and not told him on the phone. Jared starts walking around the room, nervous and snorting like a bull. He decides to leave the house when he sees his whole family in the living room, looking at him in surprise. Once outside, he returns to the conversation.</p><p>“I'm not angry, Jen, I'm upset. I want to be with you.”</p><p>“Do you think I don't?” Jensen interrupts.</p><p>“I don't know.” Answer, lowering the tone.</p><p>“I don't think you're being fair to me.” Jensen's starting to get really angry. “First you get me into all this, make me feel all this stuff, then I jump in the pool and you can never get enough. What do you want from me, Jay? Can't you be a little reasonable? I'm trying hard...”</p><p>Jared, for the first time, thinks maybe Jensen's right, maybe he's pushed the machine too far, but he's frustrated, he doesn't know how to make Jensen understand all that he feels. That this need to say it out loud, to tell someone, even if it's just his family, what they are, corresponds to Jared's need to see it confirmed in that way, to make it all real. Because, now that he's had a taste of it, he's scared to death of losing it. Jensen doesn't seem to understand, and Jared doesn't know how to explain it.</p><p>“Jen, look. Jen, I'm sorry. I just...” Jensen won't let him finish.</p><p>“I just what, Jay? You're acting like a child. You're constantly pushing me. I asked you for time...” The reproach comes to Jared in a bitter tone.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess I do. Look, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later, okay?” respond sadly. “I love you...” though these last two words are practically an inaudible whisper. Jared hangs up, squeezing his eyes to avoid shedding the tears that are now pooling under his eyelids.</p><p>Jensen stares at the phone, still in his hand, with a mixture of astonishment and anger. He doesn't know what to think of Jared, he can't believe the emotional roller coaster this "relationship" is leading him to.</p><p>Jensen comes home after noon, has been riding until he has managed to calm down enough not to draw attention to himself at home. When he arrives, he goes straight up to his room, excusing himself from the fatigue of riding after so long. He lies in bed ready to try and get some sleep until it is time to prepare for his meeting with Chris. Of course, it all comes down to intent.</p><p>At eight o'clock he arrives at The Rustic, one of his favourite places and also his friend's. Located on Howell St., The Rustic is a large square building with very high ceilings that leave both the beams and the silvery steel of the air and heating ducts visible. It is a typical Texan kitchen with an immense beer menu, which is demonstrated by the infinite number of taps behind its bar and by the enormous American flag that occupies the centre of the main wall, made entirely from cans of the golden liquid.</p><p>In the interior, rustic wooden tables of different sizes to suit the different needs of its customers. But what he and Chris like best, and of course one of the great attractions of the place, is its large terrace. A wide extension of tables and benches made of untreated wood, illuminated by long strings of light bulbs of different colors that cross each other without following any defined pattern. On one of the sides, a small stage that offers customers the pleasure of enjoying various performances and live music, usually and as is the case tonight, country groups.</p><p>Jensen takes a look around until he sees Chris, who catches his attention by waving his hand in a smile. He reaches out to him and the two melt into a long embrace. They sit and watch each other silently while waiting to be taken note of. Chris is still the same as ever, a long wet hair that makes his hair curl, bright blue eyes and a wolfish smile that give him a wild look, which he loves to pretend in front of everyone, but Jensen knows him better than anyone else and knows that all this is just a facade.</p><p>“Don't you have a haircut yet? Do you need a loan for the barber?” Jensen asks with a sneer.</p><p>“Don't talk nonsense, Jenny,” he replies in a serious tone. “You don't want me to lose the strength to please all those girls who sigh for me at concerts, do you?”</p><p>Jensen can't help but laugh, a loud laugh coming from his chest as Chris gives him a funny look.</p><p>“You don't change, man...”</p><p>“Never...” his friend laughs.</p><p>“And now...” Chris stares at him in a questioning tone. “Tell me, Jenny-boy, what is it that you have to tell me to make you call me so much lately? Besides that face you're wearing...”</p><p>“I don't wear any faces...” protest.</p><p>Chris raises an eyebrow and keeps waiting while he takes a long drink of his beer. “Let's hear it! Don't make me torture you.”</p><p>“I don't know how to...”</p><p>“Did I tell you about that tall girl I met after that concert in Albany? Then it turns out...”</p><p>“Come on, man! Shut up!” Jensen interrupts with a look of dread.</p><p>Jensen knows that Chris is very capable of giving him every last detail of that meeting and he is very sure that he doesn't want to treasure that image in his mind. Chris looks at him smugly and insists on his question. Jensen takes a sip and stares at the band playing on stage. His friend waits patiently until he decides to start talking.</p><p>“I'm a mess, man...” Chris remains silent, his eyes fixed on Jensen's, who entertains his fingers with the label on the bottle in a nervous gesture. “I've started dating someone...” Wait and see if Chris says anything, but he remains silent. Jensen is getting nervous and feels the heat rising in his cheeks. He takes in a lot of air and breathes it out slowly by blowing up his cheeks, encouraging himself to tell Chris everything.</p><p>“He's a boy,” he says in a nutshell. At this point, he can certainly see a change of expression in Chris, although he cannot determine its meaning. “He's a boy. He's... he's... Jared. I'm dating Jared.”</p><p>Jensen sighs heavily, feeling that a weight has been lifted from his shoulders as he tells it, despite the embarrassment he's been through and not knowing how Chris might take it. He looks uncertainly at his friend who is standing there with his mouth open.</p><p>“That you're gay and haven't said anything to me in all these years, you bastard?” Chris looks at him with hurt eyes and a reproachful expression. Jensen goes white, certainly not the reaction he expected from Chris.</p><p>“I... I'm not gay. I just feel this way about Jared.” His voice is trembling, as is the rest of his body. “I... I thought you'd understand me. I always thought you had some experiences... I, uh...” Jensen's getting freaked out.</p><p>“Me? I don't know what you're talking about, man.” Chris looks at him with an offended look.</p><p>“Have... I have to go...”</p><p>Jensen doesn't know where to go, and he's starting to get up and walk away when he sees him.</p><p>“You son of a bitch!” Chris bursts out laughing as he lies sideways on the table. “I'm going to kill you, you bastard!”</p><p>Jensen sits back down on the table, feeling his legs still shaking, watching his friend still crumble at his expense. Chris straightens up, wiping away his tears and trying to control his laughter. Looking at Jensen who stands with his arms folded and killing him with his eyes. Chris extends his hands forward in a gesture of peace.</p><p>“Okay, okay...,” he says, still with a chuckle on his lips. “I couldn't resist, man. If you had seen your face...” Another laugh escapes from his chest with the familiar reproach of Jensen's gaze. “Okay, okay... Yes, I have experience... in fact, I was going to tell you that I've been with Steve for a while. We moved in together three months ago.”</p><p>Now Jensen's really surprised. “You didn't say anything to me.”</p><p>“Well, we haven't talked much lately. Look at you...” he says with a shrug. “Which leads me to continue with you. How? When? Why? I want to know everything, Jenny. What's your problem?”</p><p>Jensen tells him everything, the time Jared was so bad, the first kiss, his reaction, about Danneel, how Jared had decided to leave and how it had affected Jensen, making him react. He tells him where they stand in terms of their intimate relationships and how it was the last discussion and how lost he feels about it. Chris listens carefully to everything he says, without interrupting him.</p><p>“Do you love him?” he asks after a while of meditation.</p><p>“Yes, I think so,” Jensen answers shyly.</p><p>“Jensen, this is a serious matter. You have to be sure, because you will have to face many things.” Chris was watching him, attentively. Jensen closes his eyes for a moment, breathing out the air through his nose.</p><p>“I am. There's just a lot of things that scare me, Chris. I want to do things right and Jared doesn't seem to understand that and I don't know what to do.” Jensen shrinks back in his seat, dejected, scratching absent-mindedly at some protruding notch on the table surface. Chris looks at him sympathetically, reaching out to hold Jensen's arm.</p><p>“Hey! Jared gets it...” Jensen raises his head, with an inquisitive glow in his eye. “Jared understands, Jen, but he's just as scared as you are. Don't you realize that all that childish attitude is fear? He loves you, Jen. He was willing to give up his career. Trust me, he's just as scared as you are.”</p><p>“You think so?” Jensen's tone now seems hopeful. Chris is smiling broadly.</p><p>“Listen to me, Jenny-boy. Talk to him, but quietly, no phone, man. These things need to be talked about face to face.”</p><p>Jensen thinks about his friend's advice for a while. Little by little he seems to relax. Chris watches him, watching his expression until he sees him take a long drink and look at him again with a half-sided smile.</p><p>“So... You and Steve...?” he asks as he raises an eyebrow. Chris laughs heartily and, drinking from his bottle as well, answers.</p><p>“You see...”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 14</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Jared's been moping around all day. He barely managed to keep his attention during the dinner conversation, his mind going back and forth to Jensen, to how hurt his voice was, and Jared just keeps thinking that Jensen is really right and that it's Jared who's being stupid. He would like to talk to him, see him and be able to apologize, find a way together to get their relationship back on track. He misses him terribly and there are still four days left before he goes home.</p><p>“What's up, son? You seem distracted.” His father's voice takes him out of his thoughts and brings him back to that room where his whole family is now gathered after dinner. He looks around, a little out of place, and then apologizes.</p><p>“I'm sorry... it's just that my head hurts a little, I think I'll take something and go upstairs to sleep,” he says with a small smile as he gets off the couch he's sharing with his sister and sister-in-law.</p><p>His father nods his head as the rest of his family says good night and hopes that the rest will make him feel better. Jared appreciates the gesture as he walks out of his room. He's decided to go upstairs so early because he wants to talk to Jensen. He's not willing to let the discomfort between them, which he knows is his fault, last any longer.</p><p>******</p><p><br/>Jensen comes home much more relaxed after his talk with Chris, more relaxed and certainly quite drunk. He's lost track of how many rounds they've taken, but he's immensely grateful to Chris for that. The night was just what he needed to get rid of some of the tension, and it helped him make some decisions. He would talk to Jared, but now what he really needs is a shower to clear his head and a good night's sleep. This Kane was going to kill him. Jensen's not used to drinking at that level anymore.</p><p>Jensen rushes out of the shower when he hears the nagging ring of his cell phone. He walks around looking for his pants while barely managing to fit a towel around his waist. He curses quietly when the music stops before his hand reaches for his phone. He presses the redial button without looking at who it is and immediately hears Jared's voice on the other end of the line.</p><p>“Hey...”</p><p>“Hey...” Jensen answers after recovering from the shock of hearing Jared. “I'm sorry, I was in the shower, I didn't have time to get there.”</p><p>Jared swallows the image that had just come into his mind of Jensen fresh out of the shower. A chill runs down his spine and he has to shake his head, discarding it to focus again on Jensen's voice and what he's telling him.</p><p>“I went out to dinner with Chris, we talked. I just got here a little while ago.”</p><p>“Hey... Yeah, easy. It doesn't matter...” Jared's voice got lower. “Jen... I wanted to apologize... for earlier and all...”</p><p>Jensen sits on the bed in shock, rubbing his leg in a nervous gesture. Yeah, he's getting nervous. Jared's apologizing, and somehow that comforts him.</p><p>“No... It's okay, man. I went a little overboard myself. Look, we need to talk, okay? When we get home...” Jensen's willing to take Chris' advice. “Jay...”</p><p>“Yeah, I'm here,” he says after a sigh. “I know you're right, Jen, I've been a kid... I just don't know how to explain it, OK?” His tone was getting more and more desperate. “I wish I could, but I don't know how to. I'm sorry...”</p><p>Jensen feels his heart shrink a little bit from Jared's low tone and that makes him want to be with him, to have him close so he can embrace him and protect him, from everything and everyone. Yes, he wants to protect him from everything.</p><p>“Don't be sorry, okay? This is new for both of us... little by little.” Jensen smiles for Jared even though he knows he can't see it, but believing that knowing each other as they do, Jared would sense it.</p><p>Jared smiles.</p><p>“Yes, little by little. I miss you, Jen, so much...”</p><p>“Me too, Jay. This morning I would have so liked you to be in that place with me. You would have loved...” Jensen's voice sounds excited, evoking everything he had imagined that morning by the river.</p><p>“I'm with you now,” says Jared, in a voice much huskier than he would have liked. He's not quite sure what he's doing, but the rapid heartbeat tells him he's nervous, waiting for Jensen's answer.</p><p>Jensen blinked in confusion. What's that all about?</p><p>“Yes, you are...” says this in a whisper, noticing his voice shaking. <em>“Are they really going to do this?”</em></p><p>Jared smiles as he runs his hand over his head, flicking his hair nervously. He doesn't know if he's going to be able to follow what he's started, but he finds it enormously hot. The shower! Jensen just got out of there. The image strikes again in his mind.</p><p>“Jen...” his tone is lower and lower, charged with desire and expectation. “What are you wearing?”</p><p>Jensen laughs at the topical question, but at the same time he feels the heat invading his cheeks, he is sure he has blushed. He lies down on the bed, sinking his face into the pillow, somewhat embarrassed, as he presses the phone in his hand to his ear.</p><p>“A towel on my waist, in my haste I didn't have time to dry myself. I'm still wet.” Jensen hears a hoarse grunt from the back of Jared's throat, one that goes straight to his crotch which makes him reach over the towel, feeling and making sure it starts to get pretty hard.</p><p>“I wish I could be there... Imagine me being there with you. My tongue running through every drop of water on your body.” Everything in Jared's voice exudes sensuality and desire. Jared fights with his free hand to undo the knot in the cord that holds his pajama bottoms in place. “My hands caressing you, running through that perfect body of yours.” Achieved his goal, Jared opens his legs more to facilitate his own caresses.</p><p>“Oh, God! Jay, please...” Jensen drowns his moan on the pillow. “I want... I...”</p><p>“What do you want, Jen? Tell me...” Jared is thrilled to hear the excitement of Jensen's voice, feeling proud that he's the one provoking it.</p><p>“I want to touch you, too, Jay... please... I want to kiss you. I need... I need you.”</p><p>A triumphant smile lights up Jared's face. He doesn't know why, but he's enjoying knowing how nervous he can make Jensen.</p><p>“Are you hard, Jen? Are you touching yourself as we speak?” Another muffled groan reaches his ears.</p><p>“You're cruel, you know that?” Jensen responds in a reproachful tone, embarrassed by the situation and by what Jared is forcing him to say. God, he's never done that with anyone and he's sure that all that warmth he feels, it's not just the excitement. Listen to Jared's little laugh on the other side. He sure is enjoying it, the bastard.</p><p>“Yes, at everything,” he says in a whisper. “I'm hard... Are you?”</p><p>“Oh, baby... I'm very, very hard... I'm touching myself, imagining it's your hand that's doing it. I love it when you do it to me, slowly but firmly... You turn me on so much...”</p><p>“Yeah?” asks excited. He wants to hear it, he wants Jared to confirm how much he likes being with him.</p><p>“Yeah.” The statement is serious and brief.</p><p>“Uhh.” Jensen is unable to articulate one more word, increasing the pace of his strokes, pressing on his testicles to try and hold on a little longer. “I wish I got you, Jay.” His voice is more agitated now, Jared notices, he knows Jensen's about to finish and he is too.</p><p>“Next time, Jay... when we're together. I... I want to... Oh, fuck!” Jensen feels that he can't take it anymore, his balls retract tightly because of the approaching orgasm, his hand presses its hardness up and down, caressing its slit which makes him shudder with pleasure.</p><p>“Yeah, baby...” Jared knows exactly what Jensen is talking about. “We'll do it. I wish it too... Come on, Jen! Do it for me, I want to hear you...”</p><p>“Oh, God! Jay!...” Jensen feels the heat of his semen as it hits the skin of his belly and chest, his body trembles with excitement, as his hand continues to caress his cock, squeezing it until it can't give any more and his skin becomes too sensitive to any touch, while his lips can only repeat Jared's name.</p><p>He shudders again as he hears Jared scream his own as he reaches his own orgasm. The two of them spend some time in silence, listening to each other's restless breathing in their ears. Jensen breaks that silence with a loud laugh.</p><p>“Jesus! You're crazy Jay... This is a mess, man. I'm gonna have to take another shower.”</p><p>Jared responds with a similar laugh and suppresses a yawn, he's really exhausted.</p><p>“Didn't you like it?” asks with a false offended tone.</p><p>“Dammit, no! I loved it. I didn't know this could be so exciting.”</p><p>“Right?”</p><p>Jared sounds again like a kid who's excited about doing something his parents like. Jensen is always amazed at that quality. This time it makes him smile as he feels the warmth in his chest. Doesn't this all sound very gay? He shakes his hand to dismiss the idea. He doesn't care.</p><p>“Jay, I think we should sleep...” he says in a lazy tone.</p><p>“Oh, yeah...” Jared sounds a little disappointed, but really, he's having a little trouble keeping his eyes open, too. “Jensen... I... I love you.”</p><p>That last one he said so quietly, he doubts Jensen heard it. But yes, Jensen has heard it, and those words have caused him several things; first surprise at being the first time he hears them; then warmth, an immense warmth that runs through his body and lodges in his chest wrapping a heart that has started beating very fast; and finally, fear, fear of all that it means.</p><p>“I... I think I do too...” Jensen has not been able to, although a huge part of him wants to, he has not been able to say it. He's hoping that Jared will understand, he's praying to God that he will.</p><p>Jared's a little disappointed, He've been wanting to hear him say it, even though deep down he knows Jensen isn't ready for it yet. He'll have to be patient. Close his eyes and sigh slowly.</p><p>“It's okay,” respond with a resigned tone.</p><p>“Don't be angry, please. I'm trying...” Jensen sounds worried. “Why is everything so difficult?”</p><p>“I'm not. I get it, I do,” answers Jared, trying to look more relaxed. “Good night, Jen. Think about me, okay?”</p><p>“Always...”</p><p>That brings a smile to Jared's face, it's a good image to go to sleep. He doesn't want to hang up, he wants to be there listening, even if it's just the breathing of his friend, lover, boyfriend. He doesn't know how to define it, but the idea makes him feel like a teenager arguing over who will hang up first. Jared doesn't want to seem so childish anymore, so with a "goodbye" he hangs up the phone, feeling more alone than he has in a long time.</p><p>Jensen is somewhat disappointed when the phone goes silent. Jared makes him feel so many things. He looks around and can't help but laugh, he can't believe they did this, not him. Jared transforms him in a way that scares him, but if he is convinced of anything, it is that he wants to keep discovering it and that he can't wait much longer to do so.</p><p>Jensen decides to wait until the next day to see Josh, he wouldn't forgive himself for leaving home before seeing his brother, it's been almost a year since they met, but after that, he'll go looking for Jared. He will see what excuse he gives his family. He looks back at his body and the mess it has become, he doesn't feel strong enough to go back to the shower, so he wipes himself with the towel and wraps himself in the sheet, falling asleep almost immediately as a result of the alcohol he has drunk and the incredible phone sex session that has left him with a smile on his lips.</p><p>The next morning Jared wakes up sleepy but satisfied. He spends some time staring into nothingness, reviewing every moment of the previous night, feeling the memory getting him hard again. Lately, the slightest thought of Jensen makes him go like this. He looks at his bedside table and the flashing blue light from his mobile phone arouses his curiosity. Standing up a little on his elbow, he reaches out to the device.</p><p>Jensen's image appears on the screen with a message icon underneath. An ear-to-ear smile settles on his face. <strong><em>"I loved last night. It feels like you're my first time in everything. See you soon."</em></strong> Jared drops back into bed, covering his eyes with his arm as he begins to laugh. He's really happy to provoke all that in Jensen. <em>"See you soon."</em> It's gonna be the longest four days of his life.</p><p>
  <strong>******</strong>
</p><p>Josh arrives in the middle of the morning causing a big fuss at the ranch. His brother has always been one to be noticed, and Jensen can't help but laugh at every occurrence of his older brother, who seems especially out of control after being freed from all the pressure he is under in his new job. The day passes amidst jokes, laughter and scolding from their father, who severely reminds them that they are too old for such nonsense, which only provokes the three brothers, ready to make up for lost time.</p><p>Jensen was sorry for his decision to leave, but now the important thing is Jared, so at dinner he announces his intention to leave the next day. In the face of everyone's protests, especially his mother's, about the short time he has been home, he excuses himself by alleging some changes in the shooting schedule that require him to return early. In view of this, no one disputes anymore and after dinner, he prepares his suitcase to leave early in the morning.</p><p>Josh takes him to the airport in the morning, they have a coffee together and then Josh says goodbye to him to go back to the ranch. Jensen feels a little bad for lying to his family, but well, they don't have to know either. He enters the airport terminal, but instead of going to the check-in counters, he goes to one of the many car rental offices they have available for travelers. After a while (too long for your taste) of formalities, the hostess gives him the keys of a grey Audi A6 in which he is sitting right now, programming the address in the browser. <em>"Well, four hours and ten minutes. I don't think I'll have to stop,"</em> he thinks. In fact, he's sure he won't stop unless someone forces him to, say a Ranger squad, for example.</p><p>At noon, Jensen is parked outside the door of the house of Jared's parents, now does not feel as confident as he had been in Dallas, does not know how it will react Jared, although he hopes well, nor does he know if finally Jared has told his parents something. <em>"God, I'm gonna die of shame."</em> But it's okay, he's willing to face it. He closes his eyes trying to control his nerves which manifest themselves in an incessant shaking of his leg and excessive sweating of his hands. He takes a breath and gets out of the car with determination. After knocking on the door, Gerald Padalecki's friendly, surprised face welcomes him.</p><p>“Jensen, young man! What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Mr Padalecki! How are you? A friend was giving a concert in Austin last night, I came to see him and since I was nearby, I decided to stop by.”</p><p>“Well, welcome, boy. Visitors are always welcome,” replies the man as he steps aside so that Jensen can come in.</p><p>As soon as Jensen enters he meets Mrs. Padalecki who was looking out to see who the newcomer was. The woman receives him with a strong hug as she used to do every time they met. Gerald accompanies him to the back garden, where Jeff and his wife are and where they all seem to be enjoying some glasses of iced tea, sheltered in the shade of some enormous oaks.</p><p>“Where's Jared?” he asks after a while, hoping to see him show up.</p><p>“Oh, honey. He went out this morning with Meg, said he had to go shopping for some things. They should be here any minute,” answers Sherry as she offers him a glass of that refreshing tea he gratefully accepts. “You're staying home today, aren't you? I don't take no for an answer.”</p><p>“Well, I guess I can't say no,” he said, a bit frightened, and everyone in the place burst out laughing, knowing Mrs. Padalecki's character and how hard it is to disagree with her. Jensen has a good time in a pleasant conversation with Jared's family, talking about everything a little bit until he hears Jared's deep voice and his heart stops beating for a moment.</p><p>His laughter can be heard from the garden, Jared seems to be coming around the house, knowing where the rest of his family should be.</p><p>“Where's my little niece?” he shouts. “Look what your uncle Jay brings you.”</p><p>Megan and Jared come laughing into the backyard. Jared is carrying a huge teddy bear as well as several bags with different packages wrapped in gift wrap. It's not until he's almost ten yards away that Jared realizes the extra person accompanying his family.</p><p>“Jensen...” Jared notices how, for a moment, he is breathless as he looks at Jensen, who is smiling at him, sitting on that white forged chair in his parents' garden, with his legs crossed and a glass of iced tea in his hand. “What... What are you doing here?”</p><p>Jared decides to leave all the packages on the porch, taking advantage of that moment, in which he can get away from everyone, to calm down and recover from the impression of seeing Jensen there.</p><p>“I came to a concert last night in Austin,” Jensen says, now calm in his lie and enjoying Jared's face of not understanding anything. “I decided to stop by and say hello since I was nearby,” he continues with a mocking smile.</p><p>“Last night, a concert...” Jared repeats, trying to clear his head while the images of what happened the night before come back to his mind. “Well, great, isn't it? I'm glad to see you here,” he says once his brain starts working again, looking intently into those green eyes that seem to be mocking him.</p><p>“I was planning to leave this afternoon, but your mother invited me to spend the day. We can go for a drink.” The contact between the two boys' eyes is not lost, in fact, they seem to remain oblivious to everything going on around them. Everything until Sherry's voice opens passed into their ears.</p><p>“No way! Now it's time to eat and you're not going to leave me in the lurch. Everybody inside, we'll eat and then you can do whatever you want.”</p><p>“Yes, Mom!” They answer all at once, bursting out laughing. Sherry laughs too as she pushes them all inside. Jensen and Jared fall behind, making them pick up the chairs in the garden. Jared corners Jensen behind one of the trees, sticking to him, breathing heavily.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” he asks, unable to take his eyes off his lips. Jensen anticipates Jared's wishes, holding him by the neck and bringing him closer to his mouth in a quick kiss that still makes him shiver from head to toe.</p><p>“I came for you. Tomorrow we go home...”</p><p>Jared looks at him in amazement, wants to talk, but the words just won't come. He rests his forehead on Jensen's, the green of his eyes conveys a conviction he can't refuse.</p><p>“Yes, tomorrow...” Jared closes his eyes as he firmly clenches his jaw trying to calm down, to control all those emotions that Jensen's presence has triggered. He places a small kiss on his lover's mouth and separates from him.</p><p>“Come on, they're waiting for us to eat...”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 15</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>In the living room, everyone is already sitting and waiting for them. The two heads of the table, reserved for Messrs. Padalecki, Jeff and his wife on one side and Megan in front of his older brother, the seat next to her is the usual Jared, but his little sister is excited by the visit of his brother's handsome co-worker, his mother had to expressly prohibit her from making any calls to her friends, so she practically threw herself at Jensen as soon as he entered the door, taking him by the hand to the chair next to him. Jensen gives him his best smile and then turns to Jared, with a contrite gesture, provoking the laughter of Jared, who is watching them with amusement.</p><p> </p><p>Jared is euphoric, all that energy so habitual in him and that lately seemed to disappear, has been unleashed by the emotion of seeing Jensen. He laughs, talks, jokes and eats as if he hadn't done it in years, everyone looks at him in astonishment. Jensen looks at him and feels Jared's happiness rubbing off on him, piercing every inch of his skin. He can't help but admire the glow in Jared's gray, perhaps, or perhaps today brown, eyes. He's fascinated by their ability to change color according to light or Jared's mood, just as he's fascinated by the dimples on his face when he laughs like this. A huge feeling of love settles on Jensen's chest and he can't resist the urge to touch it, just to make sure it's real.</p><p>“J.T., honey. What's wrong with you today?” Jared is gently nagged by his mother. Everyone laughs underneath, making Jared blush, who is mostly distracted by serving himself a third time from the bowl of his mother's delicious mashed potatoes.</p><p>“J.T.! Leave some for the others! Jensen has hardly eaten.” Jared stands like a statue after his mother's scream, feeling his cheeks blush even more. Okay, he's going a little overboard, Jensen's gonna think he's an idiot.</p><p>“I'm... I'm sorry, mom. Jensen, do you want some more?” asks apologizing, resigned.</p><p>Jensen can't help it, Jared looks so adorable with those puppy eyes and red as a tomato. He can't help but laugh, and with him, the rest of the table. Jared looks at him with hatred and a grimace that Jensen immediately understands as a, "you'll find out," which only makes him more fun.</p><p>“I'm sorry, Jay, thank you, I don't feel like it more,” he says with an amused reply to Jared, who continues to hold the bowl in his hand and look at him as if he were assessing the possibility of pouring it over Jensen's head. Finally, he chooses to leave it back on the table and stay quiet for a while to see if everyone forgets about him. It seems to work because the conversation is now focused on Jeff's work and the hospital gossip, the only one who hasn't forgotten about Jared is Jensen, who, driven by that protective feeling that is increasingly present in his head, slides his hand over Jared's knee, giving him a gentle squeeze, apologizing to him with the gesture.</p><p>Jared has to muster all his willpower not to jump into the seat, and after recovering, he puts his hand over Jensen's, caressing his back with his thumb. They passed the dinner, almost without intervening in the conversation, focusing each on the other's hand and on what the mutual closeness offers them.</p><p>In the afternoon they decide to go out. The Padalecki family is great, but they all seem to have that kind of endless energy that exhausts everyone who is not one of them. After changing clothes, opting for something comfortable and cool, which is a pair of jeans and a nice T-shirt for Jared and a black shirt, rolled up and the same type of pants for Jensen, both are, at six, sitting in the Jensen's rental car.</p><p>“No offense, but I was looking forward to getting out of your house.” A naughty smile on his lips.</p><p>“I believe you,” Jared answers, laughing and looking around inside the car. “Dude, this car doesn't suit you.” Jensen looks at him in surprise, looking around like Jared did.</p><p>“It' s German, it' s safe,” he replies by winking at him and offering a half-sided smile. Jared thinks about it for a second and then lets out a loud laugh from the depths of his chest.</p><p>“Okay, that really suits you.”</p><p>Jensen looks at him funny, happy to have him by his side.</p><p>“So, princess. Where are we going?”</p><p>“I'm not a girl,” Jared replied with a pout. “We're going to the San Antonio River Promenade.” Jensen holds his hand to his chin, spinning him around to look him in the eye.</p><p>“You're so adorable...” he says as he places a quick kiss on his lips. Jared pretends to be offended.</p><p>“What I said...” Jensen laughs as he winks at him. “To the river promenade then.” Start the engine and they're on their way to town.</p><p>The river promenade is a great place to spend your afternoons and nights in San Antonio. On both banks, people walk in one direction and in the other, crossing the countless bridges that cross the river, bridges of all kinds and designs that always surprise visitors. On both shores, there are plenty of benches where visitors rest, read or just watch how the rest of the world walks.</p><p>Musicians abound, livening up each area of the promenade with different melodies, just like the painters, who try to capture the beauty of the place, the ancient buildings that border the promenade and all those terraces of the great variety of venues that offer all kinds of drinks and food along the promenade. Terraces decorated with a great amount of flowers and parasols that fill everything with color and joy.</p><p>Both spend the afternoon walking around, enjoying each other's company. Being in such a public place, the gestures of affection had to be discarded, except for some fingers that occasionally remain hooked for some second too long when their hands brush against each other while walking. Both feel that furtive contact as the most desired caress. When they want to notice, the lights already illuminate everything, filling the promenade with yellow and orange tones that reflect on the surface of the water, through which small boats also full of light bulbs now sail.</p><p>They decide to find a place to sit and enjoy a few beers. Finally, they choose a small table at the end of a discreet terrace, a little further away from the area with the greatest number of people passing by. From there they can enjoy the music with which a street saxophonist delights the passers-by a couple of gardens away. The guy has a good jazz repertoire. After waiting for a while, the waitress leaves them their order of beers, burgers and lots of fries which they both look forward to.</p><p>“How did you get this crazy?” Ask Jared, finally.</p><p>“Didn't you want me to come?” asks Jensen in turn, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Hey, sure... I just never thought you'd...” says Jared with a sad expression, not that he wanted it to sound like a reproach. Jensen laughs as he holds his burger in both hands before putting it in his mouth.</p><p>“Shhh... Calm down. Anyway, do you think that after what you made me do last night, a man like me can wait four days?”</p><p>Jared almost choked on the fries that filled his mouth at that moment, after several coughs and a long drink of beer to calm down, he looks at Jensen very seriously. If Jensen wants to play... let's see who has the last word.</p><p>“If you want, tonight...” Jared accompanies these words with all the seductive tone he can muster, accompanying him with a rub of his boot all the way down Jensen's leg, which can only pick them up at once.</p><p>“You're insane! We don't do anything in your house. You don't even know me there,” he shouts quietly with a frightened face. Jared laughs out loud, getting Jensen to laugh too, after seeing his partner's mockery. After a while of joking, the conversation turns to a more serious tone.</p><p>“I noticed you didn't tell your parents...” Jensen says. Jared looks down at the table as he plays with his fork and spins it.</p><p>“No... I'm sorry, Jen. You were right. It's just... I don't know, it's all my bullshit. Don't listen to me.” Jared's wondering why he can't tell Jensen how he feels so he can get rid of all that unpleasantness.</p><p>“Hey, we're in this together, aren't we? Tell me, I've already told you what I think. I just think we need to wait, be sure and consider all the options. So many things can change, our families, our careers...”</p><p>Jensen says all this in a soft tone, trying to comfort his partner, wanting to convey the sincerity of his words, reaffirming everything by squeezing Jared's thigh.</p><p>Jared looks up from his fork to concentrate on his friend's sincere look. He feels that his emotions are getting the better of him and, above all, he doesn't want to cry in front of Jensen and, to make matters worse, in a public place. He takes a deep breath and takes a second before he speaks.</p><p>“You know... I'm afraid this isn't real. I don't think I could handle it, I couldn't do it now. If you... if you were to leave, I...” Jared can't talk anymore, not without the tears coming. Jensen looks at him in sorrow, feels his heart shrink at seeing Jared so scared. Seeing him like this hurts him deep inside his soul. Despite the place they are in, he takes Jared's hand in his, caressing it.</p><p>“Listen to me, I'm not going to tell you again. This is real, Jay. You don't need to proclaim it to make it real. It is because we make it real, I'm here, now, with you... and I want to stay here. I want to be a part of your life, Jay, and I want you to be a part of mine. Look at me, Jay. Look at me and tell me that you believe me...”</p><p>Jared is lost in the green crystalline of Jensen's eyes begging him to trust him. And Jared does, irretrievably. He trusts this man who knows him better than anyone.</p><p>“I believe you...,” responds with a shy smile. Jensen keeps his hand tight for a while longer until Jared seems to settle down. They continue to talk, somewhat more calmly, until they feel that the coolness that comes from being near the water is no longer so pleasant, deciding then that it's time to go back. The next day they have to take a plane.</p><p>The next morning they both get up early. Jensen had managed, after threatening not to touch him for a month, to get Jared out of his room the night before, when after saying goodbye, and with Jensen already in bed, Jared appeared on his tiptoes, scaring him to death, and begging to be allowed to spend the night there, promising to return to his room before dawn.</p><p>“No, no, no! Are you crazy?” he shouted in a whisper.</p><p>“Please... come on...” Jared had asked, pouting and blowing out those puppy eyes he'd adopted from his character, while trying to pull the edge of the sheet Jensen was holding on to as if his life depended on it.</p><p>“I said no! Get out, Jared, for God's sake... I'll kill you. I swear I'll kill you if you get caught here.” Jensen had turned red with nerves and, if looks could kill, Jared would have fallen flat on the carpet before saying amen.</p><p>“Ok...,” he conceded with a resigned voice and the saddest expression Jensen had ever seen. He was a goddamn manipulator. “A kiss at least? A good night kiss...”</p><p>Jensen had rolled his eyes in exasperation, but at the same time funny, smiling, knelt down on the bed to be more or less at Jared's level.</p><p>“Come here...”</p><p>Jared had smiled triumphantly, reaching out to Jensen and grabbing him by the waist. Jensen brought his hands to his face and pulled him towards him, depositing a tender kiss on his lips, licking and caressing every inch with his tongue. Jared sighed, running his hands over his lover's hips and down to his buttocks, pressing them and bringing him closer.</p><p>“If you don't go NOW! you won't be able to taste this for more than a month.” There was a grunt from Jensen, a hoarse voice, inside the kiss. Jared instantly withdrew, gave his friend another quick kiss, walked out of the room with a funny expression, the same one Jensen was wearing when he returned to his place between the sheets.</p><p>At breakfast, Jared announces to his parents that he is leaving, citing the same scheduling problems that occurred during the filming schedule. As with Jensen's family, they don't take it very well, but work is work, there's nothing to do. They say goodbye to everyone, promising to return as soon as possible. At mid-morning they are on their way to the airport, they don't have tickets, but they are confident that they won't have many problems to find a couple of free places. They are quite lucky to get the flight with the shortest stopover time, they only have six and a half hours left to travel, they will be home for dinner.</p><p>At 10:30 p.m., their plane lands in Vancouver. They are exhausted, the flight has gone on forever, the first four hours passed quietly, enjoying the video and the conversation, they had even taken a few naps, but so far north in the country, the weather had changed catching them in a storm that, combined with the infinite number of turbulent sections, had made them believe that they were travelling on a roller coaster rather than a plane. As they set foot on the ground, they were both relieved. They are pale, their hands are strained, and their whole body is sore from the tension.</p><p>“Dinner out, we forgot, didn't we?” asks Jared with a defeated gesture.</p><p>“I just want to get home,” answers Jensen, still shaking, as he makes his way to the taxi stand with a sigh. Jared follows him, dragging his suitcase along. It's pouring down the street, plus an intense cold that makes them pull up their jacket collars and hide their hands in their pockets with a whimper. Of course, Canada is not Texas.</p><p>They come home soaked and freezing. At the entrance, they get rid of their jackets and wet boots and Jensen runs to get some towels while Jared goes straight to the kitchen. Jensen returns, drying his hair. As he enters the kitchen, he throws another towel at Jared who grabs it on the fly, turning on the microwave before he starts drying himself.</p><p>“Packet soup...” he smiles at Jensen, who looks at him inquisitively. “I'm cold and I think you're cold, too. We could use it.”</p><p>Jensen nods his head and then heads for the refrigerator, dodging Jared's body in his path, but he can't resist giving him a quick kiss as he passes. Jared turns, following him with a gawky smile, watching as he pulls things out of the fridge. They make sandwiches and a little salad together and dine directly at the kitchen bar.</p><p>“God! Much better...,” exclaims Jensen, closing his eyes with a satisfied expression. “Now, one shower and I'll be a person again.”</p><p>Jared looks at him funny, right now he totally reminds him of Dean. “Go on... I'll get this.”</p><p>“Really?” His eyes are glowing with gratitude, but a little bit of guilt. “Hmm. I can help you... I don't care.”</p><p>“Go! You need it, you're going to get stiff on the counter.”</p><p>Jensen holds his arm, pulling him closer, Jared lets himself go and Jensen plants a tender kiss on his lips and then whispers a thank you between them. A moment later, he is walking up the stairs while Jared follows him with his eyes.</p><p>It only takes him a while to finish tidying up the kitchen, he sighs wearily as he puts the last dishes in the cupboard, reassuring himself, thinking that now it will be his turn for a good shower. A pity Jensen had already taken it, he hopes to make up for it later. When he goes upstairs, he doesn't find his partner in the room, and although the shower water is no longer heard, he assumes that he is still in the bathroom.</p><p>“Jen?” he asks by the door.</p><p>“Come in, I've been waiting for you.” Jensen's voice sounded hoarse and a little nervous. Jared seems surprised.</p><p>“Wait...” His whole intention was to ask something, he doesn't quite know what, when he finishes opening the door he finds his handsome friend in the bathtub, covered with foam up to his chest. Jensen looks at him smiling, but his eyes look nervous and full of doubt. Jared can't take his eyes off all of Jensen's exposed, wet skin out of the water.</p><p>“I thought a bath would be better,” says a Jensen who now looks embarrassed. “You coming?”</p><p>Jared feels a chill run down his spine, ruffling every inch of his skin. Taking a couple of steps, he extends his arm, linking his fingers to Jensen's, squeezing his hand into his, closing his eyes, focusing on the heat that the slightest touch brings. His face is contracted, his jaw is clenched and his breathing begins to become heavier.</p><p>Jared opens his eyes to meet Jensen's eyes, eyes that are both burning and comforting. He leans over the tub without letting go of his hand, looking for Jensen's lips. Little kisses first, light kisses, lip to lip, and then he starts licking, running his tongue along the other one's lips, making him moan. Feeling how those moans provoke his desire a little more, if that were possible. His tongue takes advantage of one of those moans to slip into Jensen's mouth, running through it curiously, just as his other hand is curious, choosing to dive into the bathtub by itself, exploring the skin hidden under the foam.</p><p>Jensen strokes the back of his neck with his free hand, drawing him closer when he feels the caress of that huge hand running across his belly.</p><p>“Strip down...” Jensen asks, still inside the kiss. Jared nods, bringing his hands behind his back to pull the shirt up, pulling it out by the head.</p><p>He stands up, unbuttoning his belt and the buttons on his pants. Jensen looks at him, expectantly, his eyes completely obscured by desire. He finishes taking off his trousers and boxer shorts, leaving everything at the foot of the bath. Jared appears glorious in Jensen's eyes, and he can't take his eyes off him. He is fascinated by Jared's body, his soft golden skin that he wants to touch so badly.</p><p>He lifts his hand to his belly, Jared stands still, letting himself be admired, Jensen runs his defined abs, outlining his hip bone with his fingers, skirting his waist, stroking his buttocks, treasuring their firmness as he squeezes them and then lowering them all the way down his thigh. His eyes have followed all the movement of his hand with adoration and now they meet again with Jared's grays.</p><p>“Get in...” he whispers in a hoarse voice.</p><p>Jared enters the water, sitting between Jensen's legs, with his back to his chest. His arms surround him as he feels his breath against his neck, his tongue tracing a path of kisses and saliva to his ear, catching his lobe, sucking. His body trembles with desire and pleasure as he throws his head back, resting it on Jensen's shoulder, to give him more access to where he wants to go.</p><p>Jensen finds his pulse in his neck and kisses it, then bites him and kisses again. His hands run across Jared's chest, caressing him, and Jared can only put his hands on top of Jensen's, letting himself go with him.</p><p>“I wanted this... I wanted you so badly...”Jensen whispers in his ear. Jared can only moan, letting out air he didn't know he was holding, feeling his cock swollen and throbbing with every caress Jensen gives him.</p><p>“Relax, Jay... I want you to enjoy it. Close your eyes...”</p><p>Jared obeys, feels Jensen's hands leave his body, leaving a grief behind. Seconds later, he feels the warmth of the water falling on his head.</p><p>“What... What are you doing?”</p><p>“Shhh...” And a kiss lands on his temple. He hears the cap of a bottle opening and the fresh citrus scent of his shampoo invades his mind.</p><p>Jensen's hands are now on his head, gently rubbing his hair, massaging his scalp, in an act so intimate and erotic that Jared doesn't think it's possible. He lets himself go. Clinging to Jensen's legs, exhaling small sighs of pleasure, a little disappointed when he feels the water again removing the soap. Jensen's tongue returns to his ear, licking it, taking small bites on his neck under it.</p><p>“Good?”</p><p>“Umpf...” How can Jensen expect a coherent answer from him? Jensen smiles pleased at Jared's lack of ability to answer. He now takes a sponge from the shelf, pouring the gel over it, the smell of chocolate now reaching a very expectant Jared. He feels Jensen squeezing it onto his skin, slowly running his arms first, then his shoulders and his neck, then sliding it over his chest.</p><p>Feel Jensen's heavy breathing on his cheek and the little kisses he leaves behind as the hand that handles the sponge lingers on his already very erect nipples, causing his chest to rise to seek more contact. That torturing hand continues on his belly, not seeming to want to reach its goal for the lament of Jared who thinks he will not be able to stand anymore. He feels his cock jumping with every caress, hard and warm.</p><p>“Please...,” he can't help but beg. “Jensen, please...”</p><p>Jensen's desire is triggered by his plea, he turns his face to invade his mouth eagerly while his hand leaves the sponge and seeks his erection. Jared thinks he's going to die when he feels Jensen's hand around his thickness. Jensen caresses him with just the right pressure, running up and down his cock, while his tongue invades his mouth, sliding down it like a gale, sweeping everything away.</p><p>Jared moans in his lover's mouth, asking for more. Jensen strokes the head of his dick with his thumb, making small circles, pressing on its slit, causing Jared's hips to jump out, thrusting into his fist. Jensen's hand now goes down, pressing his swollen vein to his testicles, weighing them down, they are swollen and retracted, an unmistakable sign that Jared is about to finish. Jared continues to plead.</p><p>“Oh, God! Jen... So good... Faster... I need...”</p><p>“Jay, look at me. Look at me, I want to see you...” Jensen asks, while increasing the speed at which he is jerking him off, using his other hand to caress Jared's nipples, who is already very excited. Jared's eyes open, meeting his own. Jensen can't explain what it feels like to see him, to see those beautiful eyes staring at him out of focus with pleasure, his cheeks rosy, his mouth half open moaning his name.</p><p>Jensen strokes him quickly and hard, as he knows he needs to, watching his face contract for a second and then burst into a deep groan as the waves of orgasmic pleasure pass through his body. Jensen watches him, enraptured, feeling that he could now come without even touching himself. He brings his lips to Jared's, gently caressing his already relaxed cock.</p><p>Jared breathes heavily, letting himself be rocked by Jensen's arms, responding to his kisses almost by inertia, because he is sure that his brain will not be able to work properly for long.</p><p>“You're so beautiful... You look so beautiful like that...” Jensen whispers and then kisses him again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 16</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>It takes a while before Jared is aware of everything around him again, happy in the arms of his partner who caresses him in silence, giving him the time he needs to recover. His mind rejoices in everything that has happened until a doubt crosses his mind.</p><p>“Jen... you, you don't... you know.”</p><p>Jensen looks at him with a funny smile and then places a little kiss on his lips. “No, but easy. We're not in a hurry, are we?” Jared looks at him dubiously, especially now that he's aware of the problem he feels pressing on his back. After giving Jensen a tender kiss, he stands up and offers him a hand to get out.</p><p>“Come on, the water's already cold.”</p><p>Jensen follows him out of the tub, letting himself be covered by the towel Jared has already prepared. Jared sticks to his back, separated only by the curly cloth, wrapping his arms around him and rubbing them to dry Jensen as he pushes him into the bedroom. Jensen lets himself go, now lying on the bed where Jared just left him. Jared watches him, feasting on the view as he bites his lower lip, clearly thinking of something.</p><p>Jensen feels his cheeks blush, feels a little embarrassed about being exposed like that. Finally, and to his relief, Jared moves, leans over the bed covering his body. “My turn,” he says with a wistful smile. He leans over his mouth, catching Jensen's thick lower lip with his teeth, pulling on it as he licks it. Jensen groans at the touch, causing Jared to repeat it again, this time a little harder, with the desire to hear him again.</p><p>Jensen decides to fight back, taking advantage of the moment when Jared releases his lip to push with his tongue in the other mouth that allows itself to be invaded without resistance. Jensen embraces Jared, clinging on tighter, feeling those huge hands sliding down his side. Jared's mouth leaves his and now slides down his chin, leaving a trail of saliva down his jaw to his neck, just under his ear. Jensen tangles his fingers in Jared's wet hair, as Jared continues to descend down his neck, lingering at the spot where he feels his pulse beating. He licks it and for a moment fantasizes about putting more pressure on it, about marking it, but finally throws it away, fearing it's too soon for Jensen.</p><p>He kisses his shoulders along the line of his collarbone, his tongue tastes the bath water mixed with Jensen's own through the sweat that begins to cover his golden skin. Jensen breathes restlessly under his caresses, with his eyes closed and his hand free, holding the sheets firmly.</p><p>Jared doesn't stop, reaching now for one of his erect nipples. Licking the swollen button, trapping it between his teeth, Jensen groans his name as he squeezes the grip of his hand on Jared's head, pressing it to his chest. Jared smiles over the skin of his torso at his reaction, repeating the process on his abandoned twin.</p><p>Jensen is overwhelmed by the sensations, the only thing he knows for sure is that he doesn't want Jared to stop. His cock is so swollen that it hurts, and he seeks some relief by rubbing on Jared's hip, thrusting against it in a somewhat desperate manner.</p><p>“Shhh... not yet,” Jared warns, while holding his hip against the mattress.Jensen can't help but emit a grievous groan, which provokes Jared's laughter.</p><p> </p><p>“Please... touch me,” Jensen pleads. Jared remains unmoved by his pleas, causing his body to shake in protest.</p><p>“Easy...”</p><p>His kisses now descend to Jensen's navel, penetrating it with his tongue, making the body below him already tremble with anticipation. “What are you going to do?” Jensen asks nervously, he doesn't want to think about it because he thinks he might faint. Despite all the long sessions of kissing and caressing they've had so far, Jared has never taken him with his mouth, so just imagining it makes Jensen's dick fill up more, as if that were possible.</p><p>“Would you like to?” asks Jared in a hoarse voice, looking up from his skin and finding green eyes staring at him out of focus and pleading.</p><p>“Oh, God!” moans Jensen, tossing his head back hard and pushing down with the hand holding Jared's hair.</p><p>“I'll take that as a yes,” Jared answers with fun.</p><p>Jared puts his hands under Jensen's thighs, lifting them up to give him more room to move. He runs with kisses and caresses along his inner thighs until he finds what he most wants right now. He has never done this before, but he is curious about how it will feel, how it will taste and many other things. He is also afraid of not doing it right, although if he starts thinking, he just has to remember that he likes to have it done to him when he is in this situation.</p><p>Jensen's desperate hip thrust for attention takes Jared out of his thoughts, focusing now on nothing more than trying to give that man shaking under his body just a little more than Jensen gives him. He admires that red, swollen limb pulsing over Jensen's belly, moistened by the pre-seminal fluid escaping from its opening. He brings his face closer, filling it with his strong, masculine scent.</p><p>His tongue runs from the base to the tip, collecting those precious drops, tasting its somewhat musky flavor mixed with the taste of soap. Jensen leans on his elbows, rising to contemplate his lover. All desire and expectation in his eyes, so darkened that they have lost, almost completely, the green so loved by Jared.</p><p>Jared wraps his lips around his swollen head, sucking and then penetrating the cleft with his tongue. “Jared!” A muffled groan escapes from Jensen's lips, which tightens his entire body instantly. Jared keeps the pressure on his lips, sliding down until he takes Jensen almost completely. Jensen has to close his eyes because, if he keeps looking, he'll be done almost before he starts.</p><p>Jared also closes his eyes, relaxing his throat so he can take in Jensen in his entirety. He begins a rocking back and forth motion, encouraged by the moans of pleasure that reached his ears, with his hand caressing Jensen's balls, pressing and pulling as his tongue now runs through the thick vein that feeds Jensen's hard cock.</p><p>“For Christ's sake, Jay! Please... you're gonna kill me...” Jensen now strokes Jared's shoulders, clinging to them in desperation. He takes his hand to the back of his head and holds it firmly as he raises his hips, thrusting into Jared's mouth. Jared relaxes his throat and lets himself go, proudly provoking that anxiety in his lover that groans over and over again saying his name. He knows that Jensen is about to end and confirms it when Jensen suddenly stops, trying to push Jared away.</p><p>“Stop, Jared... I...”</p><p>But Jared doesn't pay attention to him, holding Jensen with one hand against the mattress, he uses the other to hold his cock, while he sucks his red head, turning and climbing until a hoarse moan comes from Jensen's lips, which raises his hips following the spasms caused by the orgasm. Jensen opens his eyes, forcing himself to look at Jared, who is picking up every last drop of his seed, running his tongue across his now very sensitive skin.</p><p>Jensen can't help but laugh, a nervous, satisfied, tired, pleased laugh. He pulls Jared up, kissing him eagerly, tasting his own flavor in his beloved mouth.</p><p>“That was amazing, Jay...” confesses still panting as he squeezes him tightly in his arms, as if he wants to merge with him. Jared lies down on his chest, feeling Jensen's heart beating wildly. From that man he knows he will love more than anything in the world, forever.</p><p>Before they can realize it, they both fall asleep, tired and satisfied.</p><p>Jared wakes up with a strange sense of emptiness. He opens his eyes and can only make out the darkness, it's still night. He misses the warmth he should feel next to him, the warmth Jensen's body should feel. He reaches back only to realize what his body already knows, that only cold sheets are lying next to him. He sighs in defeat, can't believe Jensen has gone to his room. Everything had gone so well. Why can't Jensen finish making up his mind?</p><p>A noise of something hitting glass makes him open his eyes again, Jared turns his body in the direction of the sound and then he sees it. Across the room, sitting in the reading armchair under the window, is Jensen. In the darkness, only the faint glow of the moon and the dim lighting of the street illuminate a tiny part of him, in an incredible combination.</p><p>His bare torso rests against the backrest, his arms outstretched on the armrest, in his right hand he holds a wide glass of ice and a golden liquid inside, Jensen turns it with a gentle flick of his wrist, making that noise that had caught Jared's attention. Jensen wears his jeans but open and keeps one leg bent and the other fully extended in a relaxed attitude, his bare feet resting on the soft carpet. Jared feels Jensen's eyes on him, though they seem lost, as if looking through him.</p><p>“Hey... what are you doing there?” asks Jared in a drowsy voice with a rather raspy, just-awakened tone. Jensen doesn't answer, seems lost in thought, doesn't even seem to have heard him. Jared crawls to the other side of the bed, sitting on the edge in front of Jensen. “Hey. Jen? What's up?”</p><p>Jensen finally seems to react, fixing his gaze on Jared.</p><p>“Just thinking.”</p><p>“Should I be scared?” The restlessness is evident in Jared's tone. The distance between them seems huge to him. Jared wishes Jensen would come back to bed with him, where he can hold him and never let go. Jensen gave him a small smile and a sigh.</p><p>“No, I don't think so,” Jensen replies wistfully. “It's just so many things, you know?”</p><p>Jared looks at him curiously, wants to approach him, wants to ask, but decides to wait and let Jensen talk.</p><p>“We used to be friends... I never thought I could have a friend like you. When I met you, I was suspicious, you had taken away my role as Sam, damn it... I was sure you'd be a stuck-up pretty boy. And you came in with all that height, that gangly body and the stupidest smile I'd ever seen in my life...”</p><p>Jensen says this with a little laugh, shaking his head as he evokes that moment in his head. Jared snorts for a second at the adjective, but he remains attentive, waiting to see where Jensen is going.</p><p>“And you shook my hand,” Jensen continues. “And it was the most outspoken handshake I'd ever been given. And we started working, spending hours and hours together, going out, sharing more things every day. And you were great, I got to know you as much as I know myself and I think you were the same way. We laughed, we cried, we suffered at work, all together. Chris has been my best friend all my life, we've known each other since we were kids, but you, in four years, took over his role.” Jensen keeps staring at Jared's face.</p><p>“And then you started to get upset, and I was upset too because I didn't know what was wrong with you, I couldn't get through to you, and I was frustrated that I couldn't help you because you were my best friend and you were suffering. And you kissed me...”</p><p>At this point, Jensen's eyes start to fill with tears. One of them manages to escape by sliding down his cheek. Jared moves to get closer, to comfort him, but a gesture of Jensen's hand keeps him in place.</p><p>“You kissed me and everything went to hell..., I hated you, I hated you so much..., I felt that something so important in my life had been broken, something I never thought I could lose. And then I felt afraid, first of all, that you would leave because, although I hated you, I didn't feel able to break that bond with you. I was reluctant to lose that friendship that I had become so dependent on. Then I felt afraid of what was being aroused in me, of all those feelings that were overwhelming me. I wanted to protect you, to have you close to me, I was jealous of an actress who touched you while shooting a scene... For God's sake! Jealousy!... I couldn't believe it...”</p><p>Jensen stops for a moment to take a short sip of his drink, then he brings the iced glass to his forehead, hoping that the coolness will calm down a bit that burning sensation that all this confession provokes. Jared's confused, too. He didn't think Jensen was able to open up like that. The emotion is also overpowering him, he notices it in his eyes that are beginning to blur, and in his hands, that he hides between the sheets to hide his trembling.</p><p>Jensen looks at him, more and more intensely, with the implicit request that he believe him, Jensen is opening his soul to Jared, leaving himself exposed as he surely would never have done.</p><p>“I decided to try, I decided to trust you, to let myself go in all this madness even though all my alerts were sounding, all my rational side was telling me I shouldn't do it. But you always drag me along, you do it with everything, whether it's making a joke or moving in together, it's almost always your decision and I follow you. I don't know how you do it.”</p><p>Now it was Jared smiling, Jensen smiles too, his eyes shine in a special way, or so Jared thinks.</p><p>“And I've felt happy,” Jensen continues, “happier than I ever thought I would be, despite the occasional argument, of course. Every moment I spend with you fills me with happiness. But you make me do so much more, Jay, so much more. I'm insecure, scared, I want to have you, to please your every desire, to protect you, to love you, I imagine a thousand things together. Sometimes I drown ..., especially by fear, the fear that I have now to lose you, the one I feel when you are not by my side. Tonight I... I think I've realized everything...”</p><p>What Jared wants most is to run to Jensen, but he can't move, his whole body trembles with the emotion of listening to his lover. He wants to hold him so badly, to tell him that he'll always be there. His eyes were searching for Jensen's in a longing way, begging him to let him come closer.</p><p>“Jen...”</p><p>Jensen seems to notice him again, as if he had been absent for a moment. He extends his hand to Jared, inviting him to take it. Jared does, trying to control the tremor in his hand as his fingers slide into Jensen's palm. Jensen affirms his grip on Jared's fingers and pulls his arm, making him walk to where he's sitting.</p><p>Jared stands between Jensen's open legs, the two of them staring at each other, filling each other up. Jared moves his legs over his partner's, straddling him, resting his forehead on Jensen's, running his arms along Jensen’s sides, between his back and the back of the armchair. Jensen lays his drink down and slides his hands from Jared's knees up his thighs to his waist.</p><p>“We're not friends anymore... What are we now, Jay?”</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, everybody!<br/>Sorry for the delay in this last update, but my back has been giving me some problems and sitting at the computer was not a good idea.<br/>I hope you're all safe and sound.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Chapter 17</strong>
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</p><p> </p><p>“We're not friends anymore... What are we now, Jay?”</p><p>Jared doesn't answer right away, the two of them are silent, keeping the same position for a while, they wouldn't be able to tell how much. Face to face, with their eyes closed, listening only to their breathing, filling themselves with the smell of the other, aware more than ever of the step they are taking tonight when it seems they have finally decided to turn their cards over.</p><p>“We're friends, Jen.” Jared finally decides to talk. Jensen squeezes his eyes, wants to look at Jared, but at the same time he doubts a little about what his friend's answer will be, so fear makes him keep them closed. “We're always going to be... except now we're so much more, I want us to be more and I hope, well, I think... I think you do too. And that makes me happy.”</p><p>Jared smiles even though Jensen can't see it. He puts his hands up to Jensen's face and rests his palms on his cheeks, holding him. “Look at me, Jen.” Jensen opens his eyes, filled with emotion, fixing them on Jared's. “I'm scared, too, you know? Exactly the same as you. But nothing has to go wrong, you hear me? I won't let that happen. I just... I just need you, I need to know that you're going to be there for me,” he says, depositing a warm kiss on Jensen's forehead, who circles his waist, pulling him to his chest, rocking him as he buries his own face in Jared's neck.</p><p>“I'm going to do it,” Jensen says against his skin. I'm not going to get rid of you even with boiling water.</p><p>The two laugh at the answer, managing to take some of the tension out of the emotional conversation they've been engaged in. Their bodies and souls, now a little more relaxed, are dedicated for a while to enjoy the feeling of having been released a little of the weight that afflicted them.</p><p>Again, it is Jared who is the first to break that silence. He steps away a little and rests his hands on Jensen's chest, staring into his eyes. In Jared's gaze, Jensen notices determination, his eyes can only return an inquisitive look.</p><p>“I want to do this,” Jared says, in a hoarse, slow voice. “I want to be totally yours.” There's still determination in Jared's voice, but also nerves. Jensen can see his jaw tightening and shaking slightly.</p><p>Jensen also tense, dry swallow, looking at Jared, full of doubt. Hell, they never even talked about that, who would do what to whom. Jensen feels his nerves take over. What if he did it wrong? What if he hurt him? He would never forgive himself for hurting him. He reacts to the feeling of hands rubbing his chest.</p><p>“Hey...” Jared says. “What's wrong?”</p><p>Jensen looks at Jared again, praying his eyes don't reflect the fear he feels. “Are you... Are you sure?” He can barely tell, noticing the dry mouth and sticky tongue.</p><p>“Yes, I am,” Jared says with determination.</p><p>Jensen nods his head, unable to say another word. He glides his eyes all over Jared's body as his fingers tenderly run over his partner's back, barely touching it, just a slight, almost imperceptible touch that makes Jared shudder, as he lets himself be caressed with his eyes closed.</p><p>Jensen's hands rise up from Jared's waist, touching every vertebra in his spine to separate later on his shoulders. When they're done there, one hand goes back down the same way, holding Jared's body, while the other encircles his shoulder, sliding down his collarbone, stopping at his neck, where the thumb rises to caress the pronounced Adam's apple, causing Jared to tilt his head back, giving Jensen more space.</p><p>The same hand continues down his chest, loving every inch of skin. Jensen leans forward, trapping the exposed Adam's apple between his lips. Jared, deep in the caresses, can't help but moan in surprise. Jensen's tongue runs down the path from his jaw to his chin to finally reach the longed-for mouth, which waits half open and panting.</p><p>Jared wraps his hands around his lover's short hair, drawing him closer to the kiss. Their tongues collide inside his mouth, lusting after each other and trying to steal each other' s breath. For a while, it's all lips, teeth and saliva. Moaning in each other's mouths, getting more and more excited. Jensen lowers his hands to Jared's buttocks, squeezing them tightly, bringing him closer, which makes him feel Jared's hardness, who is still totally naked, against his stomach.</p><p>Jared groans at the unexpected touch, a moment that Jensen takes advantage of to dominate the kiss as he slides a hand to his lover's hard limb, caressing it softly. Jared takes one of his hands to hold Jensen's.</p><p>“I don't... I don't think it'll hold,” he says embarrassed when Jensen looks at it inquisitively. Jensen nods his head.</p><p>“Let's go to bed, shall we? We'll be more comfortable.”</p><p>Jared nods as he gets up, held by Jensen's hands, then pulling him in. Jensen sticks to his back, wrapping his hands around his waist as they walk to the bed, kissing the back of his head and shoulders along the way. The rubbing of Jensen's pants on his buttocks gives Jared an excitement he can't define.</p><p>Once they reach the bed, Jared turns, sitting on the edge of the bed. Holding on to the loops of Jensen's pants, he pulls on them to pull him between his legs. Jensen takes the step that separates them, allowing Jared's tongue to slide down his stomach, places his hands on Jared's shoulders, holding himself up as he throws his head back with his eyes closed.</p><p>Jared grabs his hip, licks his belly button and follows the fine hairy path down to his jeans opening with kisses. With his thumbs, he pulls them down, surprised by the lack of boxer shorts, which, at this moment, Jared finds fucking hot.</p><p>Jared frees Jensen's length from the oppression of the coarse cloth. His hand caresses it trembling, suddenly he realizes the size and doubt creeps into his mind making him stand still. He feels Jensen's fingers on his chin, urging him to raise his head and look at him. His green eyes watch him worryingly, inquisitively trying to guess his fear and glowing even more with understanding.</p><p>Jensen leans over, brushing Jared's lips with a tender kiss. “Shh... Calm down... We'll go slowly, okay? Just what you want, we can wait.”</p><p>“No,” Jared exclaims, a little louder than he would have liked. “No..., Jen..., I want it. I really do.”</p><p>Jensen nods, though his face reflects certain doubts. He pushes Jared gently over the bed, making him climb up it and then lie down next to him. “You need to relax, okay? I know it's hard. I'm... I'm nervous, too, you know?” Strengthen a smile that's pretending to reassure Jared. Jared nods, blushing, thanking his lover's patience.</p><p>Jensen stands next to him, as close as he can. Jared remains face up, his back completely glued to the sheets. Jensen's hand begins to caress him, sliding slowly across his body, unhurriedly, as if he had all the time in the world. His nose sticks to Jared's neck, nuzzling, making its way to his tongue and his lips, whispering in his ear. “You're so beautiful...” more kisses. “I would never tire of looking at you...” His lips now joined to Jared's, with soft, tender kisses. “I want you... I want you so much, Jay.”</p><p>Jared groans with every caress, wrapping one of his arms around Jensen's shoulders while his other hand rests on his chest. He feels Jensen's heartbeat in his palm, as fast as his own. Jared can imagine how much it must be taking Jensen to go slowly, appreciates his effort and loves him a little more for it. Jensen decides to take another step, lowering his hand to Jared's legs, stroking his inner thighs, urging him to open them. He strokes his dick slowly, without stopping kissing him, assuring him, in between whispers, that everything is fine.</p><p>Jensen takes two fingers to his mouth to lubricate them, but his hand is intercepted halfway through Jared's. Jensen looks at him in surprise, letting out a hoarse grunt as he watches Jared's lips close over his fingers, sliding them back and forth, wetting them with his saliva and making a sound so pornographic that it leads directly to a throbbing of his already much needed cock, which makes Jensen push himself a little tighter on Jared's hip, trying to relieve himself.</p><p>Jared lets his fingers slip away, fixing his gray eyes on Jared's green. “Do it.”</p><p>Jensen swallows and bends over to kiss Jared. A slow, paused kiss as his hand slides down, his now lubricated finger massaging Jared's entrance with small circles. Jensen kisses his chin, his neck, and returns to his mouth to absorb the moaning that escapes Jared's lips when he notices that first finger penetrating him.</p><p>“Shh... You okay?”</p><p>Jared responds in amazement. “Yeah, weird, but okay. Go on.”</p><p>Jensen gives him a smile, kissing the tip of his nose. Jared looks so beautiful like that, blushing and embarrassed, but at the same time expectant and eager. Desirous of him, and that fascinates Jensen. Slowly, he finishes inserting his finger, feeling the ring of muscles tighten around him.</p><p>Jensen doesn't want to think about what it will be like when another part of his anatomy is squeezed, he knows that the very idea would lead him to an embarrassing and quick end. He puts the idea aside and starts moving his finger slowly, watching Jared's reaction. After a moment, when he seems comfortable, he tries it for a second.</p><p>The discomfort returns to Jared's face and Jensen decides to change his position. Kneeling between Jared's legs, he places a pillow under his lumbar spine, lifts it, bends over to kiss Jared, causing their hard cocks to rub together, both moaning with pleasure.He lets his mouth entertain itself by licking and biting Jared's nipples, who lifts his chest looking for more contact, both with Jensen's lips and with his fingers that already come and go fluently, opening up inside him, preparing his narrow walls.</p><p> </p><p>Jensen doesn't know how much more he can take, having Jared so exposed and devoted, he gets so excited that he has to fight not to penetrate him as he is. He wants, more than anything else in the world, to bury himself inside him and make it his own. “Do you think you can handle another one?” he asks anxiously. Jared nods, his body trembles with excitement, his skin covered with sweat. The third one comes in more easily. Jensen holds Jared's hip, keeping him still as his fingers go in and out, turning and opening up inside him.</p><p>“Do it now, Jen!” demands. “I need you I need you inside. I want to feel you, please.”</p><p>A chill runs down Jensen's spine as he stands still, staring at him with his eyes completely obscured by desire. “Okay, I think we need a little more lube here. We have some, right?” Jared nods, pointing to the bedside table. “I suppose there are condoms too?”</p><p>“No.” Jensen raises an eyebrow, doubtfully. “Don't put it on, please, I want to feel you, I trust you.”</p><p>Jensen is silent, overwhelmed by what those words mean, feeling his heart beating faster and faster. When he manages to assimilate it, he retreats for a moment to reach the bottle of lube, leaving a huge sense of disconsolation in Jared.</p><p>Jensen pours the oily liquid over his fingers, taking them back to his entrance, sliding them in and then out, and picking up another small portion of liquid, he spreads it over his cock already sensitive at every touch. He placed the head of his cock by the entrance, placing one of his hands on Jared's hip to control the movement.</p><p>He feels the sweat running down his face and back as he tries to control himself so as not to hurt Jared. “Jay, look at me.” Jared does it, shaken. “You have to tell me if I'm hurting you, okay? I'll stop when you tell me to. If you're not okay, I'll stop.”</p><p>Jared nods his head. “Do it, do it now.”</p><p>Jensen leans forward, pressing his way in, noticing how Jared opens up to him, fascinated by the delicious pressure. Jared's face contracts in a pained grimace, holding on to the sheets. Jensen stops, giving Jared time, leans over him, increasing the contact between their bodies, kissing his lips tenderly.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asks in a whisper.</p><p>“Yes... just a moment...” Jensen continues to kiss him as Jared wraps his arms around his broad back, clinging to his shoulders.</p><p>“Now,” Jared mutters over his mouth, and it's Jensen's turn to moan.</p><p>He moves slowly, until he feels his legs hitting Jared's buttocks. “Oh God, Jay... So tight... so fucking tight...” Jensen has never felt anything like it, the pressure, the heat, those gray eyes that look at him so wide, transmitting so much.</p><p>“Move, Jen, I need you to do it.” Jared can't describe what it feels like to have Jensen inside. For the first time in a long time he feels complete, he feels that this is the place he wants to be, the place where he feels safe and loved in a way he's never experienced before and which he can't give up on now.</p><p>Jensen now pushes hard, letting himself be carried away by his long held desire, leaning on his arms on both sides of his body. Jared slides his hands across Jensen's broad shoulders, following their path to his hands, linking his fingers with his own. Sweat runs down Jensen's forehead and temples, panting over his mouth. Jared catches one of the drops with his tongue, tasting Jensen's flavor on it.</p><p>Jared emits a loud moan, surprised when Jensen touches something inside. “Fuck! Do it again, please, do it.”</p><p>Jensen tries again until he manages to memorize the shape and intensity, making Jared fall apart between his arms. He feels like he can't take it anymore, the pressure is killing him. Jared pushes himself against him with the same intensity that Jensen pushes him. “Jay... so good...” he grunts, throwing himself over his mouth, running around inside him eagerly, excited in a way he's never felt before.</p><p>“Jen!” shouts Jared... “Oh, God! Fuck!”</p><p>Jared's eyes close tightly as his fingers lock into his own, Jensen feels the body under him tighten and the pressure on his dick increase in a way that borders on pain. The orgasm has reached Jared without even touching him, spilling over forcefully all over their bellies. Jensen can only endure a couple more onslaughts, drowning out the moaning at Jared's neck, who holds him by his heels, keeping him inside.</p><p>Jensen falls on his lover, both of them still, trying to get back the rhythm of his breathing. Jared strokes his back as Jensen brings a hand to Jared's cheek to do the same. Neither is able to move, their hearts still pounding, accelerated by the effort and the feelings.</p><p>“That..., that was...” Start saying Jensen.</p><p>“Yes, I know,” Jared replies with a nervous chuckle.</p><p>After a while, more recovered Jensen rolls to the side, leaving Jared's body that emits a small hiss. Jensen pulls him to his chest, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. Putting his hand under his chin makes him look at him. “Did I hurt you?” he asks worriedly. Jared looks at him with his eyes still misty, he doesn't know whether to lie, but it's nothing to be ashamed of either.</p><p>“A little bit, at first. Then it was good, really.”</p><p>Jensen squeezes him tighter against his chest, putting a kiss in his hair. “I'm sorry. I, I didn't want to... but I had such a hard time... I wanted you so badly.”</p><p>Jared stands on his elbow, resting his other hand on Jensen's chest, over his heart. He leans over to kiss him, a slow, gentle kiss. “Don't apologize. I wanted it too, and it was wonderful, better than I could have ever thought.”</p><p>Jensen looks at him gratefully, with restless eyes that want to say something and don't know how. Jared kisses him again.</p><p>“I love you,” he says slowly, in a whisper that spills over his lips. Jensen's heart races, again, under his palm.</p><p>“I know I do,” Jensen answers after a while. “Today, I know that I love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>THE END</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, we've come to the end.<br/>Thank you very much to all of you who have given this story a chance. I hope you enjoyed it. This was the first fic I wrote in my life and, well, I have a special affection for it even though it is not one of my best works. Sorry for the possible mistakes, my English still leaves a lot to be desired and, besides, I don't have beta.<br/>Thank you very much for the wonderful comments.<br/>See you in the next one. </p><p>And remember: Stay home</p>
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